You might be a Mormon

You might be a Mormon if..

• If you've ever used the phrase "Bless those who aren't here this time that they might be here next time."
• If you've ever used the above phrase while offering a prayer at a state prison, youth detention facility or other place of confinement.
• If you have a favorite Osmond.
• If that Osmond is Jimmy.
• If you think the word "ignorant" means rude.
• If you think the word "ignorant" is pronounced "ig-nernt"
• If you think BYU's Holiday Bowl victory over SMU in 1980 is proof of the true church.
• If you still talk about the Holiday Bowl victory of 1980.
• If you refuse to accept the fact that the two BYU players on either end of that "miracle pass" were Catholic.
• Even though he was born and raised in Connecticut, you consider Steve Young a Utah native.
• If you couldn't raise your children in Utah, Connecticut would be your second choice.
• If you've ever used the words: fetch, flip, scrud, or oh-my-heck.
• If you ever apologized for using such language.
• If you've ever used your temple recommend as a check protection card.
• If you hide your recommend in the back of your wallet when you shop on Sunday.
• If you believe Jell-O is one the basic food groups.
• If you've ever mixed Jell-O with any kind of meat.
• If you like Jell-O mixed with any kind of meat.
• If you have your order in for volume 25 of The Work and The Glory
• If you use the dust jacket from The Work and The Glory to read romance novels in public.
• If you've ever quoted The Work and The Glory in a talk or a lesson.
• If you feel that The Work and The Glory would be better if it took place in Connecticut and the hero's name was Steve.
• If you were shocked to find out that the cast and crew of "Touched By An Angel" were not Mormon.
• If you feel that "Touched By An Angel" would be better if it took place in Connecticut and the hero's name was Steve.
• If you can come up with at least 10 good excuses as to why Steve Young isn't married.
• If you believe any of those excuses.
• If you've ever passed a rumor about a major celebrity appearing on a talk show wearing a CTR ring and announcing that he has joined the Mormon church. (Steve Martin in 1996, Harrison Ford in 1993, Jack Klugman in 1988, Woody Allen in 1982.)
• If you've ever believed that rumor.
• If you still believe that rumor.
• If you're planning to read this list during Family Home Evening.
• If, while giving a presentation in a public place such as a board meeting, you have ever inadvertently ended with, "in the name of..."
• If you've ever ended your presentation with those words deliberately.
• If, during the NBA finals in 1997, you felt guilty when the TV announcer said that Larry Miller was not watching the game because of religious beliefs.
• If you shut the TV off.
• If you felt better when Larry Miller showed up after all.
• If all your children are named after Old Testament Prophets.
• Even your daughter Zerubbabel.
• If you ran out of Old Testament names before you ran out of children.
• If you were shocked to find out that the 24th of July was not a national holiday.
• If you refer to the Days of '47 royalty as "The queen and her two councilors."
• If you have a testimony of the truthfulness of Amway, A.L. Williams or NuSkin.
• If at least one member of your family has a pseudo-French name such as LaVell, LaDell, or Bidet.
• If your mother-in-law was pregnant at your wedding.
• If at least one of your salad bowls is at your neighbor's house.
• If you're father-in-law thinks Ronald Reagan was a liberal.
• If, while teaching a lesson in Relief Society meeting, you've ever apologized for not preparing a center piece.
• If, while teaching a lesson in Priesthood meeting, you've ever apologized for not preparing a lesson.