Heaven is a place where nothing, nothing ever happens.

David Byrne

You don't need the Tibetan Book of the Dead for a sneak preview of the world to come. As a value-added Everything2 service, here's an added sampling of your destiny in the hereafter.

Based on the Fellow Noders list as of 3:38 EST

• dem bones will be reborn as a great leader, fighting for the liberation of hand-held devices.
• ModernAngel, in a tragic case of mistaken ethnic identity, will spend the rest of eternity partying with hearty Vikings.
• Saige believes that after death, the body should be re-formed as plastic toys for the enjoyment of children.
• knifegirl will be venerated as a saintly example to geek chicks everywhere.
• Deborah909 wishes to be encased in plexiglass, placed in the middle of a public square, and illuminated 24 hours a day.
• Segnbora-t, in the instant before death, will be frozen. In the 25th Century, will be revived to receive a tenured position in The Tick Comic Criticism at Oxford University.
• yossarian will be buried with an army of Star Wars figures and concubines for an eventual resurrection as Galactic Tyrant.
• Tem42's consciousness will be embedded in silicon, and through the miracle of Jini, will find that meaningful conversations with toasters, fridges and microwaves are not only possible but preferable.
• ailie will become a wrathful Sky God. (actually a middle-management Sky God, responsible for airline turbulence, but will excellent opportunities for advancement).
• Xamot will bio-degrade, but in a good way.
• thefez will be plunged into the 5th circle of hell (the realm of the wrathful and sullen), but through dilligent effort and a go-get-em attitude, will be promoted to Ring 2 - ("those who have betrayed reason to their (carnal) passions.")
• artfuldodger will be condemned to an eternity of Ally McBeal re-runs.
• rescdsk's body will be donated to Science.
• zot-fot-piq's body will be donated to Art.
• Spydr's body will be donated to Art's brother, Bill.
• arrowfall's body will be donated to a Shriners charity auction.
• Sylvar will blink and miss the Bright White Light.
• Electric Mollusk will reincarnate as Mark Hamill IV and continue the acting dynasty of his great-grandfather.
• Distractor will feel no pain.
• SmokeyBarnable will rise up and shake dem bones.
• ketaset, heavily influenced by Wings of Desire, will plummet from heaven to Earth, hoping to hang out in Berlin to chill with Peter Falk.
• Wyclef will live on in song and story.
• Psk will find out that the nihilists were right.
• amelinda, having performed several minor miracles involving take-out food and Pringles, will rise to Heaven and be beatified as the Patron Saint of High-Sodium Snacks.
• haggai, unaware of the power of homonyms, is reborn as a Tibetan llama.
• booyaa's DNA is patented by a genetic research firm, meaning that all of booya's decendants are the first victims of Original Sin Genetic Patent Infringement.
• elmochick returns to the Tao.