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geek groupie
created by
prole
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Wed Jul 19 2000 at 1:21:36
now that
it's cool, even sexy, to be a geek
, it probably won't be long before we witness an
explosion
of
groupies
and
gold-diggers
seeking the
amorous attention
of nerds of both sexes. this is merely
survival of the fittest
at work, and goddamn, it's about time it started working in favor of the
pale carpal tunnel victims
of the world.
if you hesitate to believe that being a geek is
sexy
, consider what
psychologists
tell us the elements of sexiness include.. mainly, these center around the perception of a
potential mate
as able to be a
good provider
and/or having the
fertility
and
good dna
to produce
cute little genius children
who won't put you in a
retirement home
. the good provider attribute is a no-brainer. geeks make a lot of money. even people in the
free software
community live comfortably.
as for the second half of the equation, the
stereotype
of a nerd is tied to
porn
. this may well be because
the internet is so full of porn
and the internet was for a long time the sole domain of
intelligent antisocials
. what can we assume about people who need this much porn on such a wide variety of topics, in such
sundry media
? that
their sex drives overwhelm those of mere mortals
and that they are capable of beginning the process of producing healthy
offspring
at any time, day or night.
thus it only follows that
in the very near future
, geeks will be innundated by requests for their manly or womanly services. we will have a wide array of choices in potential mates following us everywhere we go in
screaming swarms
.
fan clubs
will be formed to celebrate the virtues of authors of brilliant
software
, and perhaps even really talented
testers
and
tech support
people.
sadly, when this all comes to pass, we will likely feel so
alienated
from our fans that we will have no choice but to select
partners
from our own ranks, leaving poor
computer illiterate
s to nurse the wounds of
unrequited love
. it is possible that we will find some
sympathy
in the arms of similarly famous people, such as
actors
and
rock stars
and
supermodels
, but while they might understand the burdens of
fame
and being a
sex symbol
, they would be unable to comprehend the specific traumas the result from millions of peple emailing you every day telling you how your software saved their lives and they want to name their
first-born
in your honor.
probably, in the end, the situation will remain much as it is now and geeks will end up
dating other geeks
. and the poor geek groupies, with their
leather pants
and
surgically enhanced
body parts, will go home and weep over their
shrines
to
alpha nerd
s, and we will feel sadness for them and
guilt
in our hearts.
maybe that's
the price of fame
.
printable version
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