currency

Rumor has it that the status quo currency of cotton money will be replaced with sticks and twigs of various sizes. I don't believe this system of trade will be adopted by the people of the world, but I have a solution. If the stick is inserted in it's bearer's ass, it shall be declared twice the value of a regular stick. For each inch inserted (excluding the first inch), the value of the stick increases exponentially.

This creates an interesting scenario for the payment of goods and services, as at first not everyone will be comfortable with handling sticks that have been inside their fellow consumer or producer's rectum. This problem is easily averted, however. The value of the stick shall have an additional multiplier factor of 2 if the payee removes the stick from the payor's ass. Otherwise, as normal protocol, the payor shall remove the stick and present it to the payee. If the payee so chooses, however, he or she may request that the payor cleanse the stick after removal. This will decrease the value of the stick by a factor of 2. For example, if one has three sticks each inserted four inches up one's ass, and a clerk removes two of them without assistance, this payment would be equivalent to eighty regular, plain sticks. As you can see, this saves a lot of sticks, and a lot of time.

Care must be taken for the stick to not become severed, as this voids the value of the stick entirely. This system is clearly superior to that of bank notes, as authenticity can almost always be assured. You may be thinking, what about those who have not an ass? And those with no arms or legs with which to remove the stick from their ass? Will proctologists become the equivalent of today's bankers? These questions and many more can and will be asked. Problems will turn into solutions. But I must ask of you, do you think the earliest civilizations thought possible the mass production and trade of metal coins? Could the Romans, at the height of their power, have imagined the debit card?

I believe, some day, the stick and it's relationship with the ass, will be what "makes the world go round".

Trading in currencies is called Foreign Exchange or FOREX. It is based on the variations of price between various currencies, and involves staggering amounts of money. How different currencies are priced against each other varies depending on the economic climate and how the international agreements about how to use currencies are at the time. Historically, there has been a number of different schemes.

For centuries, it used to be common for currencies to be backed in gold, letting the person possessing currency exchange it for gold. This became more or less universal in 1879, and lasted until the outbreak of World War I in 1914. From 1914 to 1945, currencies sort of floated depending on the whims of the issuers. Then came the Bretton Woods agreement in 1945, adding back a gold tie, but allowing countries to adjust their par rate to gold on an uniliteral basis if the IMF agreed. The next change was in 1950 - where the gold standard was replaced with dollar standard, with the USA having a fairly passive role, just trying to keep prices of tradable goods stable and allowing the access to the US capital markets open for everybody. This policy was called the Fixed-Rate Dollar Standard, and lasted until 1970, and was followed by a brief period of instability. In 1972, it was replaced with the Floating-Rate Dollar Standard, in which countries tried to keep their currency reasonably stable against the dollar in the short term, but did not commit to a stable rate of exchange over time. The US also started pursuing a more active role, not trying to keep prices of tradable goals stable. This lasted until 1984, and in 1985 was replaced with an attempt at keeping the rate between dollar and DM and the rate between dollar and yen reasonably stable as long as economic fundamentals didn't change drastically.

From 1972 and onwards, most currency rates have been floating. This means that the currency isn't based in anything but trust in the issuer. There is no fixed exchange for anything else; everything depends on the present rates in the foreign exchange market.

The main differences between a currency and a stock is that the currency is intended for use in generic barter, is often backed by a larger entity than the stock, does not pay a dividend, and does not give voting rights. A currency also usually has a negative effective rate of return due to inflation.

Cur"ren*cy (k?r"r?n-c?), n.; pl. Currencies (-sz). [Cf. LL. currentia a current, fr. L. currens, p. pr. of currere to run. See Current.]

1.

A continued or uninterrupted course or flow like that of a sream; as, the currency of time.

Ayliffe.

2.

The state or quality of being current; general acceptance or reception; a passing from person to person, or from hand to hand; circulation; as, a report has had a long or general currency; the currency of bank notes.

3.

That which is in circulation, or is given and taken as having or representing value; as, the currency of a country; a specie currency; esp., government or bank notes circulating as a substitute for metallic money.

4.

Fluency; readiness of utterance.

5.

Current value; general estimation; the rate at which anything is generally valued.

He . . . takes greatness of kingdoms according to their bulk and currency, and not after intrinsic value. Bacon.

The bare name of Englishman . . . too often gave a transient currency to the worthless and ungrateful. W. Irving.

© Webster 1913.