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Here's the stuff we found when you searched for ""Before I kill you, Mister Bond, I am going to tell you my entire life story, because I believe you're the only man alive who would understand...""

• The Man who Loved Only Numbers
• We would probably not understand alien life
• Victor Burczyki, a man who once bought me a beer and told me this story
• Collision avoidance technique
• How to treat the dog you're going to kill
• Go ahead. I am merely a secondary character in your life story.
• Tell me a story about a burro, standing atop a mesa, surrounded by a flock of geese, being fed by a weathered old man wearing nothing but a Jimmy hat
• We do what we do because of who we are. If we did otherwise, we would not be ourselves.
• People tell us who they are, but we ignore it, because we want them to be who we want them to be.
• There was a man who lived a life of fire
• Tell me a story about being really alive
• you're the only one who doesn't know
• Who am I now that you're gone?
• because I am only half of what you need
• Half-sour pickle
• The stories I could tell you, if you only were here to hear
• The Power Rangers who killed the gooey bad man
• Kill the Man Who Questions
• my whole life is passing me by and I sometimes wonder why I am even still alive
• I only am escaped alone to tell thee: McVeigh, Denial, and the Death Penalty
• I don't care. I like who I am because of it.
• Who's going to believe a nine-year-old girl?
• The Story of the Envious Man and of Him Who Was Envied
• Somewhere there is a syphilitic prostitute who is going to tell me about India
• Shit, why am I the only one here who can perform the Heimlich maneuver?
• Am I the only one who thinks Ken Watanabe and Jimmy Smits look an awful lot alike?
• God Made Man Because He Loves Stories
• Before I Kill You, Mr. Bond
• The Man Who Would Be King
• The Library Book
• Shall I tell you stories of other stars: stars that you love, that deserve your love. Stars that do not disappoint, and disgust, and disgrace your love. Oh, I have hope they exist for your sake!
• Without chemicals, life itself would be impossible
• I am superimposing on life, tipping scales like fate's hands
• I am no longer the foolish young man I once was
• I am a feminist because I support my family while my husband plays golf
• She tells stories as if she knows what the ending will be.
• Your eyes tell a whole other story
• I am saving your nodes because I'll miss you so much
• We only get one chance at life, sweetness, this is mine
• Because that would make sense
• Tell me a story about drains
• I say yes, because I believe in sailboats
• Life is what happens to you when you're busy making other plans
• People deserve good life time and personal loans or student loan will make it much better. Because people's freedom relies on money.
• To boldly go where no man has gone before
• The Man Who Came to Dinner
• You're the man now, dog!
• My life closed twice before its close
• Out would spill a life of secrets kept
• iTunes Life Story
• The story of your life
• I wanted to write a poem that you would understand
• Let me fall until I believe, you're more than the leaves
• The Man Who Counted
• If you don't know, I'm not going to tell you
• Screw UNIX, I'm just going to smoke pot and eat Cheetos for the rest of my life
• Sitting in the library, listening to the rain, reading an interesting book and wanting to meet the man who just walked past
• If you don't know where you're going, any path will take you there
• The man who refused to be King
• You're A Good Man, Charlie Brown
• The good guys and the bad guys were on the back of the boat and I swear I only turned my back for a MINUTE but when I came back, they'd killed Mozart.
• Not only does smoking kill you, it also prevents Alzheimer's disease
• Who Killed Cock-Robin?
• Nostalgia Can Only Kill You (document)
• Reasons why I am ecstatic to be alive right now
• Who killed the pork chops? What price bananas? Are you my angel?
• Fingers slide together and, I am so alive
• Who Killed Bobby Fuller?
• it would be hilarious if only
• I am the single person who comes over to do the laundry
• When I am an old man
• Religion doesn't allow me to be who I am
• How to listen to the stories that cats tell us
• I am the only being whose doom...
• Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark
• Laws Tell Stories
• Who am us, anyway?
• The Story of Augustus who not have any Soup
• The only thing that life is missing is the background music
• It's not the story you tell, it's the words you write
• My life story in fonts
• Tell me a story about clouds
• Love at first sight OR Girls who are Boys who bring thoughts of philosophy and anthropomorphic hermaphrodism: A Story
• huddling in the corner because you realize you're naked
• Just because you have a girlfriend doesn't mean you have a social life
• Death is the saddest thing in the world, because life is the most beautiful
• The Little Old Man's Strange Story
• It's not because of your unconventional ideas about sex. It's because you're fat.
