Unfortunately this can backfire.
Having just changed addresses I thought that perhaps the best way to continue the embargo on my mortal enemy Ameritech would be to get a cell phone. It was a good plan, in theory.
After pricing the service from a few companies I happened to see a brick and mortar for one I hadn't checked out yet while at lunch. Dropping in I found that they were offering the unprecedented deal of $10 per month with a generous (well, for someone who doesn't make a lot of calls) number of minutes to go along with it. The attractive salesdroid convinced me that it would work in the area where my new house sat and I was ready to lay down cash on the spot.
Things were not to be so easy. The form I was handed required all sorts of information including my social security number (which I falsified by transposing two adjacent digits). I smugly passed the form back only to watch in horror as the droid began to perform some bizarre credit check ritual!
I had chosen to rent a heavily used cell phone manufactured in the early 90's with dimensions more suited to Fred Flintstone's universe than ours. So was the credit check against the possibility that I might steal this antique cell phone technology then run up a massive bill and refuse to pay? Isn't this what collection agencies are for?
Anyway, I interrupted the lovely droid's phone conversation with Equifax or the Illuminati or whoever it is that sits in dark smoky rooms and personally handles credit checks for cell phone stores. I told her that if she was going to perform a credit check she would need my correct social security number, which I provided while ignoring her brief glare of annoyance.
When all was said and done my credit was the same as it ever was: Nonexistant. I don't own a credit card and my only loans are from my education, my vehicle and my swinging bachelor pad. This was not suprising. What was suprising were the penalties for such a shocking lack of living beyond one's means: In order to purchase service from this cell phone company I would need to give them $400 above and beyond my initial payment. This money would be held by the company for a year after which it would be returned. What a fantastic offer! Do I get a reacharound with this butt fuck?
Upon returning to work I discovered that a cow orker's relative had attempted to purchase service with this same company only to be denied because he had just moved here from out of state. That he had been a customer in good standing with the same company in his previous state of residence made no difference.
And you wonder why there are people using the word 'nazi' unnecessarily. | 
