BROCKEN's New Writeupshttp://everything2.com/?node=New%20Writeups%20Atom%20Feed&foruser=BROCKEN2008-02-16T06:23:05ZFebruary 16, 2008 (personal)http://everything2.com/user/BROCKEN/writeups/February+16%252C+2008BROCKENhttp://everything2.com/user/BROCKEN2008-02-16T06:23:05Z2008-02-16T06:23:05Z<p>When I starred my business two years ago, I felt that I needed some guidance on the business side of things. I would have gone to my <a href="/title/clay+remembers">boss</a>, whom I make <a href="/title/pounding+tiles">ceramic tiles</a> for, for guidance and advice, but she was in the middle of heavy <a href="/title/chemotherapy">chemotherapy</a> and I really didn’t want to bother her. Her bout with <a href="/title/Cancer">Cancer</a> was one of the reasons I even started my own business because I was afraid she might die.</p>
<p>I’ve written quite a bit about my <a href="/title/progress">progress</a> as an artist and a fishmaker, but I never really <i>tell</i> anything. I don’t want anyone to know.</p>
<p>I act like I have everything under control and that I’m just riding the <a href="/title/Blue+line%252C+a+being+with">wave of life</a>, but in reality, I’m terrified. I’m very scared. I’m scared of; death, of failure, of losing the things I hold dear to me. I pretend I’m not, but I am.</p>
<p>I’m not afraid all the time, in fact, it’s a fraction of the time I spend completing tasks and maintaining slow thought. I haven’t mentioned slow<!-- close unclosed tag --></p>…Blue Line. A Being With. (personal)http://everything2.com/user/BROCKEN/writeups/Blue+Line.+A+Being+With.BROCKENhttp://everything2.com/user/BROCKEN2007-10-03T04:10:20Z2007-10-03T04:10:20Z<p>The blue line of sea and sky. Just a line in the midday sun no matter where you are. When the <a href="/title/periwinkle">periwinkle</a> sea meets the robin egg sky with looping wisps of clouds meandering for the sun that shines so bright. So bright and you see the blue line and it is stoic as a horizon, just waiting, depending on where you are, for a little sphere to go down or come up in a brilliant pastel wave of color smeared with the soul.</p>
<p>I think sometimes about my mistakes and the awful choices I’ve made and more often about the <a href="/title/Not+Pulling+a+graduate">wondrous choices</a> I didn’t make. I chalk it up to the color blue and all the things and love I associated with blue and couldn’t grasp. I’d tell you that I don’t care, that I’m an apathetic slob of life that is secure and unjustly indignant, but that wouldn’t be true. I still love the color blue and I love all the mistakes I ever made.</p>
<p>Often, when I wake up in the morning I dry heave and cough for about twenty minutes until the coffee is made and I take my<!-- close unclosed tag --></p>…Confusing parable about fish 2 (idea)http://everything2.com/user/BROCKEN/writeups/Confusing+parable+about+fish+2BROCKENhttp://everything2.com/user/BROCKEN2006-10-16T07:06:39Z2006-10-16T07:06:39Z<p>Beside inside, I sat down and gave a <a href="/title/the+torn+wings+of+truth">heavy sigh</a>. I didn’t know what to say so I didn’t say nothing. I just sat there and looked at my clean shoes all bright against the dusty slab of cement that made the <a href="/title/hello+baseball">dugout floor</a>. I looked at my laces and thought one might be a little loose so I reached down and grabbed each loop and gave a tug. Next to inside, I was all the time wondering what inside was feeling, but I didn’t dare ask. Inside was on deck.</p>
<p>In the ball game of life, a lot of waiting ensues. I don’t mind on account of all the big hits at the right time that come up just once in a <a href="/title/blue+moon">blue moon</a> just in time. Those are all the moments we wait and sit next to.</p>
<p><a href="/title/Confusing+parable+about+fish">Confusing parable about fish</a> - I’ve had a couple and this is the second. I’ve been dreaming of fish. Every night on account of my <a href="/title/vitamin+B">vitamin B</a>. Those damn fish suffocating my subconscious, riddling my every move, fish. Damn fish shouldn’t riddle my every move.</p>
