The fine art
of beating someone severely, a HOWTO
- Decide on someone to beat severely.
- Come up with a reason. This can be well thought out, or a simple whim. (The fact that the person exists is a perfectly good reason)
- Approach said person, and inquire, "Can i beat you severely?" If the answer is no, then reply, in a non-threatening, very serious tone, "I am going to beat you severely".
- Locate an item to beat them severely with. Feathers, pencils, string, the sleave of a jacket, they all work.
- Proceed to beat them severely. Remember, do not, under any circumstances, hit harder then a gentle tap. Nothing that could ever be construed as hurting someone.
- State firmly and clearly, "I am beating you severely, you may begin screaming in pain any time now".
- If they don't, look at them again, and say "I wish it hadn't come to this.", and procede to tickle them mercilessly. (NOTE: Only if they are ticklish)