Excerpted from Found Goddesses: Asphalta to Viscera by Morgan Grey and Julia Penelope:

Asphalta, goddess of all roads, streets, and highways, and guardian of those who travel on them, is best known for Her miraculous powers of finding parking places. The formal Parking Place Invocation to Asphalta, chanted by Her devotees around the world, and never known to fail when sincerely uttered, even in impossible-to-park-in cities like New York and Montreal, is:

"Hail, Asphalta, full of grace:
Help me find a parking place."

This invocation should be intoned at least two blocks before you want to park, although it has been known to work on very short notice. A brief version of the invocation, developed by followers of Asphalta in Chicago, "Asphalta, do Your Thing," has also proven to be effective. In the event that Asphalta has created an ideal parking place, and some rude motorist attempts to take it away, chant:

"Hail, Asphalta, full of grace: Keep that pud out of my space."

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