Dizzy and Katyana announce their marriage, today, at 6:30pm Eastern time.

Ever since November 7, 2000, we've looked forward to this day. The barriers between us have been many; time, distance and government regulations. But I am so happy we've made it thus far. Against advice from many, including those who will be reading this, we've reached the point where our bond will be solemnized.

I've found it strangely difficult to put into lucid words just how happy I am right now. All those movies where the main two characters meet in the first reel, get married by the last: I realise now that they are pale imitations of reality, they cannot communicate anything more than an image of what true love and partnership are.

I have grown over the past 6 months, grown in character and beliefs, grown to meet my love. I have thoughts about things that I swore I never would; houses, children, money and love. Any worries about the future are tempered, made easier to swallow by the simple fact that I am not alone any more. So I thank you, Dana; thank you for being there, for helping, for listening, for cajoling, for laughing and for loving. Thank you for smiling and dancing, for showing me that I have those same qualities if I would only look. Music sounds different now, I no longer wish to lose myself in melodies; instead I look to find us in words.

I remember the dozens of /msgs both I and katyana received when I announced our engagement. We have thefez to thank for that; posting my daylog on the front page was a great gesture. thefez will be there, being HAPPY and POSSIBLY FROLICKING. clampe will perform the ceremony, which he has written in between writing 70 page papers for his doctorate; we can't express how much we appreciate and love you for this, matey. the gilded frame has done far more than anyone should for a guy he has never met; I hope you get that dance, matey. masukomi and drunkenmonkey are travelling many hundreds of miles from Boston to wish us well, while randir has agreed to be my best man; Your welcome to this country set me at ease, showed me that everything was going to be OK, thanks guys. Void_Ptr is providing these aforementioned Bostonians with board and lodging, and transporting them all over Michigan, it seems; Thanks Rosie.

*sigh* I know that at 6:30pm, there will be many tears of joy; I will shed some myself. I've never really seen true love before, it can be overwhelming.

If you'd like to send your best wishes to us, /msg either katyana or dizzy, or even better, email either dmcnabb@isr.umich.edu or dizzy@futureless.org.

At some point, the details for the webcam will be finalized, but we will most definitely have a PC at the hall where we are to be married; you may want to hang around on #everything at around 6pm Eastern.

It occurs to me that many people reading this will not understand why I am posting this. Well, young noders, gather around and let me tell you this true story:

Katyana and Dizzy met through Everything. We talked through #everything and found out about each other via the nodes we wrote. We fell in love because of this anarchic, silly, wonderful, serious website. I would tell you more, but the story is there to be seen in my nodes; mostly in daylogs, but also in the proliferation of bad poetry ;-)

Best wishes, Dizzy and Katyana!!

This has been a good week, and E2 helped making it good!

When I got a postcard from segnbora-t, I felt very international! :) And my story about Wallflower was a success. If I'm lucky, I'll write about Linux for PS2 and Björk's new album "Vespertine". I've always been a fan of Björk, and this new album is really nice. A step away from the club sound, and affected by the sound from "Dancer in the dark".

Also at a party at Frokostkjelleren, I really connected with this woman yesterday. She studies law, as me, but started a year earlier. Beautiful, charming, and highly intelligent. This might cure the ex-factor that has haunted me for some while now.
We talked and talked and talked. And she asked for my number. Being highly advanced in the field of modern communication, I asked: "What kind of cellphone do you have". She answered "Nokia 3310" and I sent her my number and adress through a businesscard SMS. She answered with a SMS saying she was glad to have my number.

I'm here, listening to korean music, with the silence of the darkness echoing the music through the air. Though I've never talked to Katyana nor Dizzy, I hope you two have a great wedding and a great marriage for true love is rare and a much precious thing.

Today was a day of fake facades and fake feelings. While still feeling the effects of the weeks past, I had pressing social engagements to deal with today. I guess I'll start with last night, when the day started it seemed so long ago. It's sort of funny. The day seems so much slower when you're going through it but so much faster when you're looking in hindsight.

