Everything is the new rock and roll. It's the hottest thing, it's the sexiest thing, it's the thing that's getting the kids ripping up the chairs and dancing in the aisles.

Cooking is the new rock and roll. Hot young chefs saying pukka. Two Fat Ladies using butter. Rock salt and egg roll.

Interior decoration is the new rock and roll. MDF? Phwoar. What a scorcher. Rock gardens and rag roll.

Gardening is the new rock and roll. Men in green wellies sweating over Charlie Dimmock's untrellised breasts, calming water features, and daringly bold herbaceous borders.

Comedy is the new rock and roll. Slam poetry is. Clubbing is. Nesting is. Reading is. Shopping is. Buddhism is. Everything but rock and roll is the new rock and roll.

What's wrong with the old rock and roll?

Maybe it's the bad hair.

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