junkpile's New Writeupshttp://everything2.com/?node=New%20Writeups%20Atom%20Feed&foruser=junkpile2003-01-15T06:05:40ZHow did I get here, Sarah? (place)http://everything2.com/user/junkpile/writeups/How+did+I+get+here%252C+Sarah%253Fjunkpilehttp://everything2.com/user/junkpile2003-01-15T06:05:40Z2003-01-15T06:05:40Z<br><br><br><dd>I used to share a house with three of the biggest geeks you ever saw. They were computer programmers. I had my own excuses.
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The four of us had discovered just how viciously we valued our privacy by sharing a two-bedroom squat. I do not recommend sharing a space that small with anyone you're not deeply in love with, or who isn't a very small tank of fish. Mike used to try to cheer us up by riding around the apartment on his <a href="/title/riding+a+unicycle+backwards">unicycle</a> in his underpants, which was funny for a while, especially when he was cooking, but then he'd bump into a stack of somebody's stuff (stacks were our primary storage technique: clothing, books, discs) and knock crap all over the place and we'd all swear and get pissed off and wish we had rooms to storm off to and doors to slam, but we didn't, so we spent a lot of time at <a href="/title/waffle+house">waffle house</a> instead. We usually went there together, which I realize is funny. They're good guys.
<br><br><dd>When Jackson's boss…In the real world, it is almost always women and not men who are waiting under windows (person)http://everything2.com/user/junkpile/writeups/In+the+real+world%252C+it+is+almost+always+women+and+not+men+who+are+waiting+under+windowsjunkpilehttp://everything2.com/user/junkpile2003-01-13T08:30:35Z2003-01-13T08:30:35Z
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We're all at the bar again for the third time this week, because Betsy isn't done celebrating her birthday yet. It's a good thing I'm not Betsy because I would never get done celebrating being gorgeous. I'd be <a href="/title/insufferable">insufferable</a>. Betsy has messy auburn hair and naturally smoky-lidded eyes and has been known to stretch out on a couch with her feet in my lap and say, <a href="/title/Let%2527s+live+like+this+every+day+from+now+on%252C+Let%2527s+be+reborn.">Let's live like this every day from now on, Let's be reborn.</a> Any time Betsy wants me to show up and raise a glass, I will.
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It's a good bar. Roomy, with massive wooden tables, a stone floor and a <a href="/title/fireplace">fireplace</a>, it would feel a little like a drafty castle's royal hall if it weren't for the Budweiser nonsense all over the place and the enormous tv screen covering one wall. It's busy but not too loud. Our waitress knows us and always gets a little creatively minimalistic with our tab. I like everybody sitting at this table. It's a good night. Sometimes it's…Perpetual reminder to myself: good sex is possible (place)http://everything2.com/user/junkpile/writeups/Perpetual+reminder+to+myself%253A+good+sex+is+possiblejunkpilehttp://everything2.com/user/junkpile2002-08-20T07:09:50Z2002-08-20T07:09:50Z<br><br>
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do not be afraid. you've been swimming before. <br>
your body knows what to do. <br>
relax. float.<br>
<a href="/title/your+body+knows.">your body knows</a> the motions that will keep you safe.
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this place is vast. but it is not too much. you won't drown.
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<br><a href="/title/you%2527ve+just+been+born.+how+do+you+feel%253F">you've just been born. how do you feel?</a><br>
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<dd> dizzy. free of pain.<br><br>
<dd> buoyant all around. naked. clean.<br><br>
<dd> <a href="/title/awake">awake</a>. <a href="/title/healthy">healthy</a>. <a href="/title/honest">honest</a>. beautiful from any angle. so clean.
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you can think about <a href="/title/your+body+as+a+whole+joy">your body as a whole joy</a>. or, you can think about <a href="/title/the+warmth+of+water">the warmth of water</a>. it's the same thing.
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you can let it happen. you can even close your eyes.
