13.4

Damn, this neck. Puts really new perspective into ergonomy when you have to support your neck with hand when sitting up or experience rather inconvenient pain. Last night I couldn't even turn the head left. Where did this come? I've spent a day in front of terminal before. Suppose the way I spent it makes difference; I read a book from screen, at first just sitting and watching, later leaning my head on the chairback, lying in rather awkward position. Ah well, painful but worth it. Great book, though I really prefer dead book form books, this isn't something I'd do every day.

The book in itself was quite interesting. Journey to Alpha Centauri. OK, it's a bit geeky to read books about a friggin' game, but then again, some would argue that reading a book from a computer screen at all is pretty geeky. Geeks do geeky things. Which reminds me, the monitor is 15" (I think - the diagonal diameter of visible space was actually a bit under 15 inches) and screen's at 1280x1024 resolution. They say that's insanity and bound to destroy my vision (see eye strains). I wonder if that's true; the first day I had quite a headache, but now this is completely natural. I don't even need to squint. And the non-downscaled background image of rei ayanami in kimono, the reason I switched resolution in first place, really makes up for it ;)

But the book. Or well, a novel maybe. I didn't expect much as I read it; it was a marketing effort, designed to rule unsuspecting nerds into giving their money to firaxis, but I think the game was good enough to justify that. The characters actually had character (is that a pun?), but obviously they were rather stereotypic - but that's just as well for characters meant to be just icons for ideologies fighting. But, the writer succeeded in giving a plausible rationale for their actions; only Miriam Godwinson, the leader of religious faction, seemed like a moron. But then again, I've yet to meet a religious person whose rationales for faith didn't sound stupid to me, so I'm a bit biased (and judging by Miriam's behaviour in game when controlled by AI, I don't think the coders were particularly fond of religions either... crusades are one thing, being a total bitch is another.).

Some relevant passages (maybe I should write a node about these? My alpha centauri -related nodes didn't get exactly a warm greeting, but who cares...):

Prokhor Zakharov (ex-Prokhor Saratov): You can not measure faith. You are atoms, and nothing more. That your configuration of atoms believes in something it calls God means nothing. Your kind, you crusaders, have set back humanity a thousand years or more.

Miriam Godwinson: Your atoms betray you. Every struggle you undertake is for a purpose you can not define. Put your own faith in science, because it feels safe. Rescue the ship, because you consider it a grand experiment. Live or die, it changes nothing. God is waiting for you as well as me.

Nwabudike Morgan: Exploit. I wondered who would first use that word. We all... all life forms exploit, Officer. Your plants exploit the very air we exhale. We exploit them for food. But even the simplest of your hybrids would gladly kill us if they could, to stop from being torn from the earth and consumed. [..] If you wanted Planet to remain truly pure, you would not have come at all.


14.4

Surprisingly, even after a night's sleep my neck is not fine. Did I break something? Aww. Well, it's better, but turning my head too far left still feels rather uncomfortable. I up around 09:20. I put the TV on on computer and went back to bed, thinking that I'd wake up when pokemon started. Yes, Pokemon! And I'm technically (well, legally) an adult. The damn show is still strangely attractive. The drawing, although a little crude, reminds me of nge, and as much it shames me to admit it, I actually find pikachu quite cute and like normal human beings, don't have an urge to skin him. Pikapiipii! Chuuu?... And don't get me even started on Jenny, Joy and others.

Now the day's turned to evening (where do those days go? I never get out, never see anyone besides my family and not too much of even them, I don't even really do anything geeky in large proportions. It's almost 3 days since I coded, for e's sake!). I was just reading a book called centauri dawn. It's written by the same guy who wrote journey to centauri and centauri: arrival, but it's a full-fledged trilogy with mighty 300 pages/book. I liked alpha centauri enough to add 5$ more to my amazon.com bill, and I don't think it was even wasted. OK, I don't like the focus on peacekeepers and spartans exclusively; zakharov's people are so much more interesting. Strange... I was just reading the description on Santiago's attack at U.N. Headquarters. Her troops had just fired high-energy laser beams directly at tower where peacekeeper were operating machine guns. As the shot blinded one of them, private Jones, I thought "what? blinded for rest of her life?!". I found the idea horrifying. It was curious, since soldiers on both sides were dying all around. I guess, with majority of popular games being about killing in way or another, you start ignoring it. This not to say the games are turning us to killers. To me it seems pretty obvious that it's very hard to confuse games with reality, no matter what some say.

