Here's the stuff we found when you searched for ""Before I kill you, Mister Bond, I am going to tell you my entire life story, because I believe you're the only man alive who would understand...""

• Half-sour pickle
• Tell me a story about a burro, standing atop a mesa, surrounded by a flock of geese, being fed by a weathered old man wearing nothing but a Jimmy hat
• Tell me a story about being really alive
• Shit, why am I the only one here who can perform the Heimlich maneuver?
• You're the only one who doesn't know
• Somewhere there is a syphilitic prostitute who is going to tell me about India
• God Made Man Because He Loves Stories
• I only leave the door open because I know that no one would dare to come in.
• We do what we do because of who we are. If we did otherwise, we would not be ourselves.
• The Man who Loved Only Numbers
• I only am escaped alone to tell thee: McVeigh, Denial, and the Death Penalty
• How to treat the dog you're going to kill
• The stories I could tell you, if you only were here to hear
• Victor Burczyki, a man who once bought me a beer and told me this story
• Who am I now that you're gone?
• If you're going to masturbate, would you at least close the fucking door?
• my whole life is passing me by and I sometimes wonder why I am even still alive
• Am I the only one who walks alone under moonlight without fear?
• Am I the only one who thinks Ken Watanabe and Jimmy Smits look an awful lot alike?
• People tell us who they are, but we ignore it, because we want them to be who we want them to be.
• Before I Kill You, Mr. Bond
• Who's going to believe a nine-year-old girl?
• Anyone who tells you there is only one correct way to write a novel is trying to sell you a book.
• The Story of the Envious Man and of Him Who Was Envied
• I Used to Know a Man Who Killed Me Once a Week
• There was a man who lived a life of fire
• The Man Who Would Be King
• Who Lives, Who Dies, Who Tells Your Story
• In the Fifties, a visitor from Great Britain to New York City notices a young Black woman driving a limousine. A portly middle-aged man, race undetermined, is in the back. Tell her story.
• We would probably not understand alien life
• I don't care. I like who I am because of it.
• because I am only half of what you need
• Go ahead. I am merely a secondary character in your life story.
• The Power Rangers who killed the gooey bad man
• Two Things I am Compelled to Support because of One Thing I Strongly Believe In
• I am going to make it through this year if it kills me
• they tell you to be your true self. to never give up on who you are. they don't know who i am.
• Collision avoidance technique
• Kill the Man Who Questions
• Death is the saddest thing in the world, because life is the most beautiful
• I am saving your nodes because I'll miss you so much
• I am going to die
• Liquor before beer, you're in the clear.
• Humans exist only because opposites exist
• I am Jack's wasted life
• i am a fragment of a man
• I am writing you at dawn, on a train headed west, a farewell letter to be mailed at the first transfer station, before I head off into parts unknown.
• My life closed twice before its close
• We love foxes because we killed the wolves
• Shower Kletic
• Fastest Man Alive
• because I am lazy and enjoy staring blankly into space (which is also the space where novels come from)
• Reasons why I am ecstatic to be alive right now
• Who am I? Who are you?
• Kill time before it kills you
• How much plant life is needed to keep a person alive in a sealed room?
• i hope i make it out, because i have a lot to tell you
• It’s not because of your unconventional ideas about sex. It’s because you’re fat.
• I know that all the cannabis activists would like you to believe differently but
• But I've said it before and I'll say it again: kneecaps only exist to get hit with claw-hammers; grace only exists to be fallen from.
• Epitaph of a Young Poet Who Died Before Having Achieved Success
• You're not alive until you have something to lose
• I am a man
• who am I? (user)
• when I am King, we will have no such things, but, my lads, if the old king my father were dead, we would be all kings.
• Fingers slide together and, I am so alive
• I am the red, the white, & the blue. No man cometh to freedom except through me.
• I am just going outside and may be some time.
• why am i me, and you're you?
• Don't kill your invisible husband to see what he looks like or you'll sob your heart out. But don't worry about the millions of invisible men coming to attack your village because they won't kill you if you don't know how to fight them.
• Only at Chuck E. Cheese's, in the small hours with a gun in my hand, do I feel truly alive
• Laugh now, because tomorrow I will be ten stories tall and I could just step on you if I want
• In order that I may know something more before I depart from life
• Where No Man Has Gone Before
• This is going to waste your time because its about Martin
• I feel the way bank robbers must feel before they go out on that last job that ends up getting them all killed. That is to say, optimistic.
• Life before death
• In his autumn before the winter comes man's last mad surge of youth
• Who were you, before?
