Shoot, man. I thought this Ninja gig was going to be good, y'know what I'm saying? Me and Sevon got into this bigtime, and we were gonna be like, hardcore ninja crimelords. We still will be. I gotta hold onto the dream.
Ok, ok, so we knew we were gonna be starting smalltime, like as minions or like that. We figured that. No one starts at the like John Gotti level, or Suge Knight, or whatever. But we thought, like, some bigtime talent would recognize our skills and put us on his cru. Like maybe some mafia Godfather, or like, maybe not Lex Luthor or the Joker, but one of those smaller but still cool old school supervillains. Their minions always have the most boss outfits.
But who do we get to finally hire us? Freakin' Jade Croscola. What is this? The best we can rate is some freakin' ninjette whose idea of a hardcore score is kidnapping some mascot, some smiley tiger. That's why I have the lame name here at this, like, blog site. It's kind of like a joke.
And our crib? Croscola's Secret Lair? Man, it's like a closet no one's using in the basement of this insurance company building. Ok, so maybe technically it's a room, but if you, like ran into it real fast, you'd hit the other freakin' wall! And she's so freakin' proud that we can slip by the Insurance guys. Yeah, that's SO hardcore, Jade. I am blown away by your buttkicking ninja skills. And she's a big name in these parts? Man, we gotta find a new town, you know what I'm saying?
So that's our big job for Monday. We walk in and walk out with some smiley, bouncy reject from freakin' Winnie the Pooh. The security's like, what? Some old guy with a cell phone?
But, she says they'll pay, like, serious g's to get this tiger back, so what do I know.
Oh, and you know what Jade "I am so totally eeevil" freakin' Croscola calls this outfit? No, really? We're "the Great Ninja Assassin Revenge Posse." So like, who is going to take us seriously when we're known as "GNARP?" And revenge? What are we supposed to be taking revenge against? Does she even know what "revenge" means?LAME!
Posse is so freakin' passe. Posse is for posers, not hardcore buttkicking ninjas like me and Sevon.
Ok, ok. It's like that Stephen Covey guy Sevon's always quoting says. "The main thing is to keep the main thing the main thing." He's so, like, smart. If I just keep this the main thing for now, and like, do my best, and be the most butt-kickingest Great Assassin Revenge Ninja I can be. We will do this crappy job for her royal Evilness, and we will do this crappy job major buttkickingestly, and then we'll look for a better main thing.
Maybe one with cooler outfits.
Shoot. I'm gonna go surf around this place for more horror stories to put me to sleep. Man, I wish this place would let me vote already.
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