• just because it was an accident doesn't mean it'll come back to life
• The Man who Loved Islands
• I can't tell you my username because I know you too well
• But if life were only moments, then you'd never know you had one
• How to tell if you're having a heart attack
• The Man Who Saw the Flood
• As we say in Bombay, such only is life.
• There is Nowhere Left to Go When You're The Handsomest Man in the World
• My life story
• who shall ever tell the sorrow of being on this earth, lying, on quilts, on the grass, in a summer evening, among the sounds of the night?
• Life's a beach (a fish story)
• The fact that you make no sense doesn't mean you're an artist
• To Dream Where No Man Has Dreamed Before
• Mister Chu believes
• He was the kind of man who shacked up for shelter
• Things that have never been said in the entire history of man
• Seriously, though, who the hell did I think I was going to become?
• You're going home in the back of an ambulance
• The dog who would not beg
• I'm going to kill you
• The Man who Mistook His Wife for a Hat
• My Life with the Thrill Kill Kult
• Who would win in a fight between Link and Cloud Strife?
• Old man who lived by the crick
• You're only half a bitch without the heels
• Some say he once killed a man with a guitar string
• How to Kill a Man With Two Fingers
• I am alive and breath flows through my lungs and my heart still beats.
• He never killed a man that did not need killing.
• two guys who have killed scores of imaginary people
• Pimp: The Story of My Life
• Am I demanding because I want to see you play Dance Dance Revolution and laugh at you?
• Who am I? Who are you?
• I am a man
• Where am I going, and what am I doing in this handbasket?
• Tell me a story
• because i am scared of pain
• Why is rape wrong only when a man commits it?
• she doesn't write, doesn't tell you stories, but somehow it's her words that spring to mind at those crucial, terrifying moments, and for that you are eternally grateful
• Don't kill your invisible husband to see what he looks like or you'll sob your heart out. But don't worry about the millions of invisible men coming to attack your village because they won't kill you if you don't know how to fight them.
• a man who had fallen among thieves
• Tell Me a Story; the Catbox Story Archive
• Maybe because we like to cry. Maybe because neither of us can believe.
• Because: Context is not important. Because: My life is one long series of contexts.
• We love foxes because we killed the wolves
• The Man who Died
• Blind Man Stories
• Things to consider before you bring a hamster into your life
• Liquor before beer, you're in the clear.
• Digital Life Story
• Charlotte, who, like a lot of low-maintenance women, cannot tell a lie, said, Yes.
• Life must be lived forward, but it can only be appreciated sideways
• The Man who Stayed to Tend the House
• She's waiting to tell you if you're ready to know.
• I feel the way bank robbers must feel before they go out on that last job that ends up getting them all killed. That is to say, optimistic.
• Leave it to a child to understand life
• I know that all the cannabis activists would like you to believe differently but
• I a man sad, with a linux box, a slow internet connection and friends who can not see the love in me bursting to get out.
• Meanwhile, the PILOT, who has been laughing hysterically through the entire sequence, finally loses it. He falls out of his chair and bangs his head against the panel, causing the ship to lose control and crash into a nearby planet
• you, who would stifle beautiful words not yet born
• If you're not going to worship me, get the fuck out of my bed
• Knowing you're going to die when you turn 30
• The Man Who Sold A Ghost
• If you're going to do something evil, do it on April Fools' Day
• The dog who would not move
• They say you're a man with true grit.
• Get dressed NOW or you're going in your underwear.
• You're voting this sucka down now, but I'm going to laugh
• Who would win in a knife fight between Webster 1913 and Vulgar Tongue 1811 on the moon?
• The Man Who Folded Himself
• Who Killed Euronymous?
• you can only make me dizzy if you're spinning me in leaves or snowflakes
• You're not alive until you have something to lose
• Only at Chuck E. Cheese's, in the small hours with a gun in my hand, do I feel truly alive
• No one gets out of this life alive
• If this Buddha is not killed he will only stand in your way.
• In caressing your follicles I am only vaguely reminded of the bitter harvest
• The guy at the end of Half-Life
• you tell me i live in a malady called imagination and i only can laugh
• That punker chick who saved my life
• I am but a moth before your flame
• Tell me a story about elephants
• Help me tell you a story about things and yourself, without pants
• I am Jack's wasted life
• The guy who may as well already be dead and therefore doesn't care about the consequences of his actions and is able to move with perfect freedom for the remainder of what will likely be a tragically short life
• To tell the truth I am never happier than when I am a kangaroo
• I am a woman who does not like assholes
• I am going to rewrite you so that I can still like people.

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