Still, I think I'll be less militant in my next alpha centauri game. Estimation of what really happens when you move that Impact Rover towards Plasma Garrison unit and watch numbers, presented in first person, has just so much more emotional impact than "Strength: 5.00 vs 4.23 - Power 10..8..4..2..*boom*". Fine, it's just a book, but so what. Let me rant if I want to.

It's been a while since I stayed up late coding 'n stuff.

The other day, I came across a really simple bit of Perl forum software, and thought that it would do nicely for the SubCity website. And I was right, it does run nicely. What's more it was ridiculously easy to fix the GUI to fit, and as a bonus I now have a little more Perl knowlege, as well as the basics of CSS and a little XML to boot. It did take me until 2am before it looked good, but I'm happy with it.

It was also good to log in this morning to 21 extra XP. Thanks, Mark.

Today, two net friends, one from Aberdeen and one from Dundee are both coming to Glasgow to do some shopping and sample the nightlife here. Completely independently of each other. I've known both of them for years, and have been trying to persuade them to come down here for a while, and they both choose to do it on the same weekend. Weird, eh?

As for the uni work which I was moaning about recently? I think I'll do alright in management, which is good, I can get an exemption from the degree exam next month if I get over 71% in the upcoming test. Maths shouldn't be too much of a problem, hopefully, and I may just scrape a pass in Mechanics. As for Thermodynamics and Fluid Mechanics? Not a chance in hell. I have a lot of work to do before the finals for those.

And I'm trying not to let my PDE project worry me too much. I can always resit it...

Got two nice packages via UPS today. Two SCSI CD-ROM towers with an Ethernet link. They supposedly had five 4X SCSI CD-ROMS each in them.

I opened up the first one to discover five new 40X SCSI CD-ROMs. This made my day, as the price I paid for the entire set would be less than one 40X CD player.

I opened up the second unit to find it has five 12X SCSI CD-ROMs, a 40X CD-ROM that was behind the faceplate and could not be accessed without removing the blank cover (I guess as a backup), and a 9Gig SCSI hard drive.

At this point I thought I was in retro tech heaven. Then I opened up the trays of the CD-ROMs. I now have an original Windows 2000 Advanced Server CD, an original Win2K Pro CD, a set of Mopar Parts Catalog disks (only given out to Mopar parts dealers), and two music CDs - Dido's No Angel and Steely Dan's Citizen CDs.

That's the best return on $28 that I've seen in a very long time.

Pulling out the weeds

This morning I was sitting out on the patio pulling weeds out by the roots from between the bricks. They had grown large because I had not tended to them in a while. I moved along yanking and tossing leaving the patio smooth and clean like new behind me. As I sat out there doing this chore I overheard a conversation between two boys in my care. They were playing on the porch.

Older child (also the very negative child) "This is pathetic! It can't be done.."
Younger child "Nicky, where's your spirit? Come on, trust me! We can do this! We just have to figure it out."
Older :"it's no use, this is so stupid, everything is in the way, we can't do it with only these two towels."
Younger child "Find your spirit, look we can do it this way instead"

The conversation continued on much like this. They were talking about building a fort in the porch under one of the tables. The older one kept looking for the bad and couldn't see how their idea could work and the younger kept asking where his spirit was after every negative comment. Those words of the younger child rang through my mind as I steadily worked at removing the weeds.

"Where's your spirit?"

I had to ask myself that same question. Where was my spirit? I have gotten myself so caught up in the suspicions and the distrust that I could not see the good no matter how much I tried. It was as if the suspicions had taken root and broken apart my spirit as the weeds had done to the bricks. My patio is clean and fresh with the removal of the weeds. Maybe it's time I pulled the weeds from my thoughts now. Consider this my way of yanking out the weeds, separating the good from the bad. These are thoughts that have run through my mind.

  • Friendship is one of the most important things in the world.
  • It reaches past the fault and shines on the virtue.
  • It doesn't hold grudges.
  • Don't let the disillusionment destroy your faith in the friendship.
  • Anger makes you forget the good points. The picture gets out of focus.
  • This is the time to list all the good things. Each of them will be a reason to forgive or forget and move on.
  • no one is perfect (not even me)
  • Don't judge one friendship based on another for each one is different.

Here's my list of what I like about you.

