Defying definition since 1999

The Best of The Week

Well, I made it past my 39th birthday, which is both depressing and unexpected. I never expected to make it to middle age, but here I am. Hard to believe I was 25 when I created my account here. That's almost a third of my lifetime ago.

Middle age. Middle age. Gotta drill that into my brain. The stupid and sad part is that I've never really felt like an adult. Growing up, I was placed into learning-disabled classes because of my ADHD, even into high school. That doesn't really make one feel like they're growing or thriving. Now, on the cusp of my 40s, I still don't feel like an adult. I forget things; I'm somewhat disorganized; and, as ever, I have no self-esteem to speak of. I take all the problems of the people I know into myself. Guilt, shame and regret are probably my three most-used emotions. Guilt, shame and regret over what? Well, that depends.…

Approximately one year ago, I realized but did not fully comprehend what I meant at the time, nor the ongoing and everchanging behaviours, and more importantly how living with a spouse with Alzheimer's would affect not only him, myself, and our relationship, but our entire extended and blended family.

When I chose to write about our ups and downs, I did so with caution and my husband's knowledge, at the time. Although I still don't include every…

They wheel him into the operating room at a quarter past one. He is pushing fifty - grey streaks in his hair turn white every day.

"Relax", he hears her say, as if from a great distance. "This is a routine procedure."

Her voice is clinical - bored and apathetic. He wonders if she cares whether he lives or dies.

He wants very badly for someone to care, as she steps towards him, needle in hand. He would give them everything he has.

But all he has is a broken…