clone19's New Writeups

January 7, 2010 (log)

2010-01-07T05:22:18Z

Quite a day, today. It's hard to describe the way I feel.

Have you ever suddenly come to an understanding with a person? A sense of peace washes over you, and it can drive you to do crazy things.

Like propose.

A new chapter in my life begins today. The old me, the weak, pleasure-driven, self-oriented hollow shell of a man is gone. Through this commitment, I feel brand new.

Now to find a ring - princess cut on white gold....

Maybe I should let my sister pick it out for me.

Blue balls (poetry)

2010-01-03T17:56:06Z

Would you like to help me out?
Or must I take the easy route
and masturbate all by myself?

I am blue and it is bad
despite the night that I just had
I'm oh-so-swollen in the 'nads

Make me better, I'm in hell
We have cold drinks and drugs as well
Just come over, no one will tell

Now is not the time to be
a prude or even just lazy
Hop in your car, then hop on me

We'll have a blast, that's a bet
A night that you won't soon forget
Let's live our lives with no regrets

An unfinished kiss leaves a taste that is hard to get rid of (fiction)

2009-11-29T03:47:41Z

Una mirada
Ojos que matan
De rodillas en tentacion

I was shrooming when I met her. Shrooming really hard. With crazy thoughts racing through my mind, it was hard to focus on anything. I was in her head though - analyzing and understanding her every thought, every glance, every carefully chosen word. Pondering her intentions, sifting through the layers of verbal bullshit to understand who she wanted me to see. Her eyes grazed my face, pausing momentarily on my own. I knew what she was going to say before she said it: "Can I play with your eyelashes?"

Warm smile – long blond hair
Pretty green eyes and skin damned fair
For sure lucky to get with a girl like that
Couldn't pass this chance no matter what...

She's drunk on a Monday night, and I'm trying to score.
"I don't give a fuck…

November 2, 2009 (personal)

2009-11-02T05:09:22Z

I want to fight someone today.

Why?

Because I can't fight the people I care about. I can't hurt someone I've called my best friend, as much as I may want to. I can't grab her by the collar and tell her to stop fucking up her life. I can't show her how angry she makes me and how much I hate her, because I love her and I need to be here for her or I will lose her forever. I can't tackle her father and start wailing on his face for being the drunken asshole he is. I can't stop her from taking that one Roxy because she "can't sleep." I can't pick her up, shake her around and yell, "WHY DO YOU THINK YOU CAN'T SLEEP?!" I can't do that because she is the product of her environment and until that changes she will never change. I can only stand here on the sidelines and watch her struggle.

Sometime…

October 24, 2009 (personal)

2009-10-24T06:35:20Z

Four months ago I would have expected tonight to be wild. I would have expected to be drunk as fuck at some random club in Miami with a drink in one hand and a whore-ishly delicious girl in the other. I wonder what has changed in the last few months.

My friends have changed. I used to hang out with a bunch of drug dealers and alcoholics that were really only looking out for themselves. I didn't really care too much for them. These days I consider my friends to be family. Though many of them are still involved in drugs and alcohol, life isn't solely about getting fucked up anymore. The girls I used to hang out with last year were strictly whores. Though they didn't directly take money in exchange for sex, it pretty much boiled down to that in the end. Today I'm happy to say there are only 4 or 5 girls that I associate with, and I would be willing to take a bullet for any one of them.

My focus has shifted. As opposed to being a minimalist, I actually want to do well in school. I want…

October 21, 2009 (event)

2009-10-21T01:04:26Z

Walking into my house at 8:30 PM, I am overcome with emotion. Seeing the chair where, just hours earlier, I was reborn as a human, rising from amidst the smoke and empty bags of fast-food, victorious.

Experiencing Psylocibin mushrooms is like taking your entire life and throwing it against a wall to see what sticks. Lost in a head trip, the idea of sobriety itself loses meaning. Dazed, confused and seeing crazy shapes, all reason is abandoned. You don't know what to do. Should I sit here? Should I move? Should I talk to someone? What should I say?

Your rationale becomes your only hope of escape from the trip. Think, you say to yourself, think before you do anything. Building your values and principles back up from nothing, the things that are really important in your life become apparent; the rest fades to black. You reassess everything.

"I exist," I whisper to myself, "I don't know much, but I know I exist." Feeling the "lub-dub" pulsations in your…