Crack cocaine... this drug conjures up images of high rollin' pushers and strung-out addicts. But how do you turn your love of crack into a career? Well, it's easier than you think! In the time it takes for you to catch the midtown bus and find your dealer, you could be learning the skills necessary to turn those rocks into profit. What follows is a list of seven guidelines that will help you on your path to being a Highly Effective Crackhead.

Habit One:
If you want to make it big, you always gotta be makin' moves.
An active crackhead is a successful crackhead. When you're not out hustlin' or scoring shit, your competition is out on the street slingin' rocks while you sit on your old mattress in an abandoned house with your lips around a crackpipe. Don't let your competition get the edge on you.

Habit Two:
Keep your hands off your "sellin' crack"
Always keep your street crack separate from your private crack collection. This is a must for any well-adjusted crack-centered lifestyle. Follow the old adage "don't get high on your own supply", and you shouldn't have any troubles. I know it's tempting to break a bit off that fresh new puck, but "just a bit" will almost always lead to a mission lasting upwards of three days. This behavior is counter-productive, and should be avoided.

Habit Three:
Don't ever let 'em know your next move.
Do you have a steady dealer, or a favorite place to unwind with a bag of rocks and last month's hustler after a long day? If that sounds like you, it might be time for some lifestyle changes. If the cops or your competition know when and where to find you, you might end up ass up with a flower in it, and your crack career will be over and done with.

Habit Four:
Know your buyer.
If you think you can get away with dropping bags into the window of any old Caddy, you're wrong. And it will cost you. The FBI and many well organized local law enforcement agencies will use vehicles that have been seized or impounded as part of their undercover operations, so it becomes difficult to tell who's a narc just by looking at their cars. Remember: better to go without food for a day than to go without crack for five to ten years.

Habit Five:
Keep your shit stashed.
You can't hit the streets with a stem and a brillo pad and hope to keep outta jail. At one point or another, everyone gets busted. It happens to the best in the business, and the only thing you can do to help yourself is to be sure you're clean when you're picked up. If you don't have anything on you, the worst that will happen is you'll get roughed up by the cops for a while, and you'll be back hittin' the pipe within the hour.

Habit Six:
Be a social crack enthusiast.
Networking is important in the crack world. If you see a steady buyer, extend to him (or her) the common courtesy of hooking up wherever you are and sharing a rock. This will create a bond of trust, and it ensures repeat business. If you're lucky, your customers will talk about how much of a pleasure it is to get high with you, and those references can mean big money.

Habit Seven:
Crack comes first.
If you're serious about dedicating your life to crack, be prepared to make some sacrifices. If you have to choose between a hot meal and crack cocaine, always go for the crack. Keep your crack intake high. This not only gives you the energy you need to make moves and sell rocks, but also allows you to keep track of product quality. If your daily crack regimen starts to slip, you'll find yourself lacking the energy or motivation to conduct business as usual, and you run the risk of dealing with an inferior product.

I guarantee that if you follow these seven simple guidelines, you will be well on your way to a happy, crack-oriented lifestyle in no time at all. Remember these skills, and you'll be dropping dimes well into your middle-age. Good luck, and stay cool.

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