I was at the Brixton Academy the other day to see Manowar. I saw something there I'd never seen before at any venue, ever.

A sign with stickmen crowd surfing crossed out by the "universal no" circle.

Jesus Christ, I thought to myself. What a bunch of killjoys. Because some whining arses don't like it they have to spoil it for the rest of us by complaining or picking fights or threatening to sue and the venue isn't insured.

To be fair, I've never met anyone, repeat ANYONE, who has ever had a problem with crowd surfing (at appropriate gigs) until I went onto this node. Granted, some people crowd surf while being fat bastards, which may be inconsiderate, but think about this - if they're so heavy people can't keep them up they're the ones who risk being dropped on their heads and/or otherwise maimed. Also, while it's unpleasant being crowdsurfed into testicles-first by a kilt-wearing German with no pants on, on which I speak from experience, generally that's the exception. Also, bear in mind that if this person does kick or slap you, his bollox are inches from your hands. Altogether now: "Come on, let's twist again, like we did last summer." Heh heh heh. That'll teach 'em.

There are people like the scroat to whom SharQ refers above who do exist. That's life. There's rotten apples in every barrel. The fact that he was seeing a band whose fandom consisted mainly of wangsty teenagers (is there any other sort of teenager, I wonder) may have had something to do that, I suspect. Of course, if one goes to see Manowar or Overkill or Children of Bodom or Morbid Angel most of the fans are large hairy men so kicking folks in the skull for shiggles is ill advised. However crowd surfing, moshing, stage diving and walls of death are all part of it and if one goes to see punk or metal bands then this can reasonably be expected. I wouldn't go to a Justin Bieber concert, by the same token, and then complain about hordes of squeeing fangirls, now would I, because that's all part of it and can be expected from that Canadian eunuch. Well then.

I have crowdsurfed myself despite being a fat bastard. I usually get dropped, which is not pleasant, so I don't do it that often. However, I did do it in 2009 when Municipal Waste set the world record for that sort of thing during their song "Beer Pressure" at Bloodstock that year with 428 simultaneous crowd surfers. It was fun, although spoilt by the fact that the security men were a squadron of little hitlers who objected to anyone doing anything remotely described as enjoyable, yet missed people obviously smuggling their own alcohol into the arena, but that's irrelevant right now.

Incidentally, just for the record, when I went to see Manowar like I said above, despite the presence of this sign, there were many crowd surfers. So stick that in your SIA licence and apply for it, security men!

(IRON NODER 2011, 14/30)