Ah, sometimes I wish I could better recollect the crazy days of my misspent youth.

I remember very little about elementary school. For one thing, it was 20(ish) years ago, and for another I didn't much care for school. I wouldn't say I blocked it out or anything, but most of my formative years were more of a nuisance to me than anything to look back upon fondly with a tear in my eye.

But I digress.

One of the things that I do remember from early elementary school was my first calculator. I don't remember how or why I got it - my teachers would never let me use a calculator in math class, and my parents would have gone into apoplectic seizures at the very idea - but I laid my hands on it somehow. It was one of those fancy-shmancy new-fangled solar calculators.

Before it ever occurred to me that the little blocky LCD numbers might represent anything other than numerals, a boy named Jeff something-or-other filled me in on the story behind 55378008. At the time I thought it was the coolest thing ever and I still remember the story to this very day.

It's a short, pointless and weak story, but it is a story, and I'd like to share it with you now:

[Insert big busted female's name here] had a bra size of 69 (enter 69 on the calculator) and it was just too, too, too (enter 222) big. So the doctor gave her 51 (enter 51) pills to take 8 times (enter "x 8") a day, and she became:

At this point, you show your audience the result of 6,922,251 x 8 (which is, incidentally, 55,378,008). If you read this number up-side down on an LCD display it spells out 'BOOBLESS', which is hysterically funny to third grade boys world-wide.

I no longer think the story, nor its result, is the coolest thing ever, but the lesson I learned that day has stayed with me. That lesson is, "you can't beat a good story!"

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