Why you get Ice-cream headaches

This writeup was originally intended to address some rather bizarre and regrettable misconceptions vomited forth in a now-vanished writeup by an innocent victim of a crippled and mutilated educational system. However, the Powers that Be saw fit to put that gibberish out of its misery and now here I sit, alone and lonely, atop a node I never made. However, the same demented propaganda is now more-coherently espoused by a writeup below mine, so please be so kind as to read that one first and then come back up here so I can show you the error of your newly-acquired ways.

I am grateful for your anticipated cooperation.




Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear.

Another poor child, brainwashed by secular public "education", rushes in breathlessly to recite the pseudoscientific "lessons" his keepers forced him to memorize. If you believe this nonsense, you'll believe anything, even "evolution".

Fortunately, my Creator (and yours, whether you're in denial about it or not) has charged me to speak the truth always, even in the bowels of this fortress of malignant atheism. And so I shall.

You will now hear the truth. You will now be treated to an example of rigorous, objective, strictly factual, logically consistent science, as the liberals refuse to practice it: Science which respects natural law, science which seeks only Truth, without fear or favor. Have the liberals the courage to practice such science? I laugh! They're so deeply mired in bizarre superstitions like heliocentric astronomy and "evolution" that they would never dare to let the facts speak for themselves. They hide behind their white-coated "high priests" of pseudo-science, nabobs whose "holy" word may never be questioned on pain of supression, ignominy, academic and professional oblivion. A rigid theocracy, where false "truth" is doled out to the peasants in homeopathic doses, and questions may never be asked.

My dear friends, even a moderate knowledge of the laws of thermodynamics is adequate to show us that "refrigeration" is not within the realm of the possible. Think about it: You put electrical energy into the system, and then you end up with less energy in the system than you started with? Hello?! Where is the energy going? It's an absurdity!

Yet so-called "refrigeration" works; we've all witnessed the phenomenon at least once, and I'd imagine that god-hating secularists like yourselves must rub shoulders with it every day. We cannot deny that something -- something extra-physical, something impossible in terms of natural law -- is making your frozen peas and your chemical-infested imitation "ice cream" cold.

Fine, it's extra-physical; even a deluded pagan like Sir Arthur Conan-Doyle could tell us that much: When you've eliminated the impossible, what remains, however unlikely, is the truth. The ludicrous junk science pseudo-explanation of "refrigeration" is impossible. What, then, remains?

Two things remain, the only two extra-physical forces at work in Creation: God and His Adversary.

Of course, it's obvious even to a fool that the Creator of the Universe is not going to waste His time sucking heat-energy out of your mixed vegetables. Remember that line about "the sweat of your brow"? He wasn't joking. "There ain't no such thing as a free lunch". If you want frozen margaritas and popsicles, it's your own problem: Move to Greenland if you must. We have thus eliminated God as a possible explanation.

What remains?

Even a secularist pagan can count to one if he's got ten fingers to start with: It's the Adversary. A being so utterly evil that mere proximity to ice cream he has chilled is enough to drive the immortal human soul to battle stations.

You are a being created by God, in His image. Your headache is a natural allergic reaction to ultimate evil.

An alternate explanation as to the cause of brain freeze is that the cold that passes thru the throat causes the arteries to contract, diminishing the blood flow to the brain.

This is a plausible explanation to the layman (me) and I can't quite affirm that it is true. I have to bow to Starke's explanation, however, since my source is a non scientific publication: Stuff Magazine. I apologize for not being able to properly cite this, since I don't have that issue with me.

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