The soul gets growing pains, too

created by PureDoxyk

(idea) by PureDoxyk (4.9 mon) (print) ? 1 C! I like it! Fri Feb 25 2000 at 18:49:22

Suddenly I'm budgeting. Was I idealistic before? If I saw myself as I am now five years ago, what would I think? I'd like my trench coat and my ever-present shades. I wouldn't mind my smoking, I think. But...what would I think of my budgeting? I should be writing stories and yet I'm in front of an office computer thinking god damn, the house is filthy. I have to do dishes and clean the catbox--rock the catbox!--and pay the bills and do laundry and pay more bills and run errands...real errands, not the fun kind. How can I be magickal when I can't even dream anymore? I used to have so many friends...insomnia, night terrors, lucid dreams, choking fits, trouble distinguishing between dreams and reality. Now I don't dream, I don't hear the voices or see Malkavians offering me brutal choices as I try to walk to class after half an hour of fitful sleep. Now I just work, clean, and die slowly for eight hours a night; no magick, no drama, no need to question reality anymore, which makes for a very unreal reality. And I'm down to one voice that I can't hear except when I'm budgeting, and then it only says somthing that sounds like "nathan, this is unacceptable". I usually ignore it in favor of thinking, not about chaos and cosmos and spirit and soul, but about how I really should start wearing makeup; I'm twenty-two now, after all, and I do work in an office, and would it kill me to get some normal clothes? In a few weeks I'll go get my nails done, though I don't know why.

printable version
chaos

I signed up for the carpool for all the wrong reasons and now I'm bitter as Hell	Nathan, This Is Unacceptable	We do more after 2am than most people do all day.	Guilty Pleasures
A survival guide for the professionally outraged - constructing umbrage from common household items	smoking	To kill persistent tears, befriend sunlight.	Growing Pains
Alan Thicke	You find yourself being chased not only by the bad guys, but also by what should be the good guys	Our souls are growing coarse. We must do something.	Get the fuck out of my office
Trucker, a Portrait of the Last American Cowboy	There are no small roles	Walking the spaces between the words	Malkavian
Rock the Casbah	Kirk Cameron	pedestal-diving	November 3, 2002
your handprints there, at the base	Queer as Folk	primitive	community

Y'know, if you log in, you can write something here, or contact authors directly on the site. Create a New User if you don't already have an account.

Login
Password

remember me
password reminder
register

Everything2 Help

cooled by discofever

The best nodes of all time:
Some things Sensei has tried to teach me
Peter died clean
heat
Somewhere, there's a universe with your name on it, spelled out in consecutive constellations
Some like it in the pot, nine days old
You noders still fucking suck, but your needing my wisdoms bad
Vicar or whatever
Gone in Sixty Seconds - Theatre Quest Entries
asthma
Athens
Lateralus
The Two Cultures
The terrible beauty of an industrial landscape at dawn

rootbeer277
m&m's Ice Cream Treats	(review)
Transitional Man
Gus's Chalet	(review)
minnow
.410 bore	(thing)
shaogo
Phonautogram	(thing)
Morkel
Changing your sexuality	(idea)
teleny
Baron Samedi	(person)
Ouzo
The Great Barbershop Race Wars	(log)
Mannerisky
second language	(essay)
aneurin
British Monomarks	(idea)
FrankThomas
How and why do we (humans) have culture?	(essay)
lee_cad
Isaac	(person)
kalen
downvota	(poetry)
Andrew Aguecheek
Wstfgl	(thing)
ncc05
overheard at IHOP	(event)
calgon
Bottomless	(poetry)

This page courtesy of The Everything Development Company