that's all you've been looking for all of this time
something to make you like them
all of their touching and laughing and loving and living
all of their inside jokes and meaningful glances and beautiful smiles

you've tried everything they tell you to:
prozac, paxil, zoloft
lovers, friends, family
ecstasy, acid, alcohol
reading, listening, learning
maoi's, ssri's, tricyclics
dreaming, loving, creating;
but it never works on you
more rules that only apply to other people

some of those things do get you close
some bring you so near the world you can taste it
you feel like you're part of a moment
that you share something with all of those other people
but that feeling always fades fast
(faster every time)
and leaves you back outside, looking in

you never stop trying though
you can't, really
you've gotta find whatever that key is
whatever idea or chemical or person you need
whatever will open up the door, and
show you what you're supposed to be thinking and feeling
show you what everybody's secret is
show you how to live a life as real as theirs

for your own sake, I hope you can

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