The day was not even here yet, while dawn was slowly reaching its end. Another Brood War game with Dawadeving but at least it was 2 on 2 human. We sucked of course but I didn't mind. I was on the phone, with her. The nightmare of my dreams, the dreams of my nightmares. She's hurt me so much and even led me to start pining for a love long gone. I didn't mind today, as my mind was long gone. Drained of vital life energy, I felt drained so I didn't even say anything. I just listened. I listened intently, with each word, phrase and sound recorded in my mind. It may seem weird but I was more scanning the words rather than listening for meaning. Like I remember the words carefully and can play them, but didn't focus enough to feel anything for them. That was a great thing, simply because I couldn't handle anymore for the day. I was so tired that I didn't even write in my journal nor make a daynode. I wasn't tired enough to sleep though so I tried other ways to tire myself out.

I did my pushups, and my crunches. I read, counted sheep, even meditated outside. I sat outside, with my jacket covering me, staring out at the world. I wish that I would fall asleep in the balcony, feeling the seemingly everlasting cold of the evening wind, to spare me the warmth of the "human experience". Finally, about 7:15 am, I finally fell to the depths of slumber. It came over me like a shroud, and I never let it go.

Ring. Damn cell phone rings again. I look up at the clock. Damn its only noon. "Hello...". She replies "Hey! I didn't wake you up did I?..". I replied, "Nah...The phone did it..". It was one of my good friends and she was asking me to go eat some dim sum. I didn't really mind going but I felt like the third string simply because her boyfriend was going too. But, like a sucker, she whined and I caved in easily. We go eat across the street and we chit chat about nothing specific, and I even pay for the whole thing. I didn't really mind simply because she was there, though he is a nice guy. Afterwards, we played some Photo Hunt and DDR and I go run errands. Paying Visa bills and clearing my sister's Line of Credit took so much time and I felt drained after.

I get to Canada Trust and the girl that me and MrFurious think is cute is there. I still didn't know her name but I saw it today. Definitely cute but hairstyle in a bun didn't suit her that's all. Afterwards, I go to the mall and buy my friend her gift. It is her birthday after all. Off to home I guess.

I chill around for a while, feeling like a traditional couch potato but in a recliner. Feeling the effects of the lack of the recommended 8 hours of sleep, I napped for about two hours before I ran to the shower. I soaked there, like a sponge and loved every moment of it. It seemed to be the only thing that keeps me sane lately. Afterwards, I wait for another half hour, then head off with MrFurious to our friend's birthday shindig.

We get there about 7 but don't get to eat until about 8:45. Didn't mind, simply because I haven't eaten much within the past few months anyways. We just talked, watched tv, watched a home video, and talked. One of the girls there were playing with my sunglasses but I didn't mind. Just be nice and smile. Afterwards, we head over to Silvercity to play some bowling but they said that we have to wait about 45 minutes. We head over to Oscar's Billiards but we decided to go to Hot Shots because of either a lack of quality tables or quality asian women. Superficial and shallow, I didn't care. It was a night to celebrate. We play until about 12:20 then we head over to an arcade and play some games. About 12:50, one of our buddies called and said that he was coming but was late again. Fucker said he was going to meet us in 30 minutes but was still about 20 minutes away at the time his 30 minutes was up. Fucker didn't even call. While it was no great inconvenience, I didn't appreciate being lied to nor did I like the convenient lack of consideration. Dawadeving gave me a ride home and now I'm here.

I wasn't in the best of moods the whole day but due to the social calls, I had to be pleasant nonetheless. It would be particularly unsettling for my friends if they saw me in a bad mood when I only see them once in a blue moon. It was tiring, as it was taxing on my willpower. Again, tomorrow night, I have to go see my other friends at Richmond Sushi for another get-together. While I know that I will enjoy tomorrow while I greatly enjoyed today, it will be a taxing weekend. In the end, I'm still on the cell phone and probably will be until the break of morning which will result in tiredness at work. But I see three good things in this: I finally got the FinKL song that I've been searching for, had fun today, and a high chance that I will tomorrow as well. Let this night be calming as much as an eye opener. Speak words slowly for I can no longer understand your words clearly but I listen...

