Biot's New Writeups

I want to watch pornography, but my pornograph is broken (event)

2009-08-16T02:49:30Z

It really just figures. I sit down for a good time, figure I'll just fire up some old classics. Something tasteful, maybe, like the one with the nubile teenager's first time with her boyfriend. Or maybe something raunchy and nasty. Maybe wank off a few times and call it a night.

But when I turn on the pornograph, it only makes a few clicking noises, lets out a low noise that is almost, but not quite, like an orgasmic moan, and then the lights all go out and it just sits there. This thing is dead.

This is embarrassing, really. This is the third or fourth one I've bought recently. I think the conspiracy theories that they make them cheap are true. It gets delivered discreetly, wrapped up in its brown paper wrapping, but after that the box it comes in is really pretty obvious.

And when it breaks, you invariably have to ship it back to get a refund or a replacement.

Of course, this presents a problem, because now you have to ship it…

Rosie the Riveter (person)

2007-09-12T16:55:23Z

In Bioshock, a Rosie is one of two types of the Big Daddy types of enemies. For those unfamiliar with the game, Bioshock takes place in 1960 in a giant underwater city called Rapture that was built in the post WWII years. A Big Daddy is one of the many genetically modified beings you will find in the city; they tend to ignore the player unless you either attack them first, or attack the Little Sister they are guarding. The Little Sisters gather genetic material, ADAM, to fuel the underwater war machine in the city. The Rosie's choice of weaponry? A rivet gun.

When people ask "Where are you from?" I have to think for a minute (idea)

2007-01-02T11:04:34Z

It works every time. Regardless of how often I get asked, every time someone new asks it, my brain locks up. Usually I pause long enough that whoever is asking feels the need to ask it again.

I have no place of origin. I am an American. I have moved so often that where I have lived has had almost no relation to the kind of person I am, or the customs I keep dear. My place of birth is not the answer they want. Born in New York City, moved away before I was even a year old. I am not a New Yorkan.

Nowadays I find it easiest to simply tell the inquirer that I joined the Navy from Colorado. This satisfies nobody, however. I need to come up with a better answer. They will usually push and pry some more, and I will tell them not only where I was born, but will give them an itinerary of every place I have lived. This can take a while.

And still, this rarely satisfies anyone. The color of my skin does not betray my nationality, nor do my major features. Nor should…

malicious compliance (idea)

2007-01-02T10:46:57Z

Malicious compliance is the art of being completely compliant with another person's wishes - to the point of being malicious about it. This is one of those wonderful little things I learned from the Navy. I think it's one of those things that comes about as part of a social system where you're expected to do what you're told. Even when it's something dumb, or you don't like the person giving you the order. I've used it as a disciplinary tool against superiors who don't know my job as well as I do.

The whole concept is best characterized by following the very letter of the law, if not its spirit. And not deviating even a single iota from whatever it is you've been told to do. The classic example I like to give involves monitoring some important panel, and doing some important work. The person actually operating the panel or station does something without informing his immediate supervisor. The supervisor gets annoyed, and like a good little officer, issues an order. This will…

50/50/90 rule (idea)

2006-08-20T02:43:39Z

There are two basic 50/50/90 rules. One of them refers to probability, and the other one to time management.

The first one states that in any decision that a human makes which has a 50/50 chance of being correct, that the human will pick wrong 90 percent of the time. This one is often heard of when referring to multiple choice tests, but is also sometimes bandied as a taunt to the loser of a simple coin toss.

The other 50/50/90 rule states that the first half, or fifty percent, of a project will take fifty percent of the time allowed; and the other half of the project will take the remaining ninety percent of the time. This apparent contradiction demonstrates how many projects tend to take far more time than originally intended.