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How I fell in love with Alice (person)http://everything2.com/user/junkpile/writeups/How+I+fell+in+love+with+Alicejunkpilehttp://everything2.com/user/junkpile2002-07-30T06:44:11Z2002-07-30T06:44:11Z<br><dd>
Here we are in a <a href="/title/grocery+store">grocery store</a>, this is the beginning.
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In line waiting to pay for my hippie chow, I drop my wallet. The guy in front of me picks it up: this is his excuse to <a href="/title/flirt">flirt</a> with me, which is fine. He’s chatty without being weird. He’s <a href="/title/handsome">handsome</a>. He’s buying fruit.
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We talk about the fruit. He has picked out good <a href="/title/apple">apple</a>s. Automatically I slide into my standard safe little daydream, the way I do with any stranger who holds still in my line of vision. Habit. I am idly memorizing the excellent rectangle of his sideburn (this may come in handy) when I get shoved, hard. <a href="/title/I+turn+around+and+there+she+is.">I turn around and there she is.</a>
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She says <a href="/title/Sorry">Sorry</a> without looking at me, and heaves the biggest dead turkey I’ve ever seen onto the conveyor belt. It is not even close to November.
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Her back pockets are crammed with what must be forty packets of Kool-Aid she is stealing. They’re poking out all over the place and a pink lemonade is about to fall. I say so, and…After searching for my mother's name for twenty years, I realized I also did not know my father's (person)http://everything2.com/user/junkpile/writeups/After+searching+for+my+mother%2527s+name+for+twenty+years%252C+I+realized+I+also+did+not+know+my+father%2527sjunkpilehttp://everything2.com/user/junkpile2002-05-28T08:19:43Z2002-05-28T08:19:43Z<br><dd>
This year, when my father tries to get me up at dawn, there is just no damn way. He sends the poodle in to soul-kiss my ear, but I shove her off the couch, yipeing. Fuck this, I agreed to this plan yesterday but now I'm in no mood. I snap at my father and make him go away. By the time I drag into the kitchen he is on the sports section, which he only reads in emergencies of extreme boredom. I say <a href="/title/My+fault">My fault</a> and <a href="/title/Sorry">Sorry</a>, but I don't mean it. It's such a quick slide back into being sullen and crabby. Back to being seventeen.
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We don't talk in the car. I stay quiet on purpose, so things will blow over quickly. This method of handling conflict is not nutritional but it is efficient. It's not a long drive but we're good at this ellipsis. Ten minutes later we are walking through a field and it's too pretty out to be pissed off; we forget. It's a low sky, wide, overcast in a dramatic pale gray way, with a quick breeze that scatters the clouds and wakes me up. The trees bordering the…Around nine PM my heart was breaking so I went to bed early to listen to it happen. (thing)http://everything2.com/user/junkpile/writeups/Around+nine+PM+my+heart+was+breaking+so+I+went+to+bed+early+to+listen+to+it+happen.junkpilehttp://everything2.com/user/junkpile2001-12-15T06:29:09Z2001-12-15T06:29:09Z<br><br><br><dd>
I had this really great talk with <a href="/title/Abbie.+She%2527s+eight.">Abbie. She's eight.</a> She was miserable that day. We sat on the concrete steps at the back of the building. It was <a href="/title/cold">cold</a> out; frozen asses; we sunk down inside our coats and huddled against each other. I shooed everyone else away.<p><dd>
We talked about when there are lots of people around and <a href="/title/you+should+be+having+fun+but">you should be having fun but</a> instead you're miserable, the loneliest you ever get, in a crowd. And the opposite, when everything that happens is crap and you should be angry or pissed but somehow it's ok and you are able to brush it off and laugh. <p><dd>
Abbie. Listen. You know how grownups are always telling you <a href="/title/I+Know+More+Than+You+Do+So+Here+Is+A+Life+Lesson">I Know More Than You Do So Here Is A Life Lesson</a>? (yeah. she knew.) And you ignore it? (yep.) Well, good. They're usually after something. Abbie, you know you can <a href="/title/trust+me">trust me</a>, right? And you know I'm not just telling you this so you'll behave or shut up. There are some things I have figured out, and they<!-- close unclosed tag --></p><!-- close unclosed tag --></p>…