Balki Bartakemous (Bronson Pinchot on the TV sitcom, Perfect Strangers) had an interesting view of America and philosophy. Observe ...
"America--land of the free, home of the Whopper."
"New York City: The Big Banana."
"On Reagan, on Nixon!"
(confusing Santa's eight tiny reindeer with corrupt presidents, apparently)
"That was the straw that broke Glen Campbell's back."
"What a wonderful day it's been. You have learned something, and I have learned something. Too bad we didn't learn it sooner; we could have gone to the movies instead."
"If everyone knew how to herd sheep, there would be no one left to write poetry."
"Listen to the wisdom that made Mypos great--there are none so blind as those who will not hear."
"That's disgusting. Putting a price on a brilliant work of art. That's like painting chest-hairs on the Mona Lisa"
"Well it's not over until Roseanne Barr sings"
(Balki, upon learning they were flying to Hawaii instead of New York)
"Hah-Wha-Ee-Ee?! Hah-Wha-Ee-Ee?! Isn't that where the Japanese bombed
"I love to sing. I sing for friends, for family, for the occasional
(To Larry who is trying to convince him to lip sync and rattles off
names of famous people who have done it.):
"Wait a minute, Cousin, I know you like the back of my head. You're going
try to trick Balki by using Wayne's name in vain."
(Suffering stage fright):
"What if I lose my voice? What if I get a hog in my throat?"
(To Larry desperately trying to convince him to do it):
"You are wasting your breath-mints."
"Paint me green and call me Gumby."
(To the fast-talking talent scout):
"You are a dishonest person and I wash my face of you".
(Balki, upon being told by Larry that he shouldn't buy stock
because he knows nothing about the stock market)
"Why on Mypos I used to sell my sheep at the stock market".
(Larry helps him buy one share in a cereal company that
manufactures "Raisin Puffs")
"An hour ago I was a babe in the woodpile...and now thanks to you,
I'm going to become a business typhoon."
(Balki finds that the Raisin Puffs "100 raisins per box"
is not true.)
"Raisin Poofs without raisins are like Snow White without her seven
"To forgive is divine - to be an airhead is human."
(When Larry is unconvinced that the Chronicle's upper
management female predator, Olivia Crawford, is after Balki's body)
"She's all over me like a wet tee shirt!"
(While waiting nervously for Olivia's reaction to Larry's
letter to the editor exposing her.)
"When do you think Olivia will hit the fan?"
(To the Editor who says to Larry: "You are making some
serious accusations here.")
"...and if you don't believe him, you can dust my body for
"I'm in debt. I am a true American"
"You can pretend to be someone else, but sooner or later, you have to dance with the butcher"
"Doctor do your duck impersonation. Cousin Larry says you are a real quack!"
"Well toss my greens and call me Ceasar"
"Every minute, of every day, for the rest of your life... you will have someone to take care of."
"Nobody takes money out of my mother's mouth"
In Larry and Jennifer's wedding in jail, Balki does the wedding vows and stuff.
After all that, he says, ''By the power infested in me , I pronounce you
husband and wife.''
Also, the episode that balki decides to marry MaryAnne, he says something
''Mary Anne and I have decided to engage in holy macaroni.''
"There are none so blind as those who can't ski"
"Well rub my chest and call me Vic's"