Barney is a dinosaur
He has a messed up voice,
Get him drunk, get him stoned,
In this game it's your choice.

Kill the kidees,
And kill Barney,
And even Baby Bop,
If you do not like this song,
Then please hit Q to stop.


Copywrong 1993 by ASCII Express, Bong Software!

Yes, now you too can kill Barney!
You can kill Baby Bop, the Kids,
You can even make them smoke a bowl!
Imagine: Barney Stoned/Drunk!
In this game, *ANYTHING* is Possible!!!!

The manager of Barney and Friends pulls you out of the way for a second...
"Give somebody this joint! it'll be funny as hell to watch em all stoned!"
Do you take the J? [Yes]

In the mid-90's peak of Barney hatred, a Pennsylvania sysop by the handle ASCII Express, pioneer of the acclaimed Bong Software, took action.

We who were junkies before Internet junkies know the pleasure of BBS doors. If you know what CHAIN.TXT and DORINFO1.DEF are, you may even know BarneySplat.

You'll probably have to dig into your memory a little.

Quite possibly the most misspelled, demon-possessed freeware ASCII-based BBS door available, I indeed had it on my own WWIV BBS as a feature, and a favorite!

Hello *name*
Welcome to the show!
We hope you enjoy yourself,
And we really know,
That you'll have Fun!
And everyone will too,
Hey, *name*, we're really glad to have you!!!

You infiltrate the staff of the Barney show in order to sabotage it. Throughout the game, your objective is to assault, maim, corrupt and otherwise kill the beloved dinosaur, along with his partners in buggery, the supporting cast of children and Baby Bop.

Hello *name*,
I'm glad you are having fun,
We sure are to rgight!
See, so is everyone!
But the lesson you should learn today,
and all of you should too,
Is please odn't smoke herb, and please don't drink the boos...

In the process of Barney's instilling of good Christian sober values, you are in the touchy position of finding children gullible enough to believe what you tell them, and consume various illicit items, including an orange injected with vodka.

We're feeling REALLY GGGGGGGGGReat!
Thanks to a nice friend,
They're name is *name*
Let's not let the fun EVER End!

Barney and the gang begin to feel a bit tipsy and illogical. Perhaps you convinced one of the children to get too drunk and freak out?

Yeh yeh yeh yeh yeh!
*name* you know,
That we are high,
I Thouth that you sould oew.//

Barney and the gang should all be at least buzzed by this point. Hopefully, if you played it right, one of the kids has already freaked out (with Nibbles-like musical accompaniment) from that hit of acid you gave him.

we really are feeling sutpdendous
andhigh too!
we are glad *name* that you can sare
your bong and pot with us
we just hope we can repay you
maybe in another show
just please don't stop *name*
and let ME Smoke the bowl!!!

"I have an idea!" Barney says, "Let's have a TEA party!"
Everybody gets out the tea and cookies, you get ready your arsonic and alcohol.

Fun things to try at the "TEA" party:
(S)pike it
try to make (P)eace tea
or (D)on't do anything?

BOY do we love you,
YOu get us high,
say good bye,
everybody is screwed!

we are really high man you really screwed usp uover we can't teven right w a song or spell right man you really dont aoisu in thistime man you screpwesd up!1ha and i love it tobuy a puppy heha

The moral of the story: Writing software while fucked up is not always a bad thing. Just keep this one away from the easily offended or weak-stomached.

I love you,
You love me,
I hope you had fun with Barney,
If you liked this game and had a lot of fun,
call 215-544-8001!!!

I love you, Barney.

Download in ARJ format:
Or, in a ZIP at:
Sorry, no LZH available.

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