This day in age there are more elderly people in the world than there ever were before. As a result, there has been an explosion of bottom feeder-type people and businesses (like telemarketers, insurance sales people) that prey on the pathos of this rapidly expanding class of citizens. However they have begun to fight back with some good old strong arm elderly tactics:
The long bouts of redundant banter - One of their most deadly tactics, usually used when they are cornered by some young whipper-snapper. Usually involes somthing that deals with the old country or one of several horrifying war stories. Works very well on telemarketers and door to door religious freaks
Inchoherent Rambling - Masters of this skill are well respected in one's Bingo group. True artisans of this dangerous weapon are said to have made many a head explode a la scanners.
Sock full of dimes - this is one of the very few physical defense mechanisms common among the elderly. Requires very little work to wield, and is usually fatal upon impact. Weapons of this type are the result of the an elder's natural drive to collect things (like beanie babies)
Discussion of Sex with other elderly comrade - Another tactic that fits into a most deadly category. Usually used when members of an elders family unit become annoying or overwhelmingly condescending

The war taking place across the generation gap has become even more bitter. Take heed and remember: When they didn't have computers they had slide rules

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