Dimview's New Writeupshttp://everything2.com/?node=New%20Writeups%20Atom%20Feed&foruser=Dimview2011-07-22T22:22:26ZJuly 23, 2011 (personal)http://everything2.com/user/Dimview/writeups/July+23%252C+2011Dimviewhttp://everything2.com/user/Dimview2011-07-22T22:22:26Z2011-07-22T22:22:26ZAnd here is the last daylog about <a href="/title/November+9%252C+2008">my mom</a>. It's not interesting at all as such; it is just something that is... <a href="/title/Don%2527t+node+drunk">for me</a>. My mom passed away on July 7th, 2011, after catching the <a href="/title/influenza">flu</a>, it seems. And so it goes.
<p>
I seem to acknowledge grief on an intellectual level. Not quite sure what to do with it I start to analyze it. And I start to think. Well... duh!</p>
<p>
My mom was an ordinary woman. As a mom she did <a href="/title/April+17%252C+2006">her best</a>, I'm sure of it. She was probably not a spectacularly <em>good</em> mom, but she was the best she knew how to. Like most of us, who trundle along through life doing what we do. I wasn't a very <em>good</em> daughter, but, again, I was the best <a href="/title/December+23%252C+2006">I knew how to be</a>.</p>
<p>
Which is what scares me now.</p>
<p>
You see: I have two lovely children. And now I wonder: <strong>What have I brought them up to be?</strong> I'll know, I guess, some time in the future.</p>
<p><br>
Since my mom passed away I<!-- close unclosed tag --></p>…October 22, 2010 (idea)http://everything2.com/user/Dimview/writeups/October+22%252C+2010Dimviewhttp://everything2.com/user/Dimview2010-10-22T06:09:26Z2010-10-22T06:09:26Z<br>
I got <a href="/title/I+travelled+among+unknown+men">stood up</a> the other night.
<p>
That's not in itself very interesting, but what was interesting was that I, all of a sudden, found myself standing in the middle of the city with nowhere to go. No purpose. For just four or five seconds I felt lost and... pointless. A very humbling and slightly <a href="/title/The+meadow%252C+dark+and+moist.">scary</a> feeling.</p>
<p>
I remember looking around, thinking "Now what do I do?".</p>
<p>
And then I thought "What if this was what I had?"</p>
<p>
I was standing in the middle of the largest and most bustling pedestrian street in <a href="/title/Copenhagen">Copenhagen</a>, and I was weirdly paralyzed. And I thought "If I were homeless, this is what I would have. Nothing. Just the city. Nowhere to go to get warm or safe..."</p>
<p>
And for those five seconds my city seemed a lot less friendly and comforting than it usually feels to me. It felt big and cold and intimidating.</p>
<p>
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<br>
I'd never claim to know what it is like to be truly homeless. I only came<!-- close unclosed tag --></p>…October 17, 2010 (personal)http://everything2.com/user/Dimview/writeups/October+17%252C+2010Dimviewhttp://everything2.com/user/Dimview2010-10-17T15:19:51Z2010-10-17T15:19:51Z<br>
<p align="center"><em>Some friends and I were at the park, throwing frisbees around when the universe took a deep breath and sighed. Afterwards <a href="/title/Bushwhacking">nothing</a> was the same.</em>
<br><br>
***</p>
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<br>
<p>
That was a dream I had, once. I don't remember it any longer, but the fact that I at the time found it interesting enough to write down is quite cool. I wish I could remember it; if just a smidgeon of a fleeting memory of a feeling.</p>
<p>
Some dreams are <a href="/title/Today+I+clean+her+little+fingerprints+from+my+window">vivid</a> in my mind as I wake up, only to fade and be gone by the time I get to the bathroom. Some dreams stay with me, clear and distinct, for days. Some even for years, but of course as time passes the details will be forgotten and only the outline remains; what I thought and sensed was important will run like a little video now and then, projected onto the back of my skull. It may not be important at all, and maybe what my mind was trying to tell me is lost in<!-- close unclosed tag --></p>…October 16, 2010 (idea)http://everything2.com/user/Dimview/writeups/October+16%252C+2010Dimviewhttp://everything2.com/user/Dimview2010-10-16T21:21:32Z2010-10-16T21:21:32Z<p>
