Literary Karaoke

The Best of The Week

Dear moJoe:

What's my fucking problem?

-- Credulous in Cambridge

Dear C in C,

Due to your penchant for simpleminded, cyclopean vagueness I had to retain the services of my constant companion and trusty manservant, Mr. ToasterLeavings. I instructed Mr. ToasterLeavings to sit outside of your house and take pictures of your activities through the windows and then to break into and search your house after you left for work.

In short, I'd say among the more prominent problems are cheap locks, a curious lack of blinds or curtains and more notably; a rather bizarre new problem with a wide scope of outcomes that range from a very expensive blackmail arrangement to a very long stay in jail. I'm sure you understand what I am speaking of, doubtless I need not mention it here or you can pile a few extra problems onto this mess that you call life.

In short,

In a general sense, the word "birb" is a slang-ish internet word to signify a bird with some level of implied silliness or stupidity. Anyone whose ever seen parrots playing by hanging upside down or sticking their heads into a bell-toy, or who has seen floofy male pigeons trying desperately to attract a mate via sexy strut might understand what I mean.

"That's not a bird," the line of thinking goes. "That adorable creature is far too stupid and undignified to be a proper bird, like the…

"Gravity" (film)

A heckle.

Hanging on to the outskirts of popular culture has left many Very Famous Movies unseen by this one. Despite having come out short of two years prior, only recently did I find an opportunity to watch "Gravity", the visual spectacle from late '13. Unlike many, and for various reasons, I watched this film on a laptop screen, not in gigavision immersive cinema.

However, this rant is not a critique…