Choosing the object of your affection

The most important element of falling in love with an inanimate object is having an initial attraction to the object. A desire to get to know the object better as well as a continuing desire to spend time with it are essential if your initial attraction is going to blossom into love. This makes it important that the object you choose does not rot, spoil or dissolve easily. An ice cube is a poor choice if you want to spend long periods of time sitting on the couch watching television. A better selection in that case would be a coffee cup or a lamp.

Larger objects, such as sofas and twenty foot lengths of stainless steel tubing make poor choices if you plan to take your new love on outings or lengthy vacations. Select something more manageable, such as a vase or handbag. Those items have both beauty and functionality and can be a compliment rather than an encumbrance. If you are more the type to spend time at seedy neighborhood bars or barbeques where the host wears white v-necked tee shirts, then perhaps a toaster or hammer might be up your alley.

Making your move

The right atmosphere is important for first impressions. Even more important is that after you notice the inanimate object you be certain it is prepared to be approached. If you start to make your move and then realize the towel you felt attracted to is now being used to dry someone, then you have wasted a great deal of emotion and energy on a prospect that you probably won't get a second chance with. Make certain you have an adequate window of time to make your move and establish contact.

Be cautious about being overly physical when you first make your move. This is especially important if you are not certain you are alone with your new partner. People and animals may react strongly to your advances on the inanimate object. Remember, there will be plenty of time for gentle kissing and petting of your Rolodex or throw pillow later on in the relationship.

Falling in love

This can be a slow process or it can happen quite suddenly. Once your feel the initial attraction, you are going to have to allow time for your feelings to deepen and grow. You need to accept the limitations of your partner, which range from the inability to show affection to conversational inadequacies. However, if you are the type of person who likes to manipulate and control your partner, falling in love with an inanimate object may be very much to your liking.

Respecting your new partner

The rights of inanimate objects are currently not upheld in the court system. In almost all relationships with inanimate objects, they are considered your property. Exceptions include the object belonging to someone other than yourself and the object being a protected artifact or work of fine art.

The respect you grant your inanimate object is privy to your own whims and desires. However, if you respect the concept of love, then you will respect your new life partner and protect and honor it always... or at least until you notice a shiny beach ball in your neighbor's yard that catches your fancy.

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