This is a sport that can be played with any couch. Perhaps the ultimate couch fishing couch was at my ex-girlfriend's house. It had a rather large hole underneath one of the cushions. This coupled with the general messiness that abounded led to prime breeding grounds for couch fish.

To couch fish you first need a couch. Got your couch? Good. Now sit down on it. Then take your hand (either will do) and start fishing around in the cushions to see what you can find. Pretty simple eh?

Watch out for nasty things in the couch though. Sometimes there's more than your ordinary bass or perch .... er ..... I mean loose change or the remote control.

Couch Fish I've Caught:

• Money Fish
• Remora Control (both VCR and TV species)
• Green Dorsal Finned Bra
• Lonely Sock Fish
• A Whole School of Silverware Minnows, both Forks and Spoons
• Random homework papers thrown into the couch pond by children
• Under Couch Crickets
• Multicolored Crayola Tetras
• Scissor Fish
• And countless other species

If you're seriously concerned about your safety when couch fishing, wear heavy gloves to protect your hands from biting fish and other unpleasantness.

And remember to throw your fish back if they're not the minimum length. A catch and release policy will allow the whole family to enjoy couch fishing for years to come!

Couch fishing can yield wonderful treasures, however let me warn those interested, about the dangers of couch fishing in foreign and unknown territory. Let us explore a brief story to articulate this.

Waterfront many years ago, where kids happily skip school to hang out, sell drugs, swap stolen merchandise, and enjoy frequent visits from a irritated police force who are on a first name basis. It is summer time and the usual ruckus is going down, people have yanked trees out of the ground and tossed them over the deck into the river, along with shopping carts and gutter gratings. Several kids are sitting at the tables carving things into them to irritate city maintenance workers and the general public. A couple kids are skating while keeping a good eye out for the cops, all is well.

Such a nice warm day out, and someone has dragged two recliners from nobody knows or wants to know where out into the grass. Josh sits down in one of these chairs eventually and is kicking back. He gets curious and begins to dig about in the cracks and under the cushions. He roots around deeper and deeper in there hoping for some hidden treasure. Suddenly he screams out and jumps up. Waving his hand around madly, which is now gushing blood, he quickly finds something to wrap it up in while swearing profusely. People gather round, and eventually someone walks over to the recliner and pulls up the cushion and peers deep down into the depths of the crack. Reaching in timidly, they extract a rusty and slightly bloody razor blade. Yay! What a nice treat!

And so from now on we will always remember to watch out for the Razor Fish, Broken Glass Fish, and Hypodermic Needle Fish.