• Anybody who gets married before the age of 25 scares me a little
• The Happiest Man Alive
• The Last Man Alive
• This is me. This is who I am. The numbers shouldn't matter.
• I am attracted to gay men, famous actors, and men who live in different time zones or are already taken. It's safer that way.
• I am the only being whose doom...
• I am superimposing on life, tipping scales like fate's hands
• I am going to try to figure out a way to get into your cunt castle
• Many girls want to be carnal with me because I am such a premium dancer.
• who am i (user)
• I am Edward Teller's pool man
• Who I Am
• I know you're up there. I am but a discontented symbol birthed from the blood of your terrible pen.
• Am I really here? Is this really my life?
• you're not alive until you have nothing left to lose
• I am alive and breath flows through my lungs and my heart still beats.
• No one gets out of this life alive
• Because that would make sense
• i am a seedling. i don't even understand how much i have yet to learn.
• The bastards hung me in the spring of '25, but I am still alive.
• Usually, if you've seen one bald man in a robe, you've seen 'em all, but most of them aren't burning alive from the inside out
• just because you've forgotten doesn't mean that you're forgiven
• Only Lovers Left Alive
• Because Up Yours, Deer Man!
• Because: Context is not important. Because: My life is one long series of contexts.
• The reason people go to war is because they don't understand the feelings of others.
• I would like to return this bread because I don't like it
• because death is just so full, and man so small
• To boldly go where no man has gone before
• Cool corn soup and spicy spinach before going away at the end of summer
• Things to consider before you bring a hamster into your life
• just because it burns doesn't mean you're gonna die
• We know we have fallen because we know who we are
• Sobering up before going to bed
• I knew before I met you just how we would end
• Ten things to ask yourself before going outside
• He had a life before he met you, you know
• View from the plane before man
• Always check for evidence of alien abduction before going to bed with someone
• remember who you were before you came here
• Waking up is nice for those first few moments before you remember who and what you are.
• a place which you can only see for a moment before waking
• He who has enough to eat does the hungry not believe
• What pornos would have us believe
• Let me fall until I believe, you're more than the leaves
• To Dream Where No Man Has Dreamed Before
• Things to consider before embarking on life in a virtual universe
• I say yes, because I believe in sailboats
• Forgive me for who I am when I wake up
• No One Knows Who I Am
• I guess that I am the one who has changed
• Religion doesn't allow me to be who I am
• I Am Slowly Going Crazy
• I am going to beat up Reel Big Fish
• I am going to rewrite you so that I can still like people.
• I need these blue and black halos for comfort, to remind me where I am, who I am, when I am
• I, even I, am he who knoweth the roads through the sky, and the wind thereof is my body
• Khaled Islambouli
• Where am I going, and what am I doing in this handbasket?
• Whose servant am I?
• I want you to know who I am beyond my name
• it doesn't matter who I was, all that matters is who I am
• because i am scared of pain
• This is the worst vacation ever! I am going to cut open your forehead with a roofing shingle!
• I am no longer the foolish young man I once was
• Who am us, anyway?
• I am a woman who does not like assholes
• I am at the crossroads in the Garden of Eden, and before me is the Tree of Knowledge.
• I am the wind dreaming that I am a man.
• Does my goldfish know who I am?
• Listen to me, because I am in the soapbox. This is the voice of the soapbox. I am calling to you. Do you hear the sounds of my soaply siren song? My syntactically sweet strumming along to sequential sequestrations of symmetrically snakey st
• I am going to demolish your skeleton
• Why I am going to pretend I am a girl online from now on
• as you get older, a lot falls away. but i am not here to tell you not to worry. i am here to give you tools.
• I know the world will hate me for who I am.
• i just want to know who i am
• The truth and who I am when I look at it
• The hole in the ground for bodily waste when camping
• huddling in the corner because you realize you're naked
• people got a lot of ideas about who i am
• i am an octopus in the shape of a man
• (because this was always subconsciously the inspiration, even if I did not know it at the time, and I only realised it just now)
• If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed.
• In caressing your follicles I am only vaguely reminded of the bitter harvest
• It's easier to kick a praying man, because he's on his knees already
• Maybe because we like to cry. Maybe because neither of us can believe.
• I can't tell you my username because I know you too well
• just because it was an accident doesn't mean it'll come back to life
• Just because a man is nice to pretty girls, it doesn't make him a nice man
• time lost in life because of waiting
• Foolish man. You cannot turn me into a phantom because you are frightened.

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