We sat on
her bed, my arms wrapped around her, trying to comfort.
"
I'm okay."
"You're not okay,
Amanda. I can see that, anyone can. If I was
moving away tomorrow, I'd be a weeping mess by now."
She offered me a sad grin. "I'd like to see that. Somehow,
Jairus, I can't picture you crying."
"It'll happen.
Trust me." I grinned, trying not to show how sad I was. "About 5 seconds after we say goodbye."
"I don't want to talk about goodbye," she said, tears welling. "
Goodbye hurts. I'm here with you, now, and I'm happy."
I had been trying to discuss this with her for weeks, and she was leaving within hours. It was something I needed to discuss. I needed to know how she felt, in her own words.
Feeling like an
insensitive bastard, I tried to smile, and whispered, "You need to talk about it. You can't keep it all locked up inside, 'manda.
I love you, and I want you to talk about it."
Turning to look at me, frustrated, she said "But I don't keep it all locked up! I talked with
Corey for hours about it last night!"
I used
a cigarette as
an excuse to leave the room. I'd rather she didn't see me cry.