  • good listener
  • thoughtful advisor
  • helps me sort through the STUFF
  • makes me think
  • YOU ARE FUN!
  • for the most part,you have a smashing good outlook on life!
  • you look for the good in people
  • you speak up for what you believe in
  • you share your enthusiasm for music with me!
  • you share books and movies that you like with me
  • you share your voice (I STILL think you should pursue a recording contract...)
  • you share your ideas
  • you share yourself, who you are and what you believe
  • good for a laugh when it's needed most
  • damn fine smile that reaches to your eyes
  • you don't hesitate to tell me I'm wrong when I am
  • you forgive me even when I have a hard time forgiving myself

What has me upside down ...

(edited for brevity... removed three or four paragraphs at least... you may breathe sighs of relief now...)

one thing and one thing only:

The thought that you may have lied to me.

Why? To me, a lie is equivalent to a betrayal of trust. But can I overlook it? And WHY am I letting something that happened long ago still color my thoughts today? Why can't I just let it all go and trust?

I have my reasons for the difficulty with trust. Trust is easily shaken with me and I hope that you will not hold that against me. I have to not let this past thing effect how I think about you in this situation. You are not that other person. I have to go back out on that limb or be doomed to forever be distrustful of everyone. I choose not to live my life that way. I have to go with the person that I've known you to be and not let this one thing color my view. All the good things I know add up to 200% more than one doubt. I cannot allow myself to hold on to that doubt anymore. So, I'm letting it go. I got it all out and I am done with it. I hope that you will not hold my thoughts against me. You are my friend. That is all that matters. The rest is nothing. I found my own way around. I've pulled out the weeds. I still hold the spirit of our friendship close to my heart.

So... where do we go from here?

Chris

(another excerpt from letters/journal...6/28/00)
(ps. IT'S ALL GOOD!)

Oh Lord, the troubles I've seen...


So much for the optimism and happiness of my Meadowlark node. I should have done what the singer did: fly away, so as not to be hurt again. I once said to a friend of mine, "Ain't life grand?" In reply, he said, "Yes, though it can be a hard kick in the privates some times."

My Christianity was stretched to the limit by all of this. ("This" being finding out that my boyfriend has been stringing me along for a week or two while carrying on an affair behind my back.) Anyway, when I confronted him about it, he was really and truly sorry. He didn't want to try to continue our relationship, but he does want to still be my friend.

And I forgave him.

Odds and Ends Gleaned From This Experience

* I've never hyperventilated and gotten tunnel vision before -- what a curious experience.
* I now have a new sense memory to draw upon when necessary on stage.
* I now have a new life experience to draw upon when writing a play.
* However bad I may think my life is right now (cf April 3, 2001), it's not reached Jobian proportions.
* However bad I may think my life is right now, my mother spent a year fighting breast cancer, and never once complained about it.


Hmmm, I'm treating the Daily Log like most people treat God: when times are tough, I node in the daily log; when times are good, the daily log doesn't hear from me.


Guess it's time to live up to Stephen Sondheim's lyric:

Stop worrying where you're going -- move on!
If you can know where you're going
You've already gone.
Just keep moving on.

I miss her. I miss her more than she would ever know, or care to believe.

I hate her. I hate her for twisting the knife after hastening my reluctance...

It's my fault. I never should have let her know me. I never should have succumbed to my overly hormonal tendancies. I never should have allowed her to draw me in like that. I opened up to the one that I vowed to never trust again, simply because I was lonely and felt my cause was lost...

I didn't think Sarah cared anymore, or that she had moved on and didn't see fit to let me know. Hell, I thought I was being avoided. Obviously it was the same on the other end of it, but I hadn't moved on. I really grew to care about her, but we both repelled each other as we got closer. Maybe it hit a collective critical mass or something. Blech... Maybe it was supposed to end anyway.

I ended it alright - doing what I thought was best for myself, which included being with somebody else. I thought I was justified in my actions, because she didn't care about me anymore.. Or at least she couldn't, or wouldn't show it. What was she supposed to do anyway? Wasn't her fault - completely.

That was months ago. Most if it's been played out, and the way it stands now Sarah's depressed and Angie's still calling me.

What's different? I'm not avoiding it anymore. I will fucking make things 'right' if I have to fucking drag the truth in kicking and screaming... I don't give a shit anymore, and i've been here before. I miss her... And i feel like she needs me, or at least that i could benefit her life.

