Jumbif's New Writeups

Picking which urinal to use (personal)

2012-09-28T02:38:25Z

Today, at the public library, I did something terrible.

50 fluid ounces of Coke can do something to a man, and even more to a 13-year-old semi-adolescent such as myself. Not wishing to do the "potty dance" (if you will) all the way home, I dropped by the men's room in the lobby before leaving.

Now, in this bathroom, there are 2 urinals and 2 stalls. Perhaps the city could have spent less money on fancy carpets and more on proper facilities. Anyway, making the situation even worse, one of these 2 urinals is a "kiddy" urinal. Thoughtlessly, I took the good one. Of course, as soon as I choose, a grown man walks in.

I forced this man, who must have been at least 8 inches taller and 40 years older than me, into the child's urinal! I have committed the ultimate crime!

From now on, I shall respect my elders. Sir, if you are a member of Everything, I give you my humble apologies - I was the kid with the striped shirt and the backpack.

hot dog (thing)

2012-09-10T16:46:11Z

The Gas Station/7-Eleven Hot Dog

Also known as the "24-hour dog", this cylindrical meat byproduct resembling a hot dog has been put under much scrutiny over the years (nowadays, however, 7-11 officially uses Oscar Meyer so that might alleviate some fears). Recently, I decided to buy one of these out of sheer boredom - a simple, $1.39 Big Bite from my friendly neighborhood 7-11 (coupled, of course, with a Vanilla/Coke Slurpee - no, not Vanilla Coke, 2 different flavors). With a little bit of fear, I slathered some onions, mustard, and chili sauce on my "Fresh-off-the-Grill" sausage.

Settling in a nearby parking lot, I took a bite out of my beautifully greasy meat stick.
It was absolutely disgusting.
But damn tasty.

The dog itself provided little to no resistance when you bit into it, the bun was stale, and the onions may or may not have actually been onions. But it was strangely satisfying. Perhaps it's the rejection of everything my body tells me to…