K9's New Writeups

fizzy euro-piddle (thing)

2007-09-20T12:00:05Z

Any alleged beer produced under license in the UK or elsewhere which contains more carbon dioxide than alcohol and is marketed at chavs and lager louts. Although to be fair, the marketing mainly aims for the chavs since the Lager Louts tend to prefer the Wifebeater variants, such as Stella Artois or Kronenbourg 1664.

Heineken is a fine example of a pointless fizzy euro-piddle and exits the body in almost identical form to the way it enters save only that the gas is filtered out by alternate means. Hofmeister used to also fill this role but has oddly disappeared. Becks is close but just about manages to escape by virtue of being mainly sold bottled and thus again slips over the threshold into Wifebeater territory by providing a weapon. Grolsch just about qualifies despite a higher than normal alcohol content. Most Carlsberg easily qualifies.

Fizzy euro-piddle does have counterparts from other areas - the UK's own Harp and Carling Black Label…

Chelsea Tractor (thing)

2007-09-04T12:20:52Z

Any non-practical 4x4 vehicle. The etymology is of course the sarcastic suggestion that this "tractor" is for a farmer in the London borough of Kensington and Chelsea, and is unlikely to get mud on it unless deliberately applied with a brush.*

The classic Chelsea Tractor is the Range Rover. It's enormous, hideously expensive, drinks tremendous amounts of fuel and is very rarely used by anyone involved in agriculture or rural pursuits because of these attributes. For this reason, it has become the prototype for an entire class of 4x4 vehicles driven exclusively by stupid rich people who live in cities.

Spiritual descendants which also fit the Chelsea Tractor mode include the Toyota RAV4, the BMW X5 (a car which is actually utterly useless off-road and gets mud into its air intake), the Land Rover Discovery and its little sister the the Freelander, the Mitsubishi Shogun, the Isuzu Trooper, that great big Lexus RX, the VW Touareg, the GM Frontera…

school run (thing)

2007-09-04T11:59:32Z

A bizarre morning ritual in which many women apply massive amounts of makeup and try to dress in the latest "smart but sexy" fashion, load their two tiny children into the back of a vast people carrier or Chelsea Tractor and drive them the 1.5 miles to school.

Once outside the school they double-park, unload the squalling sprogs and walk them to the school gates where they can ostentatiously bid their appalling offspring an apparently fond farewell while at the same time comparing and contrasting themselves and their makeup and attire against those of all the other women doing exactly the same. A few false compliments and veiled verbal knifings are delivered this point and in some cases, the women will split into small gaggles in order to better gossip and belittle the non-members of their particular pack.

The school run is a relatively new phenomenon and has risen in importance along with the growth of ostentatious prosperity (see also chav, WAGs,…

September 4, 2007 (log)

2007-09-04T09:04:59Z

I have decided to write the world's least interesting daylog.

I almost forgot my packed lunch this morning and as it was, forgot my shades and barely went back for them from the car. They were necessary.

The school run is back. Summer roadworks are still in place. It took me 25 minutes to get out of Swindon.

An accident between Hungerford and Newbury had blocked the M4 solid, starting from Membury services. Actually getting to Newbury took from 7:55am to 8:40am. I did not get to work until 9:25am, having broken many laws of the road at least twice in order to manage even that.

At least it's sunny.

Why I Hate Being Alive (person)

2007-09-03T15:27:23Z

I remember being an angry young man before I was just a grumpy old dog. I remembering hating the universe and writing empassioned rants and cruel, sly trolling writeups, I remember mocking those who tried to spread trite fluffy niceness and nurturing my own bitterness.

I remember thinking that I was better than everybody else because I could see how meaningless it all was, how there was no love, no hope, no better tomorrow.

Tempus fugit and tempi mutandur. There is love out there that isn't just a delusion. There is contentment and happiness that makes everything worthwhile. There is duty, and honour and respect.

Michael Moorcock is fond of writing that the multiverse and the mind of man are both infinite, yet each contains the other.

Stop hating yourself. It's too much like hard work.

May 5, 2007 (person)

2007-05-05T08:07:26Z

It's all about Clarity of Purpose

What's Google for? It's for searching.

What's BBC News for? It's for news.

What's wikipedia for? It's for ~~assholes to pursue personal agendas~~ quick reference to information...

What's e2 for?

Tough one. We can't just shrug it off with "community" because if that were the case, we'd be better off with some forums and a livechat app.

In any case, in dealing with the Front Page, we need to forget what the logged in (probably via cookie, never sees the casual browser blurb...) user sees completely. Go back in time. Be a newb. Why did you come here?

e2's major advantage is softlinking, as explained before. Building on this, we can say what e2's mission actually is.

It is to provide searchable content which links via human interest rather than relevance. Softlinks can (or maybe should) provide a breadcrumb trail through the…