There are only so many different types of people. There may be just twelve, like the sun sign junkies want to believe. In fact, I think twelve might be a good solid number. But regardless of what the number is, there can be no doubt that there are only so many types of people. I am speaking both in terms of behavior and appearance. So I know a whole lot about Annika Sorenstam. I know that she's probably a real demanding bitch to live with. And I know that sex with her is probably something you wouldn't soon forget. I know this because she looks just exactly like a girl I used to know. She's a good half a dozen inches taller (5'6"), but otherwise they are identical twins.

Maybe that's why Annika caught my eye the very first time I ever saw her playing golf on television. That, and the fact that she consistently did what all my teachers told me not to do during a golf swing. I was constantly peppered with the dictum, "Don't raise your head!" I heard it said a thousand different ways. I saw other hackers buying silly-ass "golf aides" to help them with this supposed problem. One of the more stringent items came with a big fish hook attached to a strong string which you secured to the rim of your hat. The hook went directly underneath your scrotum. Thus, if you lifted your head during the golf swing, your balls would resemble something they pull up on the Fishing Channel. It was actually hard to say whether that golfing aide was a joke or not. This was the depth of the seriousness of the issue of keeping the head still during the swing. Supposedly, the body pivots around the stasis which is your head and this is the key to the perfect golf swing.

But look at lovely little Annika when she hits a golf shot. Watch as her precious blonde pea-shaped head follows the clubhead during the follow through. See her lovely blue Nordic eyes trace the clubhead's path from dirt to sky. She's breaking the Cardinal rule I had beaten into me from these know-it-alls who helped ruin my love of what used to be a natural outing on God's green earth. And I paid them good money to do it. Ah, well. What can I do? Golf is history for me, but it's a current event for Annika. And she's dominating her field like no one has ever done before.

She was born October 9, 1970 in Stockholm, Sweden. This is Libra for the sun sign nuts and I honestly know very little about these folks. I do know that it is an Air Sign and that the girl she looks just like in my life is an Aquarian, also an Air Sign. So I'm figuring that this fits some pattern I can promulgate for my own purposes in this study.

Her parents were Tom and Gunilla, both sports nuts who were heavy into tennis, skiing, volleyball and golf. In fact, tennis was the sport which these heavy-handed freaks first pushed the little Annika first gravitated towards. The family all moved to London when she was 10 (just what the hell do you have to do to get kicked out of Sweden, for God's sake?) and Annika was rising in the ranks of young tennis players in her circle.

But when the menses came upon her, or at least around that time, she realized that her backhand was just ordinary (unlike her backside) and she shifted her passion to golf. There was an 18-hole course nearby the family's house and she began spending most of her time there. When one of her countrywomen, Lisolotte Neumann, won the Women's US Open in 1988, the deal was sealed.

At age 19, she was admitted to the University of Arizona and that's when she began to get noticed as a real up and coming star in the women's golf world. She won the 1991 College Player of the Year award and was also the NCAA champion that year. She was the World Amateur Champion in 1992 and the second-lowest amateur at the US Open the same year. She earned a spot on the LPGA in 1994 and despite only one second-place finish as her best result, she won the Rookie of the Year award. The next year was quite a different story. Her first Tour victory was the US Open, and that began a dominance of the women's Tour that is still in blossom as I write this.

An Aussie lass with some serious game, Karrie Webb, came along around this time and this began a rivalry that has drawn viewers to the LPGA in numbers that were likely unimagined when the ladies' Tour began being a regular feature on cable outlets.

Annika won a dozen times during 1997 to 1999. This made her the winningest player of the decade on the LPGA. She did the unlikely which is shoot a 59 during one round in competition in 2001. If you don't know golf, a score of 59 on 18 holes is the Holy Grail of the sport. No one cares if it was a Par 72, 71, or 70 course. She still wears a hat with that number on it when she plays. Hell, I'd have that number tattooed on my forehead had it been me. But it was in 2002 that she absolutely plowed under any wannabe contenders. She started bulking up and doing the Tiger Woods-like fitness regimen which helped her stay in that mental zone that all great golfers find at one point in their careers. She won 11 tournaments that year and set or tied 20 LPGA records. The only other LPGA player to win that many times in one year was Mickey Wright who did it in 1964.

Sadly, the thing she'll probably be remembered for the most by the average Joe is that she played an event on the PGA Tour in 2003. The press that this miscarriage got was so over the top that it became laughable. Sure, it's a great thing that she's the first woman since Babe Didrikson Zaharias at the 1945 Los Angeles Open to play an event on the men's tour. Sure, she did fairly well the first day before missing the cut by four strokes the next. But this carney marketing ploy really only serves to diminish the spotlight that should be placed on what she has done on the LPGA.

And that guy who's getting all the benefits as well as the counterpunches by being married to her and serving as her sometimes caddie is David Esch. God bless him. I know what it's like to live with this woman and it cannot be easy.

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