disclaimer: I, The Everything Development Company, The letter "C", and all its subsidiaries are not responsible for any bites, scratches, maulings, or other injury resulting in the execution of this advice.

10 Ways to irritate, annoy, and anger your cat!!!

  • 1. Dunk it in a bathtub of ice cold water.
  • 2. Feed it old tangerines.
  • 3. Follow it around everywhere, and smile constantly.
  • 4. Flip it over, stick your face in its belly, and go "PHHHHTTTT!!!"
  • 5. Bait it with a newspaper or magazine you're pretending to read. When it is about to sit on top of it, suddenly pull it away. Laugh.
  • 6. Stare at it face to face, and make all the cat and "meow" noise variants you know, as if you are attempting to communicate in its "native language".
  • 7. Pet it, while muttering gibberish in a high, ethusiastic voice, such as "oooga looba isha! Ownt yuv a bitty gaddy!" (see also, "Piercisms Generator")
  • 8. Walk it around your neighborhood on a leash.
  • 9. Style its hair. Use lots of gel.
  • 10. Try and teach it to "sit". Be persistent, and don't give up.
  • Juggle while sitting on the floor in front of it. Move your arms around a lot.
  • Turn the electric can opener on and off whenever you pass through the kitchen.
  • Let the bathtub faucet drip slowly. Wait until it goes in the tub to investigate. Turn on the shower.
  • Cats love boxes. Give it one with a small opening, like an empty case of soda with a hole torn in it just big enough for your hand -- or the cat's head. Keep a camera handy.

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