Whisper lightly, for I no longer am able to listen intently. I listen to every word, grasp every breathe, hear every gasp. I promise that I will think about them then but for now, let the darkness cover me and heal my tired soul..
Marriage has meant a myriad of things to me at different points in my life. When I was 8 it meant kissing prince charming in a beautiful white gown then riding off to our mansion in the woods. In university it meant being owned by a man and seen as only a half of the whole. The thought of legally binding myself to another human being was horrifying. I thought I could foresee the next 3 months, but how could I possibly promise the rest of my life? I only thought marriage is a good idea in the legalities of procreation and that seemed implausible.

Then I met you.
Suddenly all my rational planning {1 year before cohabitation, 3 years before marriage, and 5 years before children) slipped away. I fell in love with a man who requited my feelings. I found a man who adores me, who treats me well, and wants to spend the rest of his life with me. I found passion. I found comfort. I found peace. I found love. I found myself thinking I want to spend the rest of my life with you.

I also found that marriage means a great deal of things. It's no longer just the ceremony. It's more than babies, and bills, flowers and mortgages, and love and pain. Marriage is a promise. A promise I not only make to you, but to my friends, my family, and my community. A promise that I intend to be with you for the rest of our lives. A promise that we are a unit, both for each other and to the community. A promise that I won't give up. I will do everything I can to make it work. A promise to love you as best I know how. To think of your feelings, wants, and needs. To respect you, and care for you. A promise to communicate. To tell you what I want and need. To raise children with you. To be the best mother I can. To work together with you on discipline, and diapers, and sharing their love. A promise to contribute in every way I can to our relationship and our children's lives.

It is a promise of the body as well. Not to be owned or worshipped, but to be with you and only you. To share a bed and a home. To come home to you. To have a home. To know that if you aren't there you will be coming home soon. It is a promise to care for you despite unforeseen obstacles. To grow old with you. To take care of myself so I can live a long healthy life with you and our children if we are blessed enough to have them. I promise to share my life with you. To grow with you. To learn with you. To be your partner, your lover, your friend, your ally, your comfort, and strength until death do us part.

Anthony, my love, you are home to me. I never thought it possible, but I love you more and more each day. You make me happier than I have ever been and I am honoured you want to spend the rest of your life with me.

Just wanted to say the surgery went fine..I came out from under the knife and I must say I enjoyed it. The attention one gets in the hospital is pretty nice..pretty nurses...and the drugs aren't bad either..Now my tummy is all swollen and sore , but at least I don't have to go to work for a few days...What most people get out of life normally, I need to go to a hospital to find..It's a shame it's so damn expensive, I'd do it more often.

This is my first time noding drunk.

Tonight was the student art show at my school. Tonight I got really really drunk and tried to kiss you and kept hugging you and babbling at you even though I'm over you and you wanted to leave, and I kept telling you how good you smell and how much I love you you fucking asshole who had the gall and the evil to kiss me and then forget about it you asshole you asshole you asshole. "Oh oh, let me count the ways that I abhor you, and you were never a good lay and you were never a good frien and oh, oh what can I say, I adore you" (Ani DiFranco)

I even told you I wanted to fuck you. I told you I'd written stories about you. I told you I'd painted you and you said that you knew I was playing this game when I tried not to talk to you for weeks you asshole.

And now I just want you. I want you and I miss you and you're going away and then what do I do? You wouldn't let me kiss you. You let me kiss you on the cheek and you kissed me back on the cheek and you told me you weren't bullshitting me when you said that that wasn't the end of our relationship.

I'm tired of being alone. I know it's better this way. But after getting fucking jerked around this whole fucking year I want somebody ( I WANT YOU) to love me back. I had so much love to give. SO MUCH. I want to give it. I loved you. And now I've got to go. And you will never call me. And you will never remember me.

I haven't been this lonely in years. I'm going to miss you. Seeing you made me so happy. I'm going to miss you. But this is the end and I know that. I know. "Sitting on a three-legged chair, tying yellow ribbons in my hair. Still wearing that same five dollar hat. Even though I know you're never coming back. Even though I know you're never coming back." (Sylvia Mann)

You're never coming back.

Now that I'm sober I feel like I want to mention that the night wasn't all that bad. Well, except for that hour or so consumed by my attempt to tell a certian someone everything I ever wanted to tell him ... and even that ... it was stuff that needed to be said and I'm glad I said it. At the show I got a ' best in show' award for my work which, after a lot of discouragement of late, meant a lot. I got a lot of support from people who mean a lot to me.

