A while ago I was busy browsing through my regular chatroom line up. I wasn't really
talking about anything in particular, and I had no real need for friends if I had Counter-Strike bots to keep me going, so I just decided to watch people's conversations instead. It was the usual mindless banter about sex, making out, girls, men and sex. Nothing really stood out as such. I did start to question why I was there, because I never actually talk to anyone. I was about to leave when someone asked:
"Any single men out there?"
My god! There was something about the way that text acted. It seemed to be much more
attractive than usual! I knew this was not possible, because the text could not be formatted
(Believe me! I know!). But I couldn't help but be drawn into it's power! It was the most beautiful text I had ever seen...
"Because I'm looking for a man! Any offers?"
Damn, she was too fast! I took my chances on the hunch that whoever it was; it was a sexy
girl who wouldn't mind going out with the class geek. Kind of like Ms. Barker in primary school, except less scarily happy.
"I'm a man."
Of course, every other male in the room at about this time had spoken as well. Damn
competition, halting my dreams of love and conquest! Seeing as though there were so many of us, she wanted to talk with everyone in private, probably just to have a little fun with us. Like we cared! Of course, I expected there would be flirting, and flirting equals a date in my book, so I agreed. So she took us all one by one into a private room created just for this occasion. While we were waiting, we were all talking about how cute she'll end up being when we see her. If we see her.
It was weird that I was the only one in the room who mentioned that she might be a he. Which
is pretty common (I've done it myself!).
It was my turn to go talk to her in the private room. She simply asked:
Her: "How old are you?"
Me: "Um..24."
Her: "Do you live in Manchester?"
Me: "Yes, I do."
Her: "Meet me in the Bull's head pub in the city centre tomorrow at 8pm. Do you know where it is?
Me: "Yes.."
Her: "Okay!"
Then she left for someone else to talk to. I know what you thinking. Pretty weird. But hey, to be honest, I was pretty desperate here,
okay? I mean it's not like I've had some action recently. Or..ever, really. This was my ONE
chance to get social with something other than the CS bots, and I intended to make it
happen! It will happen darned it!!
After logging off, going to bed, getting up and watching TV all day until 7:00pm, I decided to get dressed up. The only tuxedo I had was my old high school prom suit, which I never got to wear. I put it on, put some of my dad's aftershave on and headed off for the pub. I was too embarrassed to ask my parents how to go about going on a date (they think I'm out bowling! They never approved of going out to a pub as long as "I stay living under their roof.")
The problem facing me now was I didn't know what she looked like. Nor did she know what I
looked like. I imagined what she looked like: Tall, slim long legs, with beautiful blonde hair going down to her shoulders, and a smile so illustrious and bright, it would melt anyone and anything. My god, it was a beautiful sight.
When I got there however, I realised the sheer number of single men in the pub.
There were men everywhere! At the bar, at the tables, and I'm pretty sure there were some in the bathroom as well! And the weird thing was that none of them were talking to each other. There were the odd few talking, but most of them, who seemed to be pretty dressed up, were just staying still watching the widescreen. It was probably the most eerie feeling I've ever had. Everyone looked over to me with hopeful faces, looked at me funny for a minute, and then turned away. I'm pretty sure a few of them snickered.
I started to look around the room for this dream-woman. I couldn't see any women at all in the bar. Maybe she was somewhere in the back? I decided to go and check, but before I could do anything; a woman came emerged from a small crowd of men and came up to me. She was small, fat and pretty much unattractive to my tastes. Still, I would give anything to be with her! I was desperate! She said:
Her: "Are you from the chatroom?"
Me: "Yes.."
She then started to look over me very thoroughly, as if she were scanning me for my next
move. She took her time to examine every part of me, even asking me to open my mouth. I started to think "yes! This is it! Finally, I'm going to be with someone! No turning back now!" She stopped examining me, slowly took my hand, and looked me right in the eye. I waited for my result. I couldn't breathe. She took a deep breath and said:
Her: "......nah."
She walked off shaking her head, and went to talk to one of the other homophobic men. It was pretty obvious what happened here. We were all called down so she could judge us in person.
Right there, right then, with one single half-word, I was summed up. I have no socially
redeeming value what so ever. I can still remember her friends taunting me about my two-buck
teeth. Of course I would get my revenge. Yes, I would. Hahahaha....
*beep* *beep*
Me: "Oh man, I'm past my curfew! Mum's going to kill me!"
Just a little something I made ealier. try to guess the number of unsociably redeeming values and you get a thumbs up!
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