Today I got the idea that I would find a couple of places on <a href="/title/Googlemaps">Googlemaps</a>. First I looked for the place where I lived from the age of six thorugh nine (<a href="/title/Gothenburg">Göteborg</a>), and then for the place where I lived before that - from birth to six (<a href="/title/Stockholm">Stockholm</a>). I still remember the addresses, for some odd reason, so it wasn't all that difficult to find. But... yeah.</p>
<p>
There's a saying that indicates that you can never go back. I think it's more a question of it not being a very good idea.</p>
<p>
I have so many good and happy memories from those places. I am one of those fairly boring people who seems to have had a perfectly happy childhood, free from traumatic experiences and misery: all I remember is a lot of sunshine in the summers and a lot of snow in the winters. Everything was big and vast and awesome.</p>
<p>
Except that it wasn't really.</p>
<p>
When I was little in Farsta, Stockholm, I lived in a great <a href="/title/How+did+I+get+here%252C+Sarah%253F">big house</a> with lots of apartments. I had my best<!-- close unclosed tag --></p>…September 24, 2010 (personal)http://everything2.com/user/Dimview/writeups/September+24%252C+2010Dimviewhttp://everything2.com/user/Dimview2010-09-24T11:48:32Z2010-09-24T11:48:32Z<br>
I just came home from <a href="/title/New+York">New York</a> City. Spent two weeks there.
<p>
<br>
<br>
Now, the way I go sightseeing in a city is by getting lost. I leave my hotel/<a href="/title/in+NYC%253A+The+Custodian%2527s+home">place of refuge</a>/wherever and go out into the city, turn a few corners and try to get lost. Often I can actually do it without even trying. And then I relax my shoulders, straighten my back, and start looking around. I mean <em>really</em> <a href="/title/Terry+Pratchett">look around</a>. I observe, I watch, I make mental notes, I... drink it up, every last drop of it.</p>
<p>
I walked the <a href="/title/well....+Manhattan%252C+at+least">city</a> thin. Most days I walked for at least four hours with very few breaks. I can pretty much find my way around since the layout of the streets makes it so very easy. The streets, west and east, the avenues with their numbers... makes everything so easy. I had tourists ask me for directions that I was able to give them, and I felt ridiculously proud.</p>
<p>
I have some favourite places. Like the <a href="/title/Madison+Square+Park">Madison Square Park</a><!-- close unclosed tag --></p>…April 1, 2010 (event)http://everything2.com/user/Dimview/writeups/April+1%252C+2010Dimviewhttp://everything2.com/user/Dimview2010-04-01T17:49:55Z2010-04-01T17:49:55ZBirthdays come and go. Some are a pain, some are a success. This one, today, was rather nice and low key. I didn't quite get out of having a cake and making merry, but since the visitors were my son and his family it was relaxed and fine. <a href="/title/Fniggles">Fniggles</a> was at her most charming; even chatted a bit with a good friend of mine in New Jersey via Skype. <a href="/title/Another+one+bites+the+dust">She bowled him over completely</a>, I think. Pics taken, uploaded. People gone home. Got lots of good wishes from near and far, all and sundry. Thank you, by the way, all of you. You know who you are.
<p>
Now I can sit back and relax. For another year.</p>
<p>
<br>
By the way you are all invited to come to my birthday in 2014. That's when I turn 55. I figure I'll throw a big one every five years. Make a note of it. Now. Some of you remember the last one; I am expecting you to attend the next one too. It'll be at the <a href="/title/Labyrinth">Labyrinth</a> again, and this time the playground will be awesome and cool. Just go to Copenhagen and turn left.</p>
<p>
See you then and there.
</p>