There are no goods, there are no evils. There are just the things that happen and what you make of them, methinks.

I spent 60 bucks today and bought 6 Janis Joplin CDs. And I didn't get the one song I need (or want - I think I sometimes confuse the two).

I am looking for the version of Summertime that is the perfect/ultimate/best version. I know this because I already have it ... on tape. I need it on CD so I can make a mix of a bunch of songs I have had running through my head the last several weeks. The tape I have is titled Janis and it is the soundtrack of a documentary movie made many years ago about her. They do not release this soundtrack on CD or any other form than cassette. I know this because I have looked (more than a few times) in the databases and books that you sometimes see at record stores with info about artist/title/song in various genres and media formats. I didn't own any Janis CDs before today - just this tape1.

I suspected and hoped that the same version would be on one of these CDs. I now have five different versions of Summertime (one of the CDs didn't have the song but it was part of a box-set of three CDs and the other two had it) and none of them is the one I want. By the way, Janis is actually great in every version. It's the guitar that isn't right. He either fucks up or just doesn't go for it. If you hear them all (as I just have) you will see what I mean.

(Update on May 3, 2001) I didn't have time to write this before, but here are the 5 CD versions of Summertime that I now have along with a few notes I made about them:
  • studio version from Cheap Thrills - I thought this one was the best. There are a few mistakes and screechy parts. But overall high quality (what you would expect from the studio). Tone is mellow and they nailed the ending.
  • alternate studio version from Janis Joplin 18 Essential Songs - Nice guitar harmony (beginning). Guitar solo sucks. Alternate ending.
  • Live At Winterland '68 - Nice into. The levels are way off, especially with respect to the guitar. You can hear the crowd (a plus for me).
  • Joplin In Concert - Nice guitar intro, but the level is way too low. Guitar solo sucks. Weak ending. Everyone sounds a little tired.
  • I Got Dem Ol' Kozmic Blues Again Mama! - This was recorded at Woodstock. It's definitely the worst though. The guitar totally, totally sucks. It not only sounds like the guy is drunk but that he's playing on a crappy guitar. Still it would have been nice to be there and experience it, crappy guitar and all. The one redeeming thing about this cut is the intro. It's the same little renaissance festival sounding horn ditty (is that somehow related to the Gershwin version?) as on my favorite version (the one on tape discussed above).

1. True story: I have actually bought this tape three separate times. Friends keep borrowing it and not returning it, or conveniently "loosing" it. It is really good! Why the morons who decide these things don't put it on CD is a complete mystery, especially given the other Janis CDs out there which are not as good.
"So what does that mean, you're Pagan?"

My new boss asks me this question a few weeks ago, and I tell him basically what I believe, and admit to the heinous crime of considering myself a "witch." He seems okay with it, though he doesn't know quite what to make of it. But I am somewhat used to that, and so I ignore it.

And then somehow he gets it into his head that every single aspect of my life has something to do with my religion.

"So," he asks when the bigwigs are supposed to visit our store for inspection, "You got any good spells you can do so we get a good grade?"

This comment receives an eyeroll.

And later in the day, when he asks me if I can stay an extra hour, I refuse due to the fact that I have to meet a friend for lunch and have no way of contacting him to tell him I need to postpone, since he's from out of town and on his way here.

His reply: "Uh, so is that one of your little witch friends?"

Me: (blank look) "Huh? No . . . "

Boss: "Oh. Just curious."

Me: "Uh, why did you ask me if it was one of my 'little witch friends'?"

Boss: (shrug) "I dunno, you said they were coming from out of town . . . "

And he said this like it was legit, like this was a sensible reason for why he would think my friend was a witch. I am now puzzled about this. Do witches have to be from out of town? Are all out-of-towners suspected of witchcraft? Are witches only friends with other witches? I'm honestly confused. And he refuses to clarify, because he's embarrassed.

That was really stupid.

I've never been so sad and helpless in all of my life. No girl, no God, no guilt has ever gotten to me the way being next to my grandmother is doing to me now. Right now in her room with her, I feel the urge to burst out with, "You've got cancer." But I fail to do so because I have been instructed to do otherwise. A hug, a smile, a laugh, a simple look from her will send me to tears. My defense is laying here on the bed and writing this (on paper). "I love you grandmother," the words cease to escape. "I love you grandmother! I love you!" I mouthed the words, why is it so hard for me? I spent time with her, she's going to a hospital about 8 hours away from here soon.

