A short guide to identifying a couple

The definition of a couple is a difficult one, but the British Government is helpful enough to offer some guidance. This is not out of a desire to bring clarity to the lives of the general populace; rather it is about the prosaic world of Housing Benefit. The specifics are too boring to go into, but the question of whether two people living together are a couple is important to these people. This was a situation I ran into a number of years ago when I was living with a girl (and not having sex with her). The Council sent a man round to my house to investigate - a surreal experience. This questionnaire was recently extended to cover same-sex couples.

I present the abridged Department for Work and Pensions questionnaire to identify whether you're a couple ("a LTAHAW/CP situation"). Use it wisely.

• who owns the furniture?
• how is housework divided up?
• who is responsible for shopping?
• who prepares meals? Do you eat together?
• who does the laundry?
• do you watch television/videos/DVDs together?
• do you go to each other’s family celebrations?
• do you have shared interests or hobbies?

Oh dear. So far it's sounds like SharQ and I are a couple

Another question I was asked:

• do you receive joint wedding invitations?

Questions they're not allowed to ask, but if volunteered are "taken into consideration":

• do you share a bed?
• do you have sex?

Phew. That's ok then.