In 1911, Monsier Telchett, a tailor, made a spring-loaded batwing cape. In December of that year, he requested and obtained permission from the Eiffel Tower's management to leap from the first platform to test his flying suit. When he took his first look down, he tried to weasel out, but members of the press and his so-called friends goaded him into jumping. His useless wings buckled and rather than fly, he plummetted. Seconds later, Telchett lay in a wile E coyote style hole one foot deep. He was the first person to die by intentionally jumping off the Tower.

RE: Catalog information

Dear Acme,
I received my order of rocket propelled roller skates today (model number RPS-7000) and I am writing to tell you that in light of real world operational use I have a found that you have left out important information from your catalog. While the product itself does exactly what the brochure states, there are few important factors that you do not cover either in the sales brochure or the enclosed sign of an exclamation point, which I am assuming, is the safety manual.

As soon as I lit the fuses, I was rocketed (not forward, as I had expected) but straight up 100 feet and slammed snout first into a rocky outcropping. The impact stalled the engines and I plummeted back down to Earth but was saved from impact at the last moment when the engines kicked back on. Unfortunately that sent me over the edge of another cliff where I fell a couple of thousand feet narrowly missing a pool of water and landing instead on a lonesome road where I was run over by one of your delivery trucks. Luckily, the skates shorted out at this point because I needed to sign for my delivery of Acme Bat Wings. Don’t worry, I’m OK, being cartoon I heal quickly.

I think that it would be nice if you could state in your catalogs that there is no way to control the skates once they are ignited. Suggestions on directional control, speed and overall stability would be helpful should you decide to enclose an instruction manual. For safety reasons, those that will be purchasing this product in the future would also benefit from an installed on/off switch.


Wily E. Coyote

Super Genius


P.S. Is it true that Acme is owned and operated by roadrunners?

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