Had "lunch" with my ex, though I just rode in her corvette and we talked inside. Apparently I didn't want to listen so my ex left, but when questioned, my ex said that there was something to be done before and that's why she was leaving. Damn her...

Deviancy for the sake of deviancy is about as trite as punk rock and will eventually be as commercial as soda pop.

You take it in the ear?

Great. Good for you.

Let me know when you're done telling the world you're an individual.


Today is four years to the day since I flew across an ocean of distance, full of hopes and fears, to meet with gnarl in real space, in shared space. It's four years to the day since we translated text into touch, since we turned a dream into reality, since we turned written words into whispers and laughter and shouts of delight.

We met online, in the storybook spaces of lambda moo, and started to write a tale together. We created new words, new worlds, new adventures, and wrote hundreds of thousands of words together. We wrote our lives together. And the story rapidly turned into a fairy tale, with a happy ending that is still unfolding day by day. (Reader, I married him, but that was another year later, surrounded by friends on an Oregon hillside.)

But, on that first day, when I was blasted with a day of travel across continents, we kissed in the soft green light of a Portland evening, in the shadow of rain, to the sound of roaring buses and recorded bells. And I knew then that there was no going back. I was already in love, and the thunder and lightening strikes of love at first sight were the shocks of recognition.

Dizzy, Katyana, may you have every joy and happiness, and may you never wake up from the dream, just know that you are already wide awake and living it. May you have a long, delicious life together.


Best wishes, Dizzy and Katyana.


Hmm... Nothing. (Nothing exciting, that is.)


Well, for a start, it's Census Day.

But that's not why I won't have time to node...

The main joy tomorrow is laying out the cabling for the back bedroom. We have quite a lot of STP, even more Cat5e UTP and some CT100 for the various cable runs. The CAT5 will be used for the obvious -- ethernet and telephones -- and the less obvious. If we ever want to extend the hifi, we're laying spare cable so we just attach line drivers to the ends. The STP is in case of poor signalling on the UTP or for line level audio (which we're told should carry on STP). The CT100 is for UHF signals (plus, should we ever want it, VHF and raw satellite). Oh, and 2.5mm T&E for mains!

The various holes have already been made but we don't reckon we'll do more than cut the cables and get the ends in the right places. Just enough to replaster the walls. Probably won't even get the socket fronts on anywhere.

This is the first room in our house-wide re-wiring adventure. I did the electrics in our previous house and I guess I reckon CAT5 and CT100 can't be harder than that, so I'm fairly relaxed about what we need to do. However, it's not something I've done before, so there's a certain sense of anticipation. Unfortunately, it'll be ages before we know the wiring we're doing tomorrow has worked.

By the end of the project, every room will have networking, telephones and UHF outlets that link back to a central hub. This will allow us huge flexibility in where we want to work or play. It will be incredibly cool to be able to repatch my ISDN line so I can telework next to my home computer...

Unfortunately, this means I'll be able to spend even less time on E2... DOM writeups will become even rarer!

An email from a friend (in italics) and my response. Myriad grammar is authentic translation from poor but stylish and personal Finnish.

Subject: So, you wanna really know an anarchist..?

The reason why I haven't response your email before is simply the fact THAT I HAVEN'T BEEN IN T. in spring 2001 but at home-home in U. combined sick-leave and so called sabbath-leave. The fact is that when a spring semester started I wasn't even remotely in condition to study and better feelings came not before than late February after which I could principally have done some credit units but I decided it to be better for my wee head to fuck of the university. When it doesn't interest, it simply does not... Let's see in autumn again or whatever...

Nice to hear you're in the book of living ones and the direction is towards the better future. I have to admit that I already was a wee bit worried and, well, my lively imagination produces a loads of shite how the future could be.. :-)
My earnest distinction to the fact you eventually took the strings in yer own hands; it's not always the easy thing to do.

...The contract has been signed and work will start Monday 7.5. 8.00AM. I remembered this very same job was for the reason quite familiar to you so if you want to give me a briefing; what kind of work I should expect to come; I would be grateful.