And, that night, I sat back and watched - even participated slightly - as she twisted the blade that i had driven in. I can't forgive her for that, as cold and calculated as it seems like it was, forcing me into a decision that I would've been otherwise simple. Of course.... I won't ever know for sure, which is part of the whole 'mistrust' issue.

And. . . "It's over" obviously didn't mean "it's over." She now has liscence to do whatever she wants with herself, just as I do. I feel she's slightly more inclined to go do things with other people - or at least it'd be a little easier for her, being female and attractive. And she comes back to me, wanting to do things that I promised myself I'd only do in a committed relationship - and I would. Well... that Sunday, it was over. That Monday, after her visit, I knew it was really over.

Empty. That's how I felt... I felt, well, hollow. If I had any dignity and self respect before that, it took rebuilding to get it back. Because I didn't have any feelings for her... it was just physical activity for the sake of it. And that particular activity is sacred. I felt like the worshipper that had just walked barefot on the grave of his martyr, paying no respect. If that makes any sense... If not, just disregard it I guess, and even if it made sense I don't know if it got across correctly... Blah... anyway.

That's it. By no means a full update or anything, but certainly something to chew on or for me to look back on. I learned alot from reading old daylogs, and i didn't make the same mistake the third time. hope I can keep it up.

BTW, Chitlin Soulfood of Brell Serilis is offically level 41. 5 more levels till i'm planar! And I got my Bracer of Hammerfall the other day... Umm. Yeah. ;p Lowping's level 19. Zahadum, my new Cleric alt, is level 9... Hrm... Lotsa interesting stuff. Just goofy EQ junk.

Node for the ages. I like that phrase so much. I try, but not until many (non-content) edits will these nodes be prepared to join the great etherial mist of the nodegel which is to be hardened by time... Once the gel settles, there is little chance for turning back.

my birthday last monday. People that were supposed to remember - remembered. People that weren't, well they obviously forgot(no suprise there). I got 3 cool things:
  1. A metalic bug ( i work in QA). I glued it in my car. It's cool :D
  2. Winter Hearts.Book 9 of the Wheel of Time series. My little withdrawal is complete, and i have a lot of stuff to do. So i'm waiting a bit on reading this one. Heh. I love ya man. Thanks.
  3. Most suprisingly (in a good way) I got a message from Becca who said that she enjoyed my daylogs. That's definitely made my month.


The whole change of schedule from sleeping in the day awake in the night, back to working during the day sleeping during the night completely kicked me in the balls. I was so bad that at one point in time I took a nap in my chair for about 40 minutes. (it's high backed, ergonomic piece of shit. Hurts my lower back...). Nobody noticed. Blah blah blah...

Two alarming occurances this friday. Girls swearing at me, and calling me immature ( which i dont disagree with). When guys swear at me it's simple. Retaliate with an admision of sexual relations with their mother, father, sibling and or household pets. With girls, it's completely other matter. I can't bring myself to swear at them. Anyhow, they just left me dumbfounded and shaken. I need to grow up.

I think I need to live like i drive. I'm a pretty courteous type of guy on the road. I'll let you in, but i'll cut you off if you're a damn asshole. When I need to get in, I will. I'll break the rules when I see fit too. Why can't i be like that off the road?

Was talking to my friend few days ago. Most of his friends apparently are seeing a shrink for one reason or another. Now, I consider myself a fucked up person of sorts. It's sort of ironic that they with their ""normal"" (married, in school, girlfriend, abortions, car wrecks) lives have to see a shrink whereas i'm really slowly crawling along solving my problems. On the other hand, are my problems there, or am I making them up? I don't know. A friend of mine told me that shrinks do nothing but pump you full of drugs and extort more money. Another friend disagreed. She said that while I repress my emotions and ignore other issues she's getting help. I can see both points..but...shrug..

Fridays seem to be the best days of the week. My friend Boris called me up after work. He suggested that we celebrate our birthdays (his is on April 11). I suggested Daimaru which is a local all you can eat sushi place. It was a setting for a curious event. As I was sitting down at my table i swept the japanese place with a glance. Checking for enemies so to speak. Exactly 2 meters in front at different table was sitting She.....couple of weeks earlier I was at the bank. I had to deposit my check and was completely immersed in thought, not looking around. As I placed the check on the table in front of the clerk a pulled my cell phone out. The girl behind the counter asked me something. I looked up, and saw by far the cutest girl i have seen in months. She asked me what I thought about the cell phone and blah blah blah. Awkward (on my part) conversation insued where i found that she's 19, studying at a local college, to transfer to SFU from which i was recently kicked out. Her name tag was covered by her hair. Since it was strategically placed on her left breast I avoided looking at it too intently. I was too afraid to ask her what her name was (stupiddddddddd!). As my check was deposited, I said my thanks and left. I haven't seen her since, but thought about her a number of times....anyhow I noticed her sitting not far from me, but before you get too excited gentle reader, i didn't do anything. She was with a buncha friends, and I'm totaly intimidated by people. I was looking at her a lot. I noticed her looking at me more then once, which probably means she recognized me. I have a good excuse ready for why i didn't come and talk to her. ...not that i have a crush or even mildy infatuated with her. How can i be? Pure physical attraction. Something to think and fantasize about in my life....

