Bathrooms in New Orleans are egregious. Disgusting. Revolting. Repulsive. Every one of them. When you, the bar patron or small business patron have to take a whiz you would be much more comfortable doing so in an alley or against a building because not only would it be much more sanitary than entering one of New Orlean's famous bathrooms, but you would only be doing what all the other drunken hedonists that inhabit The Big Easy are doing. Hey, when in Rome...

Tips on New Orleans bathroom usage:

1. This is possibly the only city in America dedicated solely to hedonism, and in one afternoon you will see more strange occurances and feel more weird vibes than any other big city you have ever been in. So don't sweat the fact that you are extremely intoxicated and it is obvious. Just drink more so by the time you have to break the golden seal you won't even mind entering the dreaded bathrooms. It might even be an adventure.

2. Do not worry about washing your hands. The water is a brownish color anyways, that is if you can get the faucet to work. Besides, you will have to touch the door handle on the way out and that will just negate any of your attempts at hand sanitation.

3. Ignore the other inhabitants of the bathroom, insect or human. The former will be big and ugly and probably include the species we like to call "a motherfucking project roach" The latter will also be big and ugly and in full view of you taking a piss since the bathroom may not have a stall door and most certainly will not have one that closes properly. Also try to ignore the strange noises in the stall next to you, which may or may not include: coke-sniffing, explosive diarrhea, puking, unidentified aural punishment.

4. Always remember to take off your shoes before you enter your domicile and after visiting one of the notorious bathrooms. Reasons should be obvious.

5. Bring a big black marker to add to the graffitti art. You wouldn't want to pass up an opportunity to write vulgar things on a bathroom wall already covered with disgusting filth and disgusting filth written in marker now would you??

6. Tell all your friends where you ventured. They will secretly envy your bravery.

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