It was the time I read Utopia by More and before that I escaped the reality into my very own imaginary worlds. The very best thing to know about that thing is the fact yer purse will be 50 000 mk bigger in the end of the summer; gross. Btw, it's not hard to quess who offers a round...

And there's something happening in the women-front. Wee dating has been going on with one girl for about a month. That's been likely to uplift the feelings by some strange way ;). And it has been surprisingly luxorious time as a dwelling-counsellor...

I have myself concentrated in killing the hope in my heart, if it is to be said poetically. We were contemplating this cold reality of life with brother J when I started to count the cold facts and difficulties caused by them. "Tragedies to humans are arranged by the reality." - Dmitri Karamazov
But whatta heck; it's a defence mechanism that's rooted so deeply inside myself that I can even type that paragraph above with ironical smile on my face; this is just to make it sure this limited format of communication carries the true content of message.

So you have laid down a job from software company? Good thing. If not, at least the money comes in, or what? I'm sort of ripped of at the moment so the work or the money, I was supposed to say, will meet the real demand. When you're coming back home from Ireland? Maybe end of June. Then you better eventually take me to the summer cottage to have some sauna and swimming, to take a few beers and let's talk bullshit:).

Umh, I haven't heard anything from that company for a while nor I don't have any idea about the salary but the last message was very outspokenly promising. My already notorious imagination has anyway arranged several alternative work/dwelling opportunities from Toulouse, Strasburg, Ljublanska and beyond The Great Water - so there are plans for each finger!
Hey, I'm P's imagination! You might remember me from such daydreams as "Petty bourgeois paradise in south of France" and "Charity work - in the search of meaningful life"
But let's save the rest of the shite to the quay. I think I'm back to Uganda 16.6. and I was going to bypass Guthenberg: http://www.gbg2001.org/eng/0/0_fin.html
So long...

5:23 AM is a great minute for my home office today. It's been confirmed that my new computer is ready to go. Okay, I was at work downloading the drivers, and that took literally the whole night.

I'm also going to see Akira in a mini-gathering with Crux and Billy in Times Square tonight. If anybody's interested, I'll be having a few drinks in the Firebird Café.

I will never be able to fathom the idea of marriage, but I'll give Katyana and Dizzy a Hihi!

This is it. My last writeup for Level 2. After finishing 12 writeups, most of them new nodes dealing with my family history, this daylog brings me to Level 2. Documenting so much of our history, especially the massacre at Toward Castle, makes me wish I could travel there and see these sites in person. One thing I have promised myself, however, is that if/when I marry, I want to be married in the courtyard of Toward Castle. A place that saw the death of so many of my blood needs to know that we have endured!

I went to my first Prom ever last night.

I don't go to public school, I've decided to go the home school route during my senior year, but many of my friends are still stuck in high school, so (after being asked a few times by friends) I decided I should witness Prom insanity first hand at least one time in my life.
It was a good experience, and I'd suggest it to any high school senior, because I realized that there are alot of people I know who I may never see again in my entire life, even if these people aren't very close to me, Prom was a nice way to kind of say "Goodbye" to everyone, by seeing them one last time when they are all dressed up and spiffy looking.
This morning I woke up at 8:00 AM and decided to spend the entire day downtown, with no money.
Other than gettting out Desert Solitaire from the library and writing some poems, I didn't do anything particularly productive today. I walked around town, slept on the couches at the coffee shop, read a little bit.
It was incredibly hot today also, which made getting off your ass pretty difficult, since all you were getting up to do was go outside and be scorched by the sun.

My official weather forecast for this summer:

It's going to be a scorcher.

I wrote this today in my physical daylog:

First come
More like first serve yourself today,
And anyone else can wait
Until the coin flips and revolutions
Of spiral shaped evolution
Growin ever-nearer to destitution,
Will reverse
From perverse to divine,
Moving to holiness from the company of swine,
Like changing water to wine,
Manifestations of evil turn kind
Like our lives can rewind,
To the lost innocence of childhood
To see where we stand, and where we stood.
So intentions and actions turn good,
Like cleaning soot from ages of well burnt coal,
Like ashes in a bowl
The remnants of a burnt out soul
Exist in decent people who may seem feeble, fickle, or lost.

