"Come, little goldfish," whispers the Administration. "Come and become one with us--one with Everything. Ours is a land of infinite delights and pure wisdom. You will experience emotions hundreds of times greater than what you call happiness. You will become as gods. We have the best fish food. Yes, yes, come closer... closer... GOTCHA! Quick! Somebody get the oven on!"

Coming soon: Assimilate your attractive cousin into Everything.