<p>I nudge<!-- close unclosed tag --></p>…flaw (person)http://everything2.com/user/BROCKEN/writeups/flawBROCKENhttp://everything2.com/user/BROCKEN2006-06-21T06:35:04Z2006-06-21T06:35:04Z<p>Last eve I went to the <a href="/title/Diane+Arbus">Diane Arbus</a> walk through with the Walker Art Center exhibition <a href="/title/Walker+Art+Center">curator</a>, Elisabeth. I wasn’t paying much attention until she was attributing a quote from some lady named Judith Goldman, about how fascinating the <a href="/title/Flaw">gap</a> between intent and effect is. I thought about all my <a href="/title/this+is+not+how+I+am">flaws</a>.</p>
<p>Along with the forty or so other guides on the walk through, I was enamored and drawn into the <a href="/title/photograph">photograph</a>s that filled the galleries. We started in a room called the “<a href="/title/Overture">Overture</a>”. All the guides filled the little room of six <a href="/title/a+young+Brooklyn+family+going+for+a+Sunday+outing">photographs</a>. Some sat on the floor, others with their fold out gallery chairs and <a href="/title/repose">a trickle of rest</a> standing crowded. We got our introduction, then entered the first room which was painted white, photographs spaced along the walls of people at <a href="/title/Coney+Island">Coney Island</a> and titles that say so. All the rooms are painted white or gray, anything framed has a white frame. There<!-- close unclosed tag --></p>…May 16, 2006 (place)http://everything2.com/user/BROCKEN/writeups/May+16%252C+2006BROCKENhttp://everything2.com/user/BROCKEN2006-05-16T07:53:06Z2006-05-16T07:53:06Z<p>Good thing I brought a shovel with for when I hit <a href="/title/rock+bottom">rock bottom</a>. I can always dig a little deeper on account that I listen to the old Czech composers. I know <a href="/title/Ma+Vlast">Ma Vlast</a> like the hurt on my liver. Sometimes I just sit and think about my life and what I might become and all the things I became. It feels good to me to think about these things. It’s like an affirmation of self that resonates through me like a shiver tingle. I dunno if anybody else feels that way sometimes, but I hope so.</p>
<p>The Cubs are amidst a skid since D Lee went down with a broken wrist. They’ve been getting crushed like crumpled hearts. Three rookies in the rotation, two of them lefties, <a href="/title/Greg+Maddux">an old man</a>, and a <a href="/title/Carlos+Zambrano">hot head</a>, c’mon. Not to mention the free agent Right Fielder whom I watched since he was a rookie up here in the “DA-DA-DA Dome” who can’t not bounce a throw to the plate. But anyway.</p>
<p>Dawn’s parents got me a fish tank for my birthday a few months ago. 55 gallon, complete with a<!-- close unclosed tag --></p>…space just isn't for stars (idea)http://everything2.com/user/BROCKEN/writeups/space+just+isn%2527t+for+starsBROCKENhttp://everything2.com/user/BROCKEN2006-04-26T04:42:14Z2006-04-26T04:42:14Z<p>We’re on I ninety-four headed west just past <a href="/title/Cow">Black River Falls</a>, Wisconsin. I’m listening to every <a href="/title/Lyle+Lovett">lyric</a> of the country songs that droll, I should be thinking about the Norske Nook in Osseo and their thirty five <a href="/title/Pabst">blue ribbon</a> award winning <a href="/title/peach+cobbler">pies</a>. I should be awing anticipation for the fluffy meringue as high as the sky, and the <a href="/title/raspberry">raspberry</a> jam they serve in the little plastic cups. Deep down in my stomach, I am. My head and heart are focused on the lyrics of the songs and my eyes are watching the rolling hills of <a href="/title/springnightsettingsun">springtime</a> <a href="/title/a+catalog+of+lonesome+highway+sounds">pass on by</a>.</p>
<p><i>”What are you thinking about?”</i> Dawn asks.<br><br>
<i>”The lyrics to all these songs.”</i> I say.<br><br>
<i>”What do you think about these lyrics?”</i> <p align="justify"> She’s bored and wants me to talk, wants to get inside my <a href="/title/The+torn+wings+of+truth">deep parts</a>. We’ve just left the place of my <a href="/title/sunflower+tag">youth</a> and she knows that I get all<!-- close unclosed tag --></p><!-- close unclosed tag --></p>…