deep thought's New Writeups

a small red light in a dark car (idea)

2001-10-10T21:09:03Z

In the first year after college I was so poor I existed on macaroni and cheese (made without milk) generic soda and happy hour food. At one point my car died (the starter) and I didn't have enough cash to fix it. So for three months I was without wheels. I was lucky I had Sheryl to drive me to work and I took the bus home. Sheryl, who loved me enough to spend weekends with me, but didn't love me enough to share an apartment.

We both need the space and I'm the only one who knows that.

Sheryl came over early every morning, usually before 6, waiting for me to race out of the house with coat half on and a plastic Washington Capitals cup full of cheap instant coffee. One cold February morning it was about 12 degrees and her windshield was still half frozen-wipers scraping against the patchy ice. As I slid in next to her I saw her holding a little red light between cupped hands. A small red light in the dark frigid air. It was the car's cigarette lighter.

"You ok? I mean,…

I'll become what you became to me (idea)

2001-10-09T04:31:35Z

I will be green wax paper, wrapped around roses
I will be music played/overplayed, repeated deeply into the night
I will be soft light from the next room and long shadows across the floor

then-
I will be notes stuck on the table
& bus stops not met
& phone messages that are silences, not voices
& a stack of clothes left outside the door
with a key

I'll see how it feels

short hair, long memory (idea)

2001-10-06T21:01:22Z

Been sniffing any yellow markers lately?

I couldn't believe I was hearing this voice. It had been, what? four years? But, yep, there she was. The girl from the campus bookstore, short brown hair and those sharp green eyes. Standing in line behind me in the Pizza joint on the edge of downtown. She was smiling, satisfied with herself for recognizing me before I saw her.

Whatcha doin' with yourself? I haven't seen you around for awhile?

She had this way of bobbing side to side as she talked- foot to foot-that reminded me of a metronome. She had gained maybe five pounds, but it favored her. I always thought she was too thin. The early fall sun had burned her cheeks and they were apple red. Fetching, as ever.

"Well, I left town for awhile, now I'm back on the other side of the lectern, I'm a grad assistant in English."

She raised a soft eyebrow and grinned, then looked down at her nails (unpainted and chipped). When she looked up again I could…

Chasing after the morning (idea)

2001-10-05T20:09:18Z

Wearing just a towel
Dashing for the phone

ringing wet

Chasing after the train
Trying not to run

her stockings

5 meetings,
10 voicemails
2 emails

no massages in sight

half asleep on the way home
neglected book in her lap

she'll be wide awake later
and taking her time

her own sweet time

You can't stop thinking of her: this is how you explained it, a proof of your being in love. (idea)

2001-10-05T04:24:42Z

I'm holding on, waiting for your call
it's simple, but I can't explain this ...
Another perfect day-American Hi-Fi

When I tried to talk about Terri to people who did not know her, it never went well. I would talk about her laughter and how her smile lit up a room. I talked about the joy she found in everyday things -giggling with delight at a Ranger Rick lunch box she found at a Salvation army store-that kind of thing. I would show them pictures of the two of us on road trips-two half awake people at rest stops and Arby's and cheap hotels. "You look happy," is all they would say.

I wanted them to see more than that. I wanted them to see how we fit together and how our time together was so incredible that I can remember every little detail. Every day, every meal, every grocery store trip (Look, Magic shell!! Have you ever poured that over ice cubes and licked them off??).

I have photos and stories and small souvenirs. But I have no…

Iowa sunrise, October 2001 (thing)

2001-10-04T03:49:09Z

There are no mountains. No cities of any stature. No ocean and no thick forests. There are few people.

Here is what there is, 5:48 a.m. October 2, 2001:

A long flat horizon facing west/northwest,
An equally distant horizon facing the coming dawn-east/southeast
On the edge of the dark western sky the chrome bright Harvest moon is setting, just above the barns, silos and electrical lines-sharp enough to light up every fence post and every schoolbus on the two lane road that winds its way from town. Bright enough to create shadows in the backyard and make car lights unnecessary.

On the eastern sky-long lines of rose/blue/peach and dark blue layered on each other. There is no sunrise, yet. But the moon is so bright it's as if the sun is not needed yet, resting off stage. Then, on cue, as the moon finally retreats the sun arises-hot orange against a crystal blue sky. Small white trails of jet exhaust make tic tac toe boxes across the highest part of…