Near Matches
Ignore Exact
Full Text
corporate speak
created by
mat catastrophe
(
thing
) by
emil greer
(3.1 y)
(
print
)
?
(
I like it!
)
1
C!
Wed Sep 27 2000 at 0:05:18
My
phone
rings and I don't
recognize
the number of the
person
calling me. Its early.
8am Monday
and my
caffiene
hasn't kicked in. Nobody else I know should be
calling
right now. Its too early for the lackeys I work with to be calling in slack, even...
Preturbed
, I reach for the receiver.
"Danielle speaking"
I
moan
.
"Danielle,
good morning
. This is
Blah blah blah
of
Yadda Yadda Yadda
calling and we'd like to discuss some of Mr. Jones'
***
plans for this week." It sounds like this is all this person does every day. So rehearsed. So official. A real
go getter
...
I'm
almost awake
.
"
Yes
" I reply and
fumble
for a
notepad
and
pen
that I can
write
legibly
with.
"Yes, we're flying
So and So
up to
Toronto
to meet with Mr. Jones and we'd like him to
touch base
on the
evening
he
arrive
s. He'll be staying at the
Hilton
near the
airport
and we will
notify
you via
email
when we
obtain
confirmation
of his
travel
itinerary
.
"
Okay
" I reply and watch
Outlook
stall. "When is he arriving?"
"They are
tentative
ly arriving next Thursday P.M. at
approximate
ly 3:30. Do you know the
distance
the Hilton is from the airport by any chance?"
I
jot
down nothing. "The Hilton Airport is at the Airport." I pause, searching for a
reaction
but I hear nothing but
keystroke
s clittering away on the other end of the line. "I'm sure there will be
shuttle bus
es running to the door or there will be
limousines
at the
arrival
doors
to take him down the road to his hotel if he
cannot walk
or take a bus."
"Very well then, I will email you once all the
plans
are
confirm
ed. I expect to hear back from all
parties
involved this afternoon."
"Okay, I'll forward your email to Mr. Jones when it arrives."
"I've already left him messages on his
cell phone
,
Blackberry
and have sent him an
email
as well."
"Okay. Then I'm sure he's
receive
d your
message
, but I will
follow-up
with him once he's
arrive
d."
"Do you need me to
reiterate
?"
"Pardon?" I joke. The caller isn't on the same humorous plane as I am and I interrupt them before they run through the entire story again.
This
vignette
from my
cubicle
illustrates an example of a typical
conversation
that takes place between two people who are working with
others who are out to kiss each other's asses
in the
corporate world
.
Corporate Speak
is a
dialect
. Its used in times and places where
confidence
in
speech
is an issue and where liability for the outcome of a task or
situation
may be at stake. Its used just like
clichés
are and when the wrong person uses the same phrase to initiate a discussion of
warm fuzzy
corporate nature too many times, they are labeled as a puppet by their
subordinate
s.
Those who are subject to too much of the above tend to become completely
brainwash
ed or
disgruntled
and or
disinterested
with the actual nature of their
job
.
***
not his real name.
printable version
chaos
We're shifting the paradigm
Am I or am I not a corporate slave?
Developing an effective web strategy
Office Space
corporate laugh
Touch Base
run it up the flagpole and see who salutes
corporate rock
Casual Fridays
corporate espionage
Blackberry
Nailbunny
Erol's Internet
going forward
12 Angry Men
Why does taking a programming class in a language you already know suck so much?
proactive
Crime and Punishment
Married to my job
go forward
legalese
Corporate Raider
Whistle Down the Wind
The Beast of Redmond
Y'know, if you
log in
, you can write something here, or contact authors directly on the site.
Create a New User
if you don't already have an account.
Login
Password
remember me
password reminder
register
Everything2 Help
Nodes your sibling would have liked:
Telegard
Comin Thro' the Rye
Breaking the Sabbath
Women, Espionage, and the Civil War
The one my father never met
Community2
Super Mario 64
Behind the scenes at a supermarket produce department
I fear I will be nothing
syllogism
The Prisoner
Decadence
Bowling for Columbine
Clarke
Multiculturalism
(
idea
)
aneurin
Earl of Landaff
(
person
)
Heitah
Pseudocide
(
idea
)
XWiz
Google Knol
(
lede
)
Mythi
July 24, 2008
(
personal
)
locke baron
The fall of Earth
(
fiction
)
BookReader
Fear the Cold
(
dream
)
Pavlovna
Kathleen MacInnes
(
person
)
stainedglass
1
(
fiction
)
kalen
Three "T"s
(
idea
)
octillion369
Undead
(
idea
)
archiewood
Ico
(
fiction
)
Heisenberg
Why I love Everything2
(
log
)
octillion369
Death Knight
(
person
)
XWiz
Are you hoping for a miracle?
(
review
)
Everything 2 is brought to you by the letter C and
The Everything Development Company
