For the break of your life! Push it to pop it! Rock it to lock it! Break it to make it!

Now if that's not a perfect engrish video game text-bite, I don't know what is. But actually, it's the tagline for the 1984 movie Breakin'. Directed by Joel Silberg, who basically remade the whole damn movie in 1990 as Lambada, to cash in on a craze that seemed to last a week-and-a-half (his movie was the one without the save-the-rainforest subplot) ...but I digress.

It was all about a girl (Lucinda Dickey) who falls in love with a breakdancer (Adolfo Quinones, AKA Shabba-Doo) and learns how to do it herself. It's got a West Side Story-style subplot. It's got a soundtrack with the Bar-kays, Chaka Khan, Art of Noise, Al Jarreau and Kraftwerk. It's got Tappy Tibbons, Jean-Claude Van Damme in a damn cameo, and Ice-FREAKING-T.

80s insanity at its finest.

Something I wrote for my school's paper. I felt it deserved to be shared.

"You got served!"

How many times have you heard this statement since January, along with its slightly more formal counterpart, "You suckas got served!"? A slang expression that was also the title of a film that nobody liked (as of May 17th, it was ranked #1 on the Internet Movie Database's "Bottom 100 Films"), You Got Served was the non-thinking-man's Honey, yet another movie based in the loose and fast world of underground street dancing.

Breakdancing and the honor that comes with it is not a brand new subject for Hollywood. Long before Omarion and Marques Houston were serving suckers, two pop-and-lockers named Adolpho "Shabba-Doo" Quinones and Michael "Boogaloo Shrimp" Chambers were Breakin' all over the place. Ladies and gentlemen, a warm round of applause for this write-up's true stars, Breakin' and Breakin' 2: Electric Boogaloo!

Featuring the tagline "Push it to pop it! Rock it to lock it! Break it to make it!", Breakin' is a tale of three dancers - Kelly (Lucinda Dickey), Ozone (Quinones) and Turbo (Chambers) - who dream of making it big in the bright lights of Los Angeles. Kelly meets Ozone and Turbo (these monikers are actually their street names; as Ozone says, "Every good dancer needs a street name!") on Venice Beach, as they pop and lock for a crowd of adoring fans. For those playing along at home, Jean-Claude Van Damme is the man in the black unitard clapping along in the background.

Introductions are made, and Ozone deems Kelly "Special-K", her first step towards becoming a fully fledged street dance brawler. And brawl they do!

Soon, the antagonists are introduced: a rival dance gang helpfully identified by their airbrushed jackets as "Electro-Rock". Electro-Rock's stuttering, jerky movements obviously beat Ozone and Turbo's stuttering, fluid movements, as Ozone and Turbo stalk off after a minute of this shame.

Does Turbo ever accept Kelly? Will Electro-Rock ever be defeated? Can Ozone, Turbo, and Kelly (collectively known as the T.K.O. Crew) win the big dance audition and star in their own show? Is the Pope Catholic?

Moving on. Breakin' 2: Electric Boogaloo picks up a few months after the first installment. Kelly has been working her jazz hands to the bone in a show that has just finished its final performance, and is aching to get back out on the street and dance with her old friends again.

When Kelly arrives at the garden shack that Turbo and Ozone live in, all the kids, as well as the entire neighborhood, are so excited to see her that everyone suddenly bursts out dancing. Postmen jump and touch their toes while delivering mail, dog-walkers do complicated routines, all climaxing with a tidal wave of people descending on the Community Center.

But, look out! The land the Community Center rests on is desired by an evil, and thusly unhip, real estate developer. And, to make matters worse, Electro-Rock is back, and aching for a fight.

Can the T.K.O. Crew put on a show to save the Community Center, while defeating Electro-Rock? Can Kelly make her uptight and wealthy parents understand her passion for the street dancing they find so repellent? Can Turbo dance on the walls, the ceilings, and the floor? Yes, yes, yes!

If you need any more convincing, let me say this: famed rapper and star of both big and small screen Ice-T appears in both movies (credited as "Rap Talker" in Breakin' and "Rapper" in Breakin' 2: Electric Boogaloo). So, what are you waiting for? Stop reading this right now and go rent these movies!

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