...too long and boring. I'm going to sleep.

**********************************************
Warning
This node is long and boring
and contains author's thoughts.
The author will not be held responsible for
half coherent writing at 5am



g   
    o

     o
         o
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                    n
                   i
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               h
             T
         !
          !




Stuff i also need to write about. Jean. Friends. Zig. School. Girls. Jealous. Memory

A year of joy,
a year of love,
a year of passion
and sweet surprises,

all these and more I wish for you.

Happy Birthday cahla.

There isn't much to be said about redundancy lately, except that it isn't fun to be experiencing. Depression that can't be shrugged off, fatigue that can't be rested off, and boredom that can't be blown off with even the help of great friends. Clenching my fist tightly, my fingernails start making crescent moon shaped marks in my palm. I let the pressure loose, and let the blood rush back. Frustrating would be an understatement but hopeless would be an overstatement. To live knowing that what you need is in the hands of other people, is not particularly pleasant. It feels like a root canal but without the anaesthetic.

Sleeping roughly, I dream dark dreams once again. At least I don't remember the exact details anymore. I knew it was disturbing but I don't ask questions anymore. I wake up, sweating, with my blanket scrunched against my body. I place my glasses on my face, and get up. After the typical morning bathroom habits, I get ready for work. Late waking up I guess. People are already celebrating their Good Friday with their loved ones while I'm still asleep. I don't mind but I guess it isn't very efficient. Off to Ikea to earn some money.

Time and a half. Not bad for the day's salary I guess. 6 hours instead of 4. Same work, more money. Not my fault I didn't work harder. Its not in the bloody contract. It seemed to drag the whole day today, but I didn't mind. An occupied mind isn't a bored mind I presume. My co-worker started folding up my already folded up uniform. She was like "I wanted to show off his muscles". Hmm. Don't know whether it was a compliment or an insult. I don't say much. Just keep smiling and walking away. Thats right. Smile. Makes me feel so damn dirty. I'm such a pawn to common courtesy and politeness. We finish early, only for them to offer a cigarette. It has been a while but I guess I knew better. Its best to quit even before you start. Thats my motto for a lot of things. Smoking. School. Love. Blargh. I go home.

I get picked up by my mom, sister and her friend Jean. Since my sister is gone off to San Fransisco, I'm the one to be the fourth for their Mahjong game. That's why they picked me up because they knew I wouldn't say no to Jean. It would be rude. No no no. I can't be rude now. I get more and more pathetic.

I feel like one of the forsaken, often forgotten, often neglected, always abused. I lose a life altering 12 cents in the game. I wasn't paying attention. I rather not have been home anyways. MrFurious, Melodrame and friends were out and I wasn't able to be there. Disappointed but hopefully won't be the last time. Game over. Time for some DDR and Slurpee. What else can a guy do? Be consistent. I come home.

Brood War blew, due to lack of concentration due to unable to multitask properly. Phone calls and a tense game is a bad idea. Now, after talking on the phone for about four hours, I hang up. I don't say much. My lips are dry, and so is my tongue. Besides, too much SES, FinK.L. and Baby V.O.X. for me today.

I sit here, alone. I tread on shallow waters, wade in the cold waters of destiny. Let it guide me to where I am to go. I don't believe in destiny but let it exist when I need it to. Let my faults and mistakes be because of this unknown force. Slowly, I place my head under its waters, and drink. I feel the knowledge come into my mind, and feel the life being drained out. Let me know all that I need. I've had all of life that I can handle.