Well I'm back in Boston, my trip to Atlanta being pretty much a success. I helped get our companies software installed and integrated (well, not completely, but enough where I can help remotely). The customer was gracious, taking me out for lunch each day. I might even run into one of them when they vacation in this area in the summer.

My plane was scheduled to leave at 9:40pm on Friday, but I got there early, so I tried to catch the 6:40 and then the 8:40, with no luck. But the trip home wasn't bad, there wasn't anyone in the middle seat which made for a little more room...

I get home and sure enough, the nice springish 70s and 80s was back to the yucky 50s. Oh when will true spring be here, not to mention summer??? I tried to enjoy dinner at Boson Commons outside, and although it was tolerable, I had to make sure I was in the sun. I know, I know, I should get over it.

Congratulations, Dizzy and Katyana!

i probably should start to look more on women breasts. "Your rack recognition could use some augmentation." was the comment i got after doing the breast test.

ouch. i just realized i only got 3 cigarettes left and i'll get money first on monday -sigh- oh well. i've had darker moments in my life i guess :) it's not like i have to crawl around on the ground looking for butts. i just have to lay up some kind of strategy.. smoke half a cigarette a time. that'll have to do.

today i have been a very good boy. i cleaned the dishes, watered all the flowers and plants in the apartment and took out the garbage.

i feel a lot better than yesterday. mainly because i found out that twin peaks is going to rerun again on swedish tv. when i saw it the last time it became - without doubt - the greatest tvshow i had ever seen. and it still is. i was so sad when it ended, but now it's finally back! it will be great to see agent cooper, the log lady, and everybody else once more. i'm so excited now. i've got gooseflesh while writing this. pretty pathetic if you think of it. oh well... :)

i also did some fun tests at thespark.com today. apparently i am 47% bitch and 37% slut. my iq is 155 and i'll die in the year 2034 when i'm 51 years old probably from cancer or a heart decease. i'll have sex with 13 persons besides my girlfriend and they'll all be boys. i will fall in love with one of them and finally the best, i'll be worth 1 million dollars when i'm 40. better make the most of those remaining 11 years then :)

Had to put up with what may end up being the last standardized test I would have to take for a longwhile. This morning, I had to report to the Math and CS Building @ Kent State to take the Major Field Aptitude Test. I believe this test is the biggest waste of student's time and tuition dollars. After the test was completed, I walked back to my dorm with a couple friends who also took the test. We were conversing about the job market, and what options were available to us as entry-level computer programmers. After my friends went their separate ways. I grabbed a bite to eat from the cafeteria, and proceded to my dorm, where I worked on my research project (see pre-fetching for details), listened to eight hours of video game music, non-stop, and noded whatever ideas or things that were related to what happened on this day.

A singularly long day that, thanks to the timezone conspiracy, manages to start in Italy and end in Mexico about 31 hours later.
Right now I am in the USA. But really I am not; I am flying somwhere over Texas, having recently overflown Canada, the Great Lakes, Arkansas and other places.
I am at 10.000 meters altitude in a French plane full of French and Mexican people. I have watched three movies, and this eternal afternoon is beginning to tire me some - but in two hours I will be in landing at Mexico City, so I bear this test with fortitude.
The two necking teenagers close to me are beginning to tire me as well; they don't stay still, but neither do they get down to serious (and entertaining for the audience) groping.
His idea of caressing is something that would seem more appropriate when applied to a cat.
And she is quite coy, but maybe simply tired with the whole airplane business and with the hairy ponytailed presence on the right (that would be me).

How glad I am to be no longer of that age.
Having secured the downvotes of the teens with the last sentence, let me set down some of the facts of this busy week in Italy before the erosion of memory sets in.

I went there for an interview. It was a very promising interview, in a sense, because they paid plane and hotel and board, but by no means a done deal.
This is how I found myself in the small yet strangely attractive town of Ivrea. I met a lot of interesting people from England, the US, Germany and the Netherlands (the Dutch guy had a serious accent. When I didn't understand "Nuthrlunds" he proceeded to explain: "you know, small, fery small country somewhere in the North, close to Belgium").
Of course, I spoke more English than Italian. The interview went ... I don't know, I have superstitious fears of writing any opinion of how it went.

