1. That sound in the attic? Just squirrels. Or maybe rats, which is scary, but it is hardly supernatural.
  2. Those bloodstains on the carpet that won't seem to fade no matter how much washing? I think the more likely answer involves giving glasses of cranberry juice to rambunctious children
  3. The rattling and moaning in the house? Well, that is natural with an older house, in an area where the temperature changes a lot over night. Just settling.
  4. The apparition our teenage daughter saw in the mirror, looking over her shoulder? We all know adolescence can be a very stressful time. Maybe you want to call a psychologist.
  5. Okay, all the dishes levitating at once...okay, someone is a real prankster. But lots of things can be done with wires. Talk to your kids about doing that type of stuff, especially when Aunt Mabel with the heart condition is over visiting.
  6. Look honey, we are good, mainline protestants, and I don't think the Episcopalian Priest even believes in exorcism. He has to do the rummage sale so that the youth group can take that tour to Montreal, anyway.
  7. Okay, okay. I have been reading...well, its like Hamlet said: "There are more things in Heaven and Earth"... it could be, um, a quantum probability thing resonating with the superstructure of the microtubules in our brain...
  8. Anyway, it could be poltergeist. You can't exorcise those. Only demons.
  9. That is it, we are selling the house. I don't care about explanations. I just want out.
  10. Honey, if we really, really try...we can move around the world, from place to place, so there is never more than a few hours of darkness that we have to live through. I have cashed in our savings, we are buying houses in Whitehorse and Tierra Del Fuego. Don't ask questions. Just put your things in the car. And bring out the torches.

Ten Years of Terror: The 2010 Halloween Horrorquest

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