So what if a chicken, or a cow, or a turkey, or a pig, or a deer, or a plethora of rabbits, or a dog, or your mom dies to make a meal for me. These creatures are all eventually going to slough off this mortal coil for another life anyway.

The facts? An area of a pasture that could be used to produce a great number of vegetables is used to produce only a much smaller amount of meat. I, in all honesty, am okay with this. In fact, I say, let's make more meat products available. Maybe I want to be able to pursue the American dream in my own way. Maybe my sole driving goal in life is to be able to convert to the purest form of carnivorous dieting that I can.

With this in mind, I've begun contacting numerous producers of fine meat products with this objective in mind. As the vegetarians have already tried so hard to convince us, vegetables can be substituted for meats (even made to seem more like real meats). Now, I've been wondering lately if I could get this gig going the other way. Who knows how I can convince people to start making vegetable substitutes out of meat? Maybe I want to be a carnivore because I feel sorry for all the grapes and artichokes that suffer the wrath of the sickle every harvest season.

I have been imbued with a dream, and I'm hoping that you can stick with me for a moment. Cows are stupid and ugly. Pigs are filthy and ugly. Chickens are filthy, stupid, and ugly. Fields full of strawberries are beautiful. Please, join me in my crusade and help me to set the wrongs right. How many times have you heard the anguishing din of the thresher through the cut grain when you see a vegetarian taking a bite out of that salad sandwich? Can you see the tomatoes ripe on their vines? Succulent and rich, content in the wholeness of their existence? Are you rendered helpless at the sight of a potato that's been baked beyond the earthen recognition of its original home? Then stand with me when I say, "You just can't beat meat."

Now, you may a picture of bunnies in a lab, being tested for cosmetic design, but that has nothing to do with them being eaten (the slaughter house looks much worse). You may see or imagine this and think, gee, I sure feel sorry for all those bunnies. But think about what those bunnies have spent the wholes of their lives doing? Taking vegetables from the ground. Vegetables that would have lived to complete fruition and glory had it not been for these merciless killing machines... My how the tables have turned...

I can't even go to the university cafeteria anymore without running into vegetarian scum of the earth... They could at least admit to the race they belong to and be omnivores dammit. Why the hell do we have 'canine' teeth? Canines don't enjoy a good salad now do they? Everytime I see lettuce I cry a single tear for the forlorn and helpless form of life that died so another vegetarian could get their damn meal.

Meat may be murder, but the average cow is about as sentient as the average bush of berries, and I'd much rather eat steak than strip the bush of it's berries.

A sentiment which in many cases is fueled by insecurity (laugh at these people with me, please ?), guilt (wh-wh-what...there's nothing wrong with eating meat ! I'm not a bad person, really !), laziness (everyone else makes fun of veg*ans == easy target), and general immaturity.

Most anti-veg*an jokes/rants rely on a few points:

Animals are dumb/dirty/ugly/smelly !
If they're so nasty, why eat them ? Just say "Them animals shore taste good !" and be done with it !

Veg*ans are murdering vegetables !
If you're so concerned about the innocent, immobile plants then I hate to break it to you, but when you eat herbivorous animals just think of the millions of poor little grasses that died for your one pound of flesh ! They eat many times more helpless plant victims than any veg*an could. So stop perpetuating the demand for these walking plant holocausts ! The more meat you eat, the more innocent plants die !

Our bodies are built to eat meat !
So are pandas, and you wanna' compare your own measly canines to a mountain gorilla's ? And for that matter, our bodies have parts made for sex, but that doesn't mean everyone should or does get it.

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