Blink slowly as life may pass you by. Breathe slowly as the love of your life may have passed you by. Listen carefully as the words of intelligence may come to you when you do not expect it. Speak lightly as someone might be listening. Feel all as you may learn from pain. Life slowly, so you can understand all. Finally, die quickly, so you'll have more of eternity to understand why life is precious and why its unfair.
I purchased some rollerblades last night. I gave them a quick try when I got home, and I realized that they are a bit more difficult than roller skates. Or maybe I'm just out of practice.

I've been spending a lot of time waiting on a reply from Sara. I finally rigged up my email client to send me a page when she writes back. At least this way I won't feel like I need to re-check my email every half hour. I re-read a bunch of the emails that we exchanged over the past couple months and I realized how pathetic I was getting to be. I finally gave in and wrote her a quick message today to say so.

I'm not sure what I'm going to do today besides going out and busting my ass with these rollerblades, but I guess I'll just have to make it up as I go along.

I've only been awake for three and a half hours and I already know that today is going to be wretched.

I wokeup around 11 and went straight to work.
I've been trying to fix my Dad's trailer tire so that he bring his boat to go fishing for about a week (he said he'll give me $100 if I could do it, because he certainly can't). So I've been running back and forth to every auto parts store in town trying to get studs with the right size knurl and threads to fit the hub of the trailer (which has two different sized hubs, for some fucked up reason).
I wake up, eat breakfast, brush my teeth, and go straight to work on his damn trailer.
I'm up there about 15 minutes before my dad comes up to help me get a nut off of a stud which is turning therefore making it impossible to remove the nut.
When I finally get the nut off, it is stuck in the tire iron, so I knock it on the ground to shake it, and my dad starts yelling at me for getting the nut stuck in the tire iron.
I tried to explain to him that I was trying to loosen it, but he's got concrete for brains sometimes.
So I say "Look, I've been working on your damn trailer for a week, don't yell at me right before I finish the job!".
This makes my dad go off on some kind of self righteous tangent about how I swear to much (I wonder where I get it from since he curses like a sailor all day and night).
In the end he tells me that I can't do anything tonight, which is fucked up because I was supposed to go to a benefit for the micropowered radio station I've been DJing at (Free Radio Asheville).

Basically, he's not permitting me to do anything productive, instead I have to be punished for saying "damn".

I can't wait until August 11, I'll be moving out of this hell hole and into my dorm at UNC-Asheville.
Today I shall embark upon the pursuit of the current feminine ideal – at least in the physical sense.

I took my mother out shopping today, and hour after hour of tedious shoe examination she came upon the belt section. She insisted on me trying to wear a size “small” belt; and when I could barely fit into it, she gasped as if it’s the most horrid thing in the world and exclaimed that she had no idea I had gotten so impossibly fat. Granted, I’m about ten pounds heavier than I was in High School, but it is really no cause for alarm. I’m not so obese that I am putting my health at risk by being a bit more sedentary than before.

I have a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach that each every time I see my mother from now until when I can be considered "skinny” that I will be harangued endlessly about my shameful state of being.

Its not as if not being able to fit into your favorite form-fitting shirt is ample punishment, but I must be reminded each day that I’m fat as if I’m completely oblivious to my own body.

I really do want to fit into and prance around in my skimpy tight clothing. I really do want to be able to wear a bikini without being self-conscious when I go to the beach. I really do want to have a flat belly that doesn’t have a trace of fat. It would all be better if it didn’t matter what I looked like. But it does - to myself and to the world at large. I’d really like to tell myself it doesn’t matter how much I weigh, or what size jeans I wear – but face it – it really does matter, whether I want it to or not.

All the while, my auntie tells me I need to eat more, because I’m a growing girl. Yeah, growing sideways…

Oh the irony

Laying on my back in the wet grass outside the bar, I stare in intoxicated fascination at the night sky.

"Check it out, it's a satellite!" I shout excitedly to Angel, pointing to the moving pinpoint of light above. "I wonder if that's the International Space Station. It's supposed to be the third brightest object in the sky now, after the sun and moon."

Then I notice there's another pinpoint in the sky, moving in the exact same speed in the exact same direction. That's really strange. What is that?

As as my fuzzy eyes adjust to the dark and I examine the sky more closely, I find that all the stars are moving!

holy shit...what's happening?

My head is racing with ideas, trying to explain this strange and frightening new reality. Lifting my head up off the ground, I peer around and notice that the stars are not alone in their circuitous, maddening travels. The entire world around me is spinning.

it's not the sky...it's me.

I lean my drunken head back on the grass and laugh, pleased with myself for coming to this realization.

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