New Front Page Blurb

Which of these should be our new front page blurb?

"About E2 "
"Don't understand this site? Neither do we, really. Why don't you go read E2 Quick Start and then come give us a hand building this place? "
"First time here? Everything2 is a collection of user-submitted writings about pretty much everything. Use the search box or follow the links to explore, or click here to learn how you can contribute. "
"Welcome to E2. This level of brevity will not be tolerated in your work. "
"Confused? So are we! (Check out the Everything FAQ to find just what the heck E2 is.) "
"Confused? Read the Frequently Asked Questions! "
"First time here? Everything2 is a collection of user-submitted writings about, well, pretty much everything. Use the search box or follow the links to explore, or click here to learn how you can contribute. "
I'd like an "About " link on the frontpage instead.
Don't change it at all.
None of the above.

Things you could have written:
You love these machines. These machines are dead: a love story.
I don't rewrite my poetry
serotonin and suicide
Japanese romanization
Rhapsody on a Windy Night
Completely implausible circumstances, even by comic book standards
Australian Aboriginal languages
Searle's Chinese room
DanceSport
Boson
1,340,666 women just like me
On finding a wife
Under Orders

Simulacron3
Reality, Dimensions and the Natural Ontology	(essay)
SubSane
Making Love to a 9-Foot Woman	(person)
Ouzo
Thoughts	(idea)
antigravpussy
I fall silent, listening. The breadcrumbs are talking about us	(person)
calgon
Buffalo Bill by the pool	(poetry)
gate
Anarchy is Order	(idea)
ushdfgakjasgh
Scribeling	(thing)
XWiz
Trism	(review)
artman2003
Briefcase Full of Souls - Part I	(fiction)
Dreamvirus
Alan Ladd	(person)
waverider37
Harold Holt	(person)
The Debutante
Until death do us part	(fiction)
Ysardo
a brother to a sister	(personal)
antigravpussy
your warm whispers	(personal)
Clarke
Multiculturalism	(idea)

This affordable entertainment brought to you by The Everything Development Company