Lord Brawl's New Writeups

August 22, 2009 (log)

2009-08-22T04:19:34Z

The Royal Canadian Geographic Society today announced that Canada's smallest province, Prince Edward Island, has been reclassified as a "provincoid".

"It never really made sense that such a small place was treated like a real province, like Alberta or the Nation of Quebec." said Chief Classifier Mildred "Muddy" Waters. "The population at 136,000 people is less than 3% of the city of Toronto. The city of Vancouver has twice as many Members of Parliament." In fact, Vancouver has 8 MPs versus 4 MPs from PEI, for those keeping score at home.

Waters said that the recent decision to reclassify Pluto as a dwarf planet instead of a full planet showed the way. "Clearly size really does matter, cosmologically speaking" she said. "Now we have 9 provinces and three territories, it's numerically pleasing." She adds that the term "provincoid" was chosen over the alternative designation "dwarf province" due to…

August 21, 2009 (log)

2009-08-22T03:54:35Z

Today, disgruntled Ottawa Senators right winger Dany Heatley held a 10 minute press teleconference to address his request to be traded away from the Ottawa Senators, and his subsequent refusal to accept the Edmonton Oilers as an acceptable destination. During the call Heatley stuck to his core messages while giving the inkstained wretches very little to chew on. He expressed no animosity toward either city or the fans in those locations, suggesting instead that his major complaint is that his "role was diminished" in Ottawa without elaborating on what that might mean.

Fans are left to imagine what might really be going on in Heater's mind, and what we might have heard had Dany quaffed a couple of wobbly pops beforehand, found a few extra minutes to speak....

Q: Dany, what makes you feel entitled to preferential treatment by coach Clouston?

Heatley: Entitled? Talent! I'm the superstar, and who is he? Coach Clueless. Some guy…

Yellow Fish Road (idea)

2008-09-05T18:30:26Z

What is 'Yellow Fish Road'?

The main highway of the magical Land of Ooze?
An undersea passage in the Atlantic Ocean once used by Soviet submarines?
A spectacularly unsuccessful flavour of Ben & Jerry's ice cream?

Nope. It's an 'educational initiative' sponsored by Trout Unlimited Canada, to evangelize the safe disposal of waste water, preventing pollutants from entering storm drains in order to protect water quality in lakes, rivers, and other aquatic habitats.

The problem is that most municipal storm drains carry their contents directly to the local water body, without passing through the sewage treatment facilities that household waste water does. Many people do not realize that storm sewers are a separate system from the household sewage system. That means that untreated motor vehicle oil, road salt, lawn fertilizer, soaps from car washing, and other pollutants regularly enter the ecosystem.…

August 28, 2008 (log)

2008-08-28T02:36:47Z

A few days ago I was walking home. I met a young couple on the street. The man didn't get much of my attention -- not an obvious threat, therefore effectively a traffic cone. The woman was a brunette in a nice blue dress that somehow rang a bell in my mind.

I knew I'd seen one like it before, in the media, but I couldn't place it, or recall who had worn it. I cudgeled my brain for a minute or so, but couldn't place it. I puzzled and puzzed 'til my puzzler was sore but no luck. And then I thought "What would e2 do?".

So I imagined a writeup called "little blue dress" and I thought to myself "What are the soft links?" And myself said "intern" Aha! Mentally following intern takes us to a new imaginary writeup. And "What are the soft links there?" Bill Clinton and Monica Lewinsky. Eureka! (And then an unfortunate mental image of Bill Clinton running naked down the street, a cigar in his teeth.…

Caesar's last breath (poetry)

2008-07-19T12:31:44Z

I wasn't too old when I first was told
the tale of Caesar's breath,
how wide dispersed was that painful burst
he emitted on his death.

How those molecules flock in random schools
diluting through the air
in a gaseous stew full of cee-oh-two,
that we breathe in, unaware.

In every breath we take, though it makes me quake
may come at least one molecule
of what Caesar gasped as he bled his last
at the feet of Brutus cruel.

With how little care we do share the air
drawing breath across our tongues
inhaling history all unknowingly
every time we refill our lungs.

For my late uncle, a lifelong Robert Service aficionado.

Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog (review)

2008-07-19T02:00:10Z

A project of the multi-talented Joss Whedon, Dr. Horrible stars Neil Patrick Harris as the title character, whose evil ambitions and nascent romantic liaison are both jeopardized by his egomaniacal arch-nemesis, Captain Hammer (Nathan Fillion). Felicia Day completes the primary cast as Penny, the target of Dr. Horrible's stumbling affections.

In the musical tradition of the classic Buffy the Vampire Slayer episode Once More, With Feeling, Dr. Horrible effortlessly combines its music, comedy, and drama for a compelling set of three 13-to-15 minute episodes. Originally made free on the internet at drhorrible.com (external link) on July 15th, 17th, and 19th 2008, the show is currently an iTunes exclusive for the low, low price of $5.97 USD. According to the 'master plan'¹ it will later be available on DVD as well.

The spark for Joss Whedon's effort seems to have been the writer's…