A hero of Russian folklore, Alyosha Popovitch was a powerful warrior who defeated enemies not through brute strength but clever tricks. He served prince Vladimir of Kiev by guarding the borders of old Russia from monsters and demons alongside his fellow heroes such as Ilya Muromets and Dobrynya Nikititch.

Daddy being a spooky priest, Alyosha was born to the sound of some bad-assed thunder and the very next day was seen to hop into a horse's saddle and ride "to see the world, to boast and to win". Fuckin' A.

Alyosha was also known as a vicious practical prankster among his kin-until he went too far. Once, when Dobrynya went far away, Alyosha came to Dobrynya's wife and told her that her husband was dead and that she should marry him. She rejected him, and afterwards Dobrynya beat Alyosha to death.

Dumbass.

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