Let us just say that I did not piss in my pants and that I didn't turn red. This much I could do. Having done the best I could (a typical Boy Scout thing to say), and the decision of hiring me being quite completely out of my hands, I spent some days with my family.
They are planning to move to Milan this summer. The new house still needs fixing, and many things in the new house are already in boxes. All the books, for example. Very disturbing to be so close to an unreachable library.

My father very visibly set aside one room for me and one room for my sister, even if I am not planning to live there and my sister will probably only be spending the weekends there.
But such is the way of the Italian family. I admit that I would be disappointed not to have a room (even symbolically) at my parents' house.

A final tip of the hat to Airfrance that forced me to check in even my hand luggage (which was within the lmits), claiming that we were travelling on a "small plane". The same French genius expressed itself in Charles De Gaulle airport, terminal 2, an impressive masterpiece of glass and concrete engineering where you always have to catch a bus, and where, if it rains, you get wet. But it does look good !, which is what France is indeed all about. Still, three airport bus rides for a simple transfer are a bit too much.

Just so you don't think I am a total whiner, I will also admit that the Airfrance airplane food is quite tasty, they have a fair choice of wine, and that the little individual entertainment system (movies plus games plus plane tracking) manages to keep one amused for hours.


congratulations to the soon to be married folks!

i cleaned my entire house this weekend. not just 'straightened up', or 'put some things away', no. i *cleaned*. i washed the floors, i washed the windows, i washed my mattress, i washed all my laundry including the shower curtain. there is nothing in my house, now, that i don't want there. it's almst terrifying. however, i live in a desert, so everything will be back to dusty-normal by the time i get home. sometimes, i wonder why i bother.

i have two large papers and two analyses to write this week. one of those papers is due today, but i haven't had time to write it, between school and work and keeping the allergies in check. i have to calm down. i'm killing myself. i've had a cramp in my back since thursday and it's making my arm numb. i haven't had caffeine since ... two weeks ago? and, still, i'm twitchy and unpleasant.

soon, the semester will be over. then i can relax a little, and catch up on my filing and my networking. i'll have two weeks of nothing to worry about but work and financial restructuring.

Beneath my feet there is a sleeping stegosaurus. It’s Saturday night and I’m at the Charleston Symphony, listening to StraussAlso Sprach Zarathustra. This morning I spoke to someone who scuba dives in the rivers around here. He told me that there are fossil beds under the city, under the waters.

The orchestra is OK. Actually, very good for an orchestra in the South. They are doing the best they can in a completely classless area. It started when I was walking in. Two women were walking in front of me. At least one of them was wearing enough perfume that I could smell it from 20 feet away. This is considered to be in very poor taste in most circles. Where I’m from - the great, revered North – we don’t wear perfume or cologne to concerts. We discovered, rather quickly, that people who are allergic will sneeze, cough, and die loudly of asthma attacks during concerts if we wear perfume.

Beneath my toes are retired triceratops. They slumber. Can you feel them? Feel your feet – they are under there. Far down, like the earth.

The Music Director speaks well, is personable. This is also something fairly new for me. Maestro Stahl describes the works he will be conducting, gives us enough background so we can see the pictures the orchestra paints. The first piece is Harbison’s Remembering Gatsby. It’s a very interesting piece, but I feel the execution is not so good – the timing is a bit sloppy. Then again, I’m not an expert. I’ve had friends who could hear individual instruments, know exactly who was playing well, and who was lagging. I’m not that good, or that isn’t the way I listen. I like to relax, flow with the music. Sometimes I wonder how others react to orchestras. Do they sometimes get the feeling of floating? Of becoming as ethereal as the string of notes?

All of the dinosaurs dream. We build and build and build. We bury old buildings and build new ones on top of them.

There’s gum on my seat in the auditorium. I move to the next one. The people behind me comment on the fact that the conductor is balding. After the show people who were just listening to Beethoven try to run over pedestrians in a pointless rush to go somewhere else.

If I could make a perfect place, it would be Cleveland in the summer. It would be summer all year long, year after year. Never snow, never a cold night. No wind that tears hope from the soul. And it would have a few dinosaurs too – just to keep us on our toes. So we could have more realistic challenges than trying to not get hit by these drivers or not sit the gum on the seats.

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