"You're dead", she told me.
"What?"
"The fish isn't moving. That means you're dead. The Fortune Teller Miracle FishTM knows all!"
How a thin strip of cellophane cut in the shape of a fish could possibly have obtained a state of omniscience is beyond me, but who am I to question the fortune fish? And really, how many dead people actually know that they're dead? Very few, if you accept movies to be a fair representation of the undead experience. Look at The 6th Sense -- Bruce Willis was blithely unaware of his state! Or, on a larger scale, look at the hordes of zombies in the macabre horror film Night of the Living Dead. If someone had read any one of those zombies their fortune, would they have accepted their reading? I doubt it. In fact, they probably would vehemently reject the notion and brutally murder the fortune teller.
I suppose there's nothing left to do now but accept my undead nature. | 
