ushdfgakjasgh's New Writeups

January 4, 2010 (thing)

2010-01-04T23:18:31Z

reposted as daylog - DO NOT DELETE. I don't care what your reason is.

I wrote a ~~book~~ NOVEL! about the adventures of Jesus as he progresses through public school, prison and the fantastic world of modern science. It's named The Dictionary. I thought I'd post a writeup about it before somebody else tried to take credit for it, since I did release it into the public domain.

Admins: please don't delete this, regardless of how low the rep goes or how much you don't like me. This is basically the internet equivalent of mailing something to yourself to establish copyright over it. Except it's in the public domain.

An obligatory excerpt (actually, the entire fourth…

Narcissistic Personality Disorder (fiction)

2010-01-04T17:28:58Z

A made up disease. The kind of thing you come to expect from organizations like the American Psychiatric Association, who have free reign to publish lists of symptoms without identifying an associated pathology. The "disorder" is better described as a lack of experience and perspective. I'm going to go through the diagnostic criteria, posted in samvak's writeup, and explain why each of them is complete bullshit. Bear with me as I do so.

An all-pervasive pattern of grandiosity (in fantasy or behaviour), need for admiration or adulation and lack of empathy, usually beginning by early adulthood and present in various contexts. Five (or more) of the following criteria must be met:

(1) Feels grandiose and self-importance (e.g., exaggerates achievements and talents to the point of lying, demands to be recognized as superior without commensurate achievements)

…

Write A Poem That Isn't Shitty Quest 2010 (thing)

2009-12-31T22:43:35Z

A quest!

judges:
ushdfgakjasgh

eien_meru

raincomplex

Since people on E2 are so awful at writing poetry, I thought I would help spur them along. Anybody who submits a poem that a majority of a panel of 3 judges (of my choosing, listed above) decides isn't shitty will be guaranteed a C! from all three judges. Judges cannot submit their own work!

The quest starts now! It will end as soon as it becomes March 1st, 2010, server time. Get those creative juices cooking, you fucking morons! To submit a writeup,

message one of the judges,

and we'll confer amongst ourselves.

Each poem that's submitted will be accompanied by a review conducted by each judge, below the penguin. Poems can be unsubmitted if your feelings are deeply hurt by the reviews, but this is strongly frowned upon - be strong! Each poem that's accepted for the quest will get a chunk of the following penguin that links to it:

…

I will fuck sophanda on the bus to school (poetry)

2009-12-31T20:37:19Z

shit she says everyone Is
watching, we cracked open the
windows and Went at it, sophanda
squirms on the cold leather
seats in the back, head banging
against the aluminum on the
sides, the bus driver
joins in and we drive off
a cliff, what a shithole
it is here, fuck this
Appalachia bullshit; sophanda
is swollen and cumming and the
fire escape is burning, what
heaven in her
arms

We all float down here (poetry)

2009-12-31T18:26:12Z

aren't you coming I held
down my hand to
Welcome and there you were wall
paper roses, Latticework over
the sky and the verand
a, i had Looking into
you a Sense the ground
water was spouting
compact mirages and somewhere
up below the current we slept
peacefully for the first
time; Miranda I see coming
paisley architects and bruising
clouds, look at the
crimson sky, pierced and we will now
be truthful with each
other, laughing and weeping so then
tomorrow and death will never
come

The last Postal Service worker cleans out his desk (idea)

2009-12-28T19:50:41Z

"It's a whole new world now, Gabriel," said the Inspector. "Just no need for violence anymore."

Gabriel pulls the name tag from the breast of his shirt and folds it into his pocket. Through the window he watches the sun, starting to melt the snow.