British Bulldog

British Bulldog is a fabulously violent playground game. It can be played by any number of people.

Violence level ∝ Number of players / Size of playing field

Gameplay is simple. First, choose a rectangular playing field. Now, choose the first Bulldog. If your group of players is sufficiently psychopathic, there will be many volunteers.

Line up all players save the Bulldog on one edge of the playing field. On the Bulldog's signal (usually a hearty "1-2-3 British Bulldog!") the players run across the field to the opposite edge. The Bulldog's job is to catch them and hold them long enough to yell "1-2-3- British Bulldog!" once again.^*

At this instant, the caught player is instantly ceases to be a noble creature fleeing the grasp of demons and the player's soul and base animal desires are fused into a bloodthirsty, hellborn monster with big claws and nasty, pointy teeth.

The remaining untouched players line up on the opposite edge of the playing field and await once again the Bulldogs' signal. The last one standing wins, and as a reward, becomes the NEXT beginning Bulldog in some perverted Strange Loop.

British Bulldog was regularly played on the school field, during summer on the days when the sun was out, and small children develop neverending energy and irritate the hell out of everyone by running around screaming.

I have always been big and fairly strong for my age, and just to help matters I had started playing rugby two years previously, so due to my delight at knocking people for six (which I was quite good at), I was always the one intially picked to be the Bulldog. I can't remember the name of the kid who was damaged, but he was one of the last two players left, who after jinking his way through everyone else, ran straight at me as I was the last barrier between him and the base line that he was trying to get to. During the course of playing rugby I had been introduced to a delightful technique known as the 'crash tackle' which came into play whilst grounding this child. This manouevre is performed when you face your opponent, dip your shoulder and plant it under their solar plexus lifting upwards to knock the wind out of them. You then 'guide' them withone hand around each thigh, and smack them into the ground finishing up with them on the floor winded and not wanting to play anymore.

The result this time, due in part to the hard ground, but more to do with the the size difference between us, was two cracked ribs for the other guy, a two day suspension for me, and total